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Original poster

Gutted for my DS

302 replies

MillieVanilla · 15/10/2020 14:50

Sorry need to come to a safe space as I'm so upset.
DS is 12, second year he's a little softy
Due to getting points for not wearing a mask and being late for class, school said he would have to wear a sunflower lanyard to avoid this happening. I was quite dubious of them (no offense to anyone who wears them) because let's be honest, kids can be gits and bully for any reason.
So he's worn one for a fortnight.
Today I got a call- he's been badly beaten up, we had collect him as he has had a head injury.
His cheek is purple, black eye, he's dizzy, his leg has twisted too.
The boy who did it walked past laughing at him "look at him with his flower necklace".
Due to Aspergers, he didn't react, he doesn't ever. As a result the boy turned back around, grabbed him by his blazer and smacked his face into a wall then a bench. He then threw him on the ground, laughing.
DS is very quiet. He hasn't cried. He just said that he knew he shouldn't wear the lanyard.
I saw him come into the office and I could've cried, he is bruised across his entire right side. His blazer is filthy. He kept apologising over the blazer.
School have said they will be involving the police due to the severity of the incident. Which of course I'm grateful for, they did suggest getting a report from a+e but he absolutely lost the plot at the idea of going to a hospital with Covid being around, luckily our understanding GP has said he will take a look and write a report instead.
I'm gutted. He's had a few mean comments before over his disabilities, but nothing as bad as this. Part of me wishes he was the type of lad who would've hit the boy back but of course that's just not him (although if the school doesn't get to the boy before DD does that will be a whole other issue, she is not happy and was rather vocally trying to get the boys name off of DS).
I just think behaviour like that is just so old school, you think of their generation of being so much more accepting and understanding of things.
I now have a lad who doesn't want to go back to school, and is scared that he will have to speak to police.
Sorry to vent but I can't be silly and cry!

OP posts:
tootiredtospeak · 15/10/2020 16:36

I am so so sad for you this is happened. What I would take from this is that you boy has a great group of freinds who looked after him. My 19yr old ASD son never quite managed that throughout school and that hurt more sometimes than anything.
Keep on at the school to ensure this is dealt with effectively he needs expelling and you need a solution about the mask/lanyard issue the whole thing is disgusting that you must prove a hidden disability its ridiculous no one with a disability should have to do this.
Can the school bend the rules now under the circumstances.

Imissmoominmama · 15/10/2020 16:37

The fault lies firmly with the boy who attacked him. Even if he’d been wearing a wedding dress, that boy had no right whatsoever to attack him either verbally or physically.

I hope they come down on him REALLY hard.

Hope your son recovers and this doesn’t affect him psychologically for too long.

I like the sound of your daughter.

user27378 · 15/10/2020 16:40

Oh god I'd be apoplectic, not sad. I wouldn't have my child go back unless the other child was excluded for an offense so serious. Can he be home schooled? Sounds like he has a miserable time at school. It doesn't suit everyone.

tubbycustard1 · 15/10/2020 16:41

I'm sorry I don't have anything to add but I couldn't read this and not express how incredibly sorry I feel for your poor son (and you)! I feel absolutely sick to my stomach reading this. I echo what others have said about following up with the police, I hope this bully gets what he deserves.

Does DS get much additional support in school? Would it be possible to have someone with him in between lessons?

DartmoorDoughnut · 15/10/2020 16:43

Your poor DS Sad I hope the fucker that did this gets properly looked into (?Hate crime as attacked because of sunflower lanyard?) and expelled.

lateSeptember1964 · 15/10/2020 16:47

When dealing with this school be very clear in your language. This was not a bullying “incident”. This was a deliberate and sustained assault on your son. If this happened in the street the perpetrator would be in a lot more trouble tonight

latheritup · 15/10/2020 16:50

I'm so sorry about what happened to your DS. I really hope those who hurt him get some serious repercussions.

Inpeace · 15/10/2020 16:52

Your poor boy, that is truly shocking

Original poster
MillieVanilla · 15/10/2020 16:55

@Goldistheanswer

Your poor boy, my heart breaks for him and you. My dd is autistic and can’t even go to school due to severe bullying. In my experience, they’re the sweetest, most genuine people and yet are cruelly picked on as they’re seen to be “different”. It’s horrendous and terrifies me in terms of her future. I would be involving the police myself, as others have said on here. The school often wants everything to disappear quietly. As I said to one headteacher, in a meeting with reps from the LA, how would he like a colleague to push him against a wall, steal his belongings, make threats, belittle him and for him to know that nobody would care or listen. The headteacher was stunned into silence at this comparison and it made him see what it’s like for vulnerable children. As another pp said, this wouldn’t be allowed in the workplace so why is it permitted in schools?
Yes that's the thing. The ladies in the office refer to him as happy little and his name. He's the kind of kind who says "thank you" as he leaves lesson. His lovely form tutor has been on to us, he is angry as he has said the school needed a list of kids with exemptions. It's such a big school with so many staff who won't have met him, but a list would make things easier. He said he will be ensuring school does what it should do. I've just walked down to our local shop and bought him his favourite chocolate to cheer him up. He's sore but otherwise he's OK.
OP posts:
LondonJax · 15/10/2020 16:55

I hope the boy who did this is suspended, now, and then expelled. As well as the police dealing with him and his parents.

Plus the school need to look very hard at their policies if they are making children stand out when a simple note handed to a teacher should be enough - it's laziness on the part of the teachers concerned. And that comes from someone who works in a school.

I hope your son is feeling better soon and good on his sister for sticking up for him. She's doing a better job than the school seems to have done.

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 15/10/2020 17:01

This is upsetting to read so I can't imagine how you feel. Your poor boy :( I hope the school plays it straight on this one and the other lad gets everything he deserves.

Doingitaloneandproud · 15/10/2020 17:02

I am so so sorry this happened to your poor boy, that is absolutely disgusting. The child who did this needs to be expelled, there is no reason for his behaviour other than he's a bully, please make sure the school don't fob you off and find a way to keep the bully in. I was bullied at school for years, including physically, and the school kept letting her back in, it changed me.
I really hope his injuries heal quickly Flowers

Ginfordinner · 15/10/2020 17:06

When my daughter had a knee operation that meant she couldn't walk very well she was issued with a pass card that meant she could leave the last lesson 5 minutes early so she could get a seat on the school bus. Pass cards for other similar reasons were issued to those students who required it.

I don't see why your son's school can't do this instead as this wouldn't then draw attention the way a sunflower lanyard does.

Hugs to you and your son from me. I abhor bullying of any kind.

Coolcatsandkittens · 15/10/2020 17:08

I had tears in my eyes reading this. I sincerely hope the little bastard gets a taste of his own medicine.

Your children sound wonderful OP. Hope DS heals quickly. Sending very best wishes to you all Flowers.

Pythonesque · 15/10/2020 17:08

The lanyard thing - it's another example of how something developed in one context cannot and should not be transferred or generalised without a bit more thought. I believe the sunflower lanyard was originally introduced by one of the airports, where it would indeed provide a discreet signal to staff that someone might need more help. In a school context with uniforms to contend with ....

Hope the school's implementation of rules and regulations gets thoroughly shaken up and sorted out.

Zzz1234 · 15/10/2020 17:20

Your poor boy.
I'd let him have tomorrow off, but he on the phone in the morning wanting to know the police incident number (to check they have reported it and it's not just being dealt with by the mansion officer) and asking how they are going to got keep you son safe from monday, or also want to know what has happened to the bully and how long he is being excluded for.

Autumngoldleaf · 15/10/2020 17:24

Why can't some schools get a handle on kids with sen?.
Why!

Where I work, everyone is totally understanding and on the side of the child. Bullying is absolutely not allowed and I've never heard of it, kids have been nasty and it's been instantly cracked down on.

Your poor son.

kingsleyhimself · 15/10/2020 17:24

That school needs to have a good look at how it is effectively drawing children to the attention of bullies and penalising them for something they can't control. As PP said a flowery lanyard is really not appropriate.

I'd also not discourage your DD too strongly from standing up for him, or at least threatening to do so, I'm sure you don't want her in trouble. My little brother was beaten up as a kid because we're foreign. Until I found the little prick and gave him a bloody nose. He really backed off after that.

Whatever happens please do push for that horrible bully to be kept well away from your boy and do not let this go.

IHateCoronavirus · 15/10/2020 17:24

Even if it is big school, a discrete pin badge inside their blazer, which they could flash if pulled up would be enough.

NotOfThisWorld · 15/10/2020 17:29

I'm surprised the school can't manage to keep track of who has disabilities without the need for a lanyard. Either way I hope that other boy never sets foot in the school again. Your poor DS.

Todaythiscouldbe · 15/10/2020 17:32

I'm.very emotional.today anyway but this has broke my heart, I can't imagine how you must be feeling.

I hope the low life who thought this was acceptable gets exactly what they deserve and the school needs to rethink their policies as this is clearly not acceptable.

Justwingingmotherhood · 15/10/2020 17:34

Kid or not if ANYONE ever put a finger on my child like that I would be doing the exact same to them. That is utterly disgusting. I'm so sorry to the both of you. I hope that little so and so gets what's coming to him!!!! Good on your DD

REDLIPSTICKANDNAILS · 15/10/2020 17:36

I hope the boy who did this to him gets one hell of a punishment for this

KnitFastDieWarm · 15/10/2020 17:36

Poor lad, as a PP said this wouldn’t be acceptable at work, so it shouldn’t be acceptable at school. ‘Bullying’ is so often used as a term to minimise serious physical and emotional abuse in schools that wouldn’t be tolerated in any other setting.

Don’t let the school kick this into the long grass - the attacker should be prosecuted just as if he’d walked up to some in the street and attacked them. As someone who was badly bullied at that age, my heart breaks for your DS. He’s a thousand times the person the little sod that attacked him will ever be Flowers

OverTheRainbow88 · 15/10/2020 17:37

How terrible, the other kid is a little shit. I’m glad they’ve Involved the police. I hope your DS hasn’t been put off school. Can school provide a safe place for him and his friends to spend break times?

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