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Original poster

Strictly same sex couple (Nicola Adams) Not really a homophobe, it's just the mechanics that don't work....

184 replies

RumTruffles · 12/10/2020 10:46

.....NOT MY WORDS. This was a conversation I overheard on Saturday night.

DW and I popped out for dinner for a child free evening. Was having a lovely time, before I unintentionally, but unavoidably tune in to a conversation at the next table.

A couple of brothers (I presume) had taken their mother out for dinner and the subject of Strictly and Nicola Adams came up. I tried hard to ignore, as I could tell this wasn't going to be something I wanted to hear.

One of the brothers, who was incredibly loud, stated that he "doesn't necessarily have an issue with the whole same sex thing Hmm but it's just the mechanics that don't work in a show like Strictly". Just the mechanics?! The mum went further and scoffed "Bah! Well the BBC have gone too far! I won't be watching Strictly again. They've lost me". Good riddance as far as I'm concerned. She then went much further and said one of the most disgusting things I'd ever heard "I mean, I was surprised they gave her a medal at the Olympics. It was obvious she was a lesbian even back then", to which all 3 of them mumbled in agreement.

I was about to say something, when the loud brother caught my eye and saw I was seething and he very abruptly steered the topic of conversation to something else.

Wise Angry

I could feel my blood boiling. Do people really think like this?! Still?

I understand I am possibly throwing myself into the lions den somewhat, with the "controversial" strictly debate Hmm as I've seen this being discussed on here before a couple of years ago, but honestly, in 2020 are people still thinking that it looks "wrong" to see a couple of the same sex dancing?

The mother of course went to a totally different level of bigoted and is clearly just a horrible person, but it reminded me how this attitude still exists and it's f@#%ing depressing!

That's it really. Please tell me I'm not the only one who finds this attitude depressing as hell!

OP posts:
TellingBone · 12/10/2020 10:53

Did ye aye? Hmm

PotholePalace · 12/10/2020 10:54

The mum's comments make no sense, and yes were hurtful. The whole family sounds small-minded and scared of change.

MotheringShites · 12/10/2020 10:54

Surely “the mechanics” refers to the physical differences between males and females and the steps/moves that can only really be accomplished with a significant size/strength difference. Obviously there are male/female couples who don’t have this, but they don’t tend to get very far.

I am a little bemused about why this is necessary. It’s not a dating show or a sexual compatibility contest. It’s dancing. Of course I don’t think it looks wrong for same sex people to dance together, but I don’t see how they can be judged fairly against mixed-sex couples when they might have a disadvantage.

Smallsteps88 · 12/10/2020 10:58

Surely “the mechanics” refers to the physical differences between males and females and the steps/moves that can only really be accomplished with a significant size/strength difference. Obviously there are male/female couples who don’t have this, but they don’t tend to get very far.

The implication being that a same sex couple will never be dancing properly. Hmm

MotheringShites · 12/10/2020 11:04

I never said that. I just was like Iikening it to the arguments for separate categories for men and women’s sport. Both categories are equally valid and the participants equally impressive, but they can’t be judged competitively against each other.

Anyway, I’m not here for a battering.

M0rT · 12/10/2020 11:07

I'm a straight woman and far from a professional dancer. But most of my paired dancing has been with other women/girls in my life. Surely that's most of our experience?
Teenage boy/young men are not usually interested or are nervous of formal dancing.
From primary school Irish dancing to Salsa classes in my twenties it has mostly been 80/20 female to male.
As long as there is a height differential and possibly strength for lifts then the sex doesn't matter!

Whenwillow · 12/10/2020 11:10

It sounds like my brothers took my mum out for dinner that evening...

Aposterhasnoname · 12/10/2020 11:12

I think you should keep your sticky beak out of peoples private conversations. Calling someone out if they said such shite to you is one thing, butting in to a strangers private discussion is entirely another.

Try spending more time talking to your DW when you’re out, instead of listening in on others.

slipperywhensparticus · 12/10/2020 11:16

I agree they are at a technical disadvantage if one isn't bigger/stronger than the other but they have that same disadvantage with other couples that just don't get very far in the competition but if they want to compete that way carry on 🤷‍♀️ who knows they might make it work

Flapjak · 12/10/2020 11:19

People are used to what they are used to , so i imagine for some they are not able to see beyond what they consider the norm without being uncomfortable. In regards to the mechanics, ie lifting, i suppose if it was a proper competition then same sex couples could be at a disadvantage, but as its only celebrities of all different shapes sizes and strengths , i dont think it matters. It is really depressing though, i thought the same when there was a bit of a hoo hah about idris elba being Bond, i mean, really, what is the issue!! There shouldnt be one at all

dottiedodah · 12/10/2020 11:27

I like Strictly and honestly dont see an issue at all with same sex dancing .The show probably appeals to more conservative old fashioned types who may be scared of change!

TheLastStarfighter · 12/10/2020 11:27

I like to think the majority of people don’t think like that, and that the minority who do are hopefully in decline and should at least keep it to themselves rather than broadcasting their ignorance loudly in a restaurant.

Original poster
RumTruffles · 12/10/2020 11:41

@Aposterhasnoname, ha! Are you having a laugh?! He was practically shouting and his mother wasn't that many decibels behind. I wasn't straining to hear, with my hand cupping my ear. There is a difference between free speech and hate speech and the latter needs calling out.

OP posts:
raddledoldmisanthropist · 12/10/2020 11:43

I am a little bemused about why this is necessary. It’s not a dating show or a sexual compatibility contest. It’s dancing. Of course I don’t think it looks wrong for same sex people to dance together, but I don’t see how they can be judged fairly against mixed-sex couples when they might have a disadvantage.

Presumably then, when the woman is taller she should lead?

I'm not really into dancing- I had no idea that all dancing required a height difference. Maybe the invention of dancing is what caused homophobia- because straight people are inherently so much better dancers.

The first person to discover a dance for couples which doesn't require them to be different heights will be world famous.

movingonup20 · 12/10/2020 11:45

I don't care less whether people have a male or female relationship but I don't see how that has anything to do with dancing - you are dancing with them, not dating them so why do you need same sex partnerships? It does change the dynamics and speaks of political correctness to me. Not understanding why the bbc have done this has nothing to do with homophobia, dancing this style is one man one woman.

raddledoldmisanthropist · 12/10/2020 11:49

There is a difference between free speech and hate speech and the latter needs calling out.

There is but hate speech is public speech. It's directed at others or to promote a particular view of others to the public.

I'm not for a moment defending their daft views but they were merely being knobs and that falls under free speech (as does your right to point that out).

If the state ever polices private speech as hate speech then it will be vulnerable minorities who suffer first.

Xuli · 12/10/2020 11:50

It's bizarre that people think this. It's not like having a penis makes you naturally better at learning the male steps Hmm Nicola is a boxer, I'm sure she'll have more strength to lift her partner than half the male competitors on the show.

raddledoldmisanthropist · 12/10/2020 11:50

you are dancing with them, not dating them so why do you need same sex partnerships?

Why don't you need that either? What's wrong with two fellas doing the Tango if it has nothing to do with intimacy?

Spam88 · 12/10/2020 11:50

I used to dance Latin and ballroom competitively. I had two partners, both female. It's pretty common because there are so many more females who dance than males. Maybe 25-30% of couples were all female? Obviously changes as you get higher up, but it's hardly unheard of.

And are people really suggesting Nicola adams is likely to be at a disadvantage because she's not as strong as a man..? I'd definitely rather fight Anton than her Grin

RiftGibbon · 12/10/2020 11:50

Yes, these attitudes are still around, and no, I don't understand why. Particularly in people younger than me.
I'm middle-aged and grew up in an era where homophobia, sexism and racism were everyday, acceptable and usually the source of 'comedy'. I have managed to educate myself since. Shame that other people seem to revel in their narrow-mindedness/

JanewaysBun · 12/10/2020 11:52

I was a professional dancer for many years - of course 2 girls or guys can dance together Hmm

Obvs partner work will be determined by how strong the lifter/base is I.e. I couldn't lift another woman but Nicola is very strong so I would imagine can do lots of the lifts. You see gymnasts and cheerleaders do it all the time!

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 12/10/2020 11:58

I think it's fair enough to say that some or even most same sex couples will be at a disadvantage given the way points work, similarly some or most overweight people are at a disadvantage, very strong partners coupled with a petite light partner regardless of sex will be at an advantage, partners who's weights are similar are typically at an advantage, but as long as there's music, dancing, sequins and people doing their vest and passionate about it I don't really care who has the advantage or not. Look at all the pop stars who've been cut out early - assuredly they had clear advantages with classical training, and I've forgotten her name but she was early on and much older than everyone and had a stage background and she was amazing - that could have been on the ice though. So just seeming to be a disadvantage doesn't mean anything really.

MotheringShites · 12/10/2020 12:11

@raddledoldmisanthropist

I am a little bemused about why this is necessary. It’s not a dating show or a sexual compatibility contest. It’s dancing. Of course I don’t think it looks wrong for same sex people to dance together, but I don’t see how they can be judged fairly against mixed-sex couples when they might have a disadvantage.

Presumably then, when the woman is taller she should lead?

I'm not really into dancing- I had no idea that all dancing required a height difference. Maybe the invention of dancing is what caused homophobia- because straight people are inherently so much better dancers.

The first person to discover a dance for couples which doesn't require them to be different heights will be world famous.

What a snotty post. Anyone who has read anything about the athletic differences between men and women know that height is not the main differential. Muscle mass and upper body strength are far more important. An average 5ft 10” man will almost always be stronger than a slightly taller woman.

Nicola is an extremely athletic woman so it will be interesting to watch.

DizzyPigeon · 12/10/2020 12:15

If people think women can't do lifts, they need to watch Sinead and John kerr ice dancing.

And as for the 'it's always been one man and one woman' - tradition is a poor argument. Its called 'progress' , and its the reason women can vote out be elected, its the reason people can marry who they want, its the reason that people are no longer allowed to discriminate on the basis of race.

This isn't nearly as big a deal as those things, so I really fail to understand why people have such an issue with it.

crazychemist · 12/10/2020 12:17

Alas, they are entitled to their idiocy. They weren’t saying it TO you. We have free speech in this country, and I’ve heard worse!

Competitive ballroom dancing is a sport, and most sports have rules and categories. I’m not an expert by any means (and don’t watch strictly), but in most competitions I think it wouldn’t be allowed in the same category? It’s not like the “couple” that are dancing are generally a romantic couple, they are just partnered for the competition, it’s got nothing to do with sexuality really. I would also suspect that a same sex dance couple would be at a disadvantage because the height/strength difference would probably be much less, so that would make flashy lifts etc rather tricky - the man and the woman usually have different roles within the team.

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