Marvellous. The new window cleaner is... odd.

[SeasonallySnowyPeasant]

He cleaned my windows for the first time today after doing my neighbour's and knocking on the off-chance. The Spidey senses started tingling a bit when I politely pointed out to him that he'd left his stepladder up in the middle of the road and cars were having to stop and wait to go past it. He'd done it on purpose apparently - something about ladders on top of his van?

Then he started texting me this evening. It started off normally and then got a bit strange. He wanted to message me pretending it was time for him to come back again, 'to build his confidence'. I thought he had a new automated reminder message system he wanted to use but no, it was just him sending a text. Then he wanted to try it again.

This guy has my address and my phone number and it's only me and the kids at home. I'm a bit freaked out. Any ideas?

@rosiethehen

Try substituting these words for racist ones and see how wrong it would be.

"A creepy p*ki man keeps texting me"

"I'm scared of the ni**er next door because he stares at me over the fence"

Such language is offensive and so are disabilist terms.

But that isn't what anyone was saying, you're trying to turn it into something it isn't. Calling someone who's creepy a creep isn't disablist or racist. You must be extremely fit with all the mental gymnastics you do.

OP I think you have handled this in an extremely classy way, you have been kind and clear.

This in spades. And there haven’t been any disablist terms used on this thread (Forest Gump seems to have been a tactless way of saying he may have learning difficulties).

I’m so tired of women being told to be nice to inappropriate men. Nice gets us killed.

Just look up the word creepy rosie
It isn’t disablist or racist when used on it’s own.

ADJECTIVE
If you say that something or someone is creepy, you mean they make you feel very nervous or frightened.
[informal]
There were certain places that were really creepy at night.
Was she still married to that creepy guy, Dennis?
Synonyms: disturbing, threatening, frightening, terrifying

I remember a few years ago a guy on a bus asking for my friend's number, explaining he had LD and no friends, and wanted her to be his friend. She took him at face value, felt sorry for him, and said he could meet us both for coffee some time. She started getting texts asking if we would both wear pretty dresses when we met him, which escalated to her being called a cnt and a btch and how women are all the same, when she tried gently saying she didn't think his expectations were appropriate. I believe he had mental health problems and/or LD from how he presented in person.

I've seen him since trying the same thing with other women - I still actively avoid getting on the same bus as him if he's at my stop. I suppose because when we first met him, he seemed very childlike and vulnerable, finding out that he actually seemed really predatory was a shock - and made me reexamine my own preconceptions.

@DeliciouslyFemale

I’m so sorry for any men with LD who have to navigate the world and try to live independently, reading some of these replies.

THIS. Probably why my son, who has a Masters Degree and autism, is working NMW IF he can get anything.

Really illuminating how nasty some people can be to a complete stranger.

@PatriciaPerch

Not OP, but some of the replies.

I have a DS with SN affecting communication with others. A lot of the time it's heartbreaking, to see the way some people treat your DC, it's very hard to see how people are so quick to judge negatively and unthinkingly and don't "see" a real person (who is my child!) behind their rush to judgement. I think it's hard to understand this unless you have been in this situation - especially as a parent. It can actually get harder as your child grows older, IME.

However. My DSs "right"'to interact with people does not come above a women's rights to feel safe and set their boundaries. That's all there is to it.

It would be nice if society as a whole changed their attitudes towards people with disabilities (Forrest fucking Gump?! Fuck off) but it would also be nice if we lived in a society where women feel comfortable to set their boundaries wherever the fuck they like and men just respected that.

Unfortunately we don't live in that kind of society yet. This thread is so fucking depressing as it illustrates it so nicely. I don't have a solution. I just wish people could treat each other with more respect - that would go a long way to being inclusive but also benefit women immeasurably. (Start with all the men who have given women good cause to be suspicious due to all the previous harassment and assault etc etc, and the way society constantly tells women we should accept this, oh and apologise for our reactions of discomfort)

This is one of the most strangest threads I’ve read on Mumsnet are posters actually saying that the poor op should just except she might be this guys wank fodder and she can’t worry about how frightened and uncomfortable she feels at home alone with her kids why a guy who knows where she lives harasses her on the phone on the off chance he has ld/autism and that it may be disablist. So for the arguments sake he does have learning difficulties/ autism but also wants op to call him her good boy so he can wank is that not creepy?

I think he's not the sharpest tack in the box - but since he was pleasant and did a good job, no problem

@Whoopsmahoot

I think he's not the sharpest tack in the box - but since he was pleasant and did a good job, no problem

RTFT, 14 messages overnight is not pleasant, it's harassment.

Try substituting these words for racist ones

Why would you do that? This has nothing to do with racism.

Btw, odd, weird and creepy are words that could be used to describe anyone (or anything). They are not disablist terms. Stop trying to police people's use of perfectly ordinary words. It is perfectly acceptable to say someone is odd, weird or creepy if they are being odd, weird or creepy.

lazylinguist i suspect she got an illicit thrill from typing verboten words

Maybe, Howloose. I hope not - that would be odd, weird and a bit creepy.

All the posters crying ‘I hope my child with LD doesn’t get treated like this’ are missing the point!
The guy hasn’t been friendly, he’s been harassing. I’d find it intrusive if my friends or family sent me numerous messages over night seeking constant reassurance for a minor item, let alone a stranger who has my phone number and address.
LD are NOT a reason why women have to accept this behaviour.

Really illuminating how nasty some people can be to a complete stranger.

Noone here has been nasty to him. The op wasn't nasty to him and he's not a complete stranger, he's providing a service, he has her phone no and address.

OP I think you got the tone and the line exactly right. Nothing to feel guilty for. You were direct, not rude.

LD are NOT a reason why women have to accept this behaviour

No, but it may go some way to understanding the behaviour.

LD are NOT a reason why women have to accept this behaviour

No, but it may go some way to understanding the behaviour.

It’s an absolute minefield.
Prisons are sadly full of people with LD and MH issues.

Try substituting these words for racist ones and see how wrong it would be.

Oh give over trying to police other people's language. No doubt the man's behaviour did come across as being creepy. Was he being creepy? Quite possibly not, depending if he had LD, just lacking severely in social skills. Which he could probably do with some support with in order not to come across as creepy. Creepy is how he was presenting though, regardless of the reason, and people have the right to use their own words to describe what they see.

It’s an absolute minefield.
Prisons are sadly full of people with LD and MH issues.

I know. Unfortunately funding and the right support often doesn't get directed enough in that area. Life would be so much better if people just had the right support from the beginning to help them cope in society.

Caroncanta
I agree that the current system for funding and even more crucially, the level of support currently available, is not working.
Sadly chucking money at the problem is never going to work.

@toconclude
Literally nobody has been nasty. They've been truthful about the fact that he is harassing someone who has made repeat, polite attempts to get him to stop.

No way have you been disabilist etc, OP.