Marvellous. The new window cleaner is... odd.

[SeasonallySnowyPeasant]

He cleaned my windows for the first time today after doing my neighbour's and knocking on the off-chance. The Spidey senses started tingling a bit when I politely pointed out to him that he'd left his stepladder up in the middle of the road and cars were having to stop and wait to go past it. He'd done it on purpose apparently - something about ladders on top of his van?

Then he started texting me this evening. It started off normally and then got a bit strange. He wanted to message me pretending it was time for him to come back again, 'to build his confidence'. I thought he had a new automated reminder message system he wanted to use but no, it was just him sending a text. Then he wanted to try it again.

This guy has my address and my phone number and it's only me and the kids at home. I'm a bit freaked out. Any ideas?

Ok I commented previously saying he's harmless etc. However after reading the further texts he's sent you, I'd say he is taking the absolute piss and knows exactly what he is doing. I tried to be a good boy? Nah, he's just trying to piss you off and I reckon if you'd played along, he'd have seen it as a green night and the texts would have taken a different turn. Any more contact from him and I'd be getting in touch with the police.

OP I haven’t read too much of the thread because someone will have said something that will upset me. You sound nice and I think you have to realise that not everyone is and if he does this to the wrong person he could end up in a world of trouble. Firmly drawing lines will help him not to continue making this mistake.

That series of text messages go from 'aw bless him' to 'OMFG' in a very short time. Pestering the OP to say goodnight? To tell him he's a good boy? Oh dear.

Can I revolve around you please?

I don't understand that text?

Anyway, I think he has realised now.

A man can have a LD and still be dangerous!

@FilledSoda

A man can have a LD and still be dangerous!

Yep. My earlier post was my wake up call on that.

A man can have a LD and still be dangerous!

Yes of course. But I wouldn't automatically assume he's dangerous just because his communication / social skills are lacking.

Well yes but then to text all night and the " I've been a good boy " really ?
He's obviously wanking !

So gross ugh

He's obviously wanking

That's not particularly obvious tbh.

Its not my job to worry about being nice to people with SN or LD its my primary job as a woman to keep myself safe.

I'm another who finds this whole thread very sad.

Sad that we live in a society where the OP and many of us would have felt threatened by the texts and the fact that he knew where she lives. (To be clear I'm not judging you for that OP - it's the culture we live in that I'm judging)

I'm sad about quotes like the one I hilighted above, where women feel the need to decide between their own feelings of safety and giving somebody with LD or SEN the benefit of the doubt.

I'm sad that we live on a world where many people don't have more time for people who have disabilities. There but for the grace of God go any one of us, or our children.

I'm sad that more isn't done to educate the general population about people with disabilities, how to be around them and, well, a society which voted for the tories who have systematically stripped social and health care provision to it's bare bones.

For those incredulous about the good boy comment - can you really not imagine a scenario that involves that sentence being something he has heard from his family about himself and hasn't learnt that it was an inappropriate thing to say in other contexts, and for it to mean absolutely nothing sexual to him?! The whole thing about a LD is that learning is difficult for some people. Frankly, much though I completely get why it can read as a guy having a wank, the good boy comment is the only thing that can be accused of being maybe sexual and frankly I think those messages would be much more explicit if a guy was having a wank.

I'm one of the posters who has some experience of working with people with learning difficulties. FWIW it seems to me to be as clear as it's possible to be on a thread on mumsnet that this guy has some kind of learning disorder. Obviously we will never know, and the OP's feelings of comfort and safety and her boundaries are obviously perfectly valid too.

@Hm2020 What an absolutely ridiculous and utterly fucking offensive comment. Absolutely nobody is saying that. Nobody.

Women with LDs are more open to sexual abuse off all men and it is ignored because of these over facilitating attitudes. I think this is true for men with LD too. the statistics are absolutely terrifying.

I’m not convinced the individual does have additional needs (those texts seemed too trite somehow, cleverly building and drawing OP). I liked you responses OP they seemed calm and clear.

@Itisbetter

Women with LDs are more open to sexual abuse off all men and it is ignored because of these over facilitating attitudes. I think this is true for men with LD too. the statistics are absolutely terrifying. I’m not convinced the individual does have additional needs (those texts seemed too trite somehow, cleverly building and drawing OP). I liked you responses OP they seemed calm and clear.

I agree. I might be very cynical but it almost reads like someone trying to convince the OP they have some sort of LD before going in for the “i was a good boy” stuff to test the water with how much she will put up with. I mean, pretending to be disabled is not something predators haven’t done before.

Just catching up. Thanks for the reassurance.

To clarify: he's not young. I'm in my early 30's and he's visibly older than me.

I work with young people with SEMH needs and lots have SN. I am used to being blunt and I am so used to the behaviour that can come with additional needs that I often forget that lots of people can be fearful of them.

The first few texts feel ASD, learning disability related but the last few cross the line and you are right to shut him down. You must star boundaries, disability or not. I would’ve felt uncomfortable and I’m used to that kind of thing.

Any one else not cleaned their windows in 2 years, let alone every 2 months?!

I think my windows have been cleaned once since we moved in over seven years ago. It's a wonder we can see out

@JosephineDeBeauharnais

I’m wondering if he has a learning disability?

Yes I thought the same!

The op didn't notice anything when she met him in person that suggested he had learning difficulties.

Why must we all imagine or assume he has?

Awkward op. Just another thought, could it be a form of ocd? I suffer from ocd and believe me it’s not all about cleaning and washing hands. Mine is the type where I have to check I’ve done the right thing over and over. It could be as simple as writing a birthday card or an email. I do behaviours that seek approval. Eg ask my husband to check, take picture of the card etc. Most of my habits are under control and I take medication and have had cbt. I’m in a good place now. Something about his texts didn’t seem right and reminded me of this seeking approval behaviour.

I think you’ve done the right thing

I also feel incredibly sad reading this. OP was right to put boundaries in place and it seemed that when she was very blunt he understood. There is a dire amount of support for adults with ASD and LD, especially if they are high functioning. It is so incredibly sad that someone can be so inappropriate and not seem to realize it. I am so fearful for my son's future, there is nothing outwardly to suggest he has either ASD or LD but in an attempt to do the right thing he can be extremely persistent. I realize now he will always need supervision 😢

It's totally irrelevant whether he has OCD, LD, or ASD.

The OP handled it firmly and politely.

@Dimpous

I’m wondering if he has a learning disability?

Yes I thought the same!

Were you good girl today Dimpous?