To not feed DC the Father Christmas lie

[PeterRabitting]

Not looking for the MN angry responses of "let children be children for gods sake" etc etc but interested in hearing the intellectual views of any parents who've handled "Father Christmas" differently from the 'norm'. The reason is, I have a friend who has raised all her DC telling them there is no such thing as Santa from the outset. It has intrigued me a bit, as a mum of a baby. On the one hand part of me thinks that it's terribly sad and my friend's DC are missing out on the magic etc. But in the other hand her reasons do make some sense to me. She and her DH are atheists and so she argues that in the same way she tells her kids the science of life (eg she doesn't tell them there is such a thing as heaven) why would she fool them into thinking Father Christmas is real. She talks to her DC about FC as a belief / story that some people believe, in the same way that some people believe in different religions etc. She leaves it open for her DC to believe if they choose to, so she doesn't say it's "nonsense" but she just says some people believe it. She said her DC are critical thinkers and would question things like the scientific possibility of flying round the earth etc etc anyway.

She also says that her way encourages gratitude, mindfulness and an appreciation of the value of money because her DC know that their gifts come from mummy and daddy through love and hard work and do not magically appear / are not made by elves. My friend says that she installs a sense of magic into her DC through all the lovely family things they do and spending time together.

I'm uncertain but it intrigued me as I too am an atheist and if I'm not trying to persuade my child that heaven exists then why would I persuade them that Santa does? On the other hand... "let children be children"!

Does anyone on here "do Father Christmas" differently / not feed their DC this story?

i cant add anything intellectual - but we did magical Santa Christmas and with my NT child is was an easy transition to realising its a lovely story that we all act out and enjoy. With my autistic child there were more repercussions about 'being lied to by the whole of society'' and he struggles with transitions anyway and i think he wondered if everyone knew it wasn't real and it was just his own social understanding issues which made him think it was. i wish we hadn't gone down this road at all. The odd thing being that he was way more questioning of the logistics.

When I look back now, the most magical part of Christmas was the belief that Father Christmas was bringing me gifts. I dont remember many of those gifts but I do remember how magical and special the whole world was that night.
When I inevitably discovered that Father Christmas didnt really exist and it was all down to my parents, that there was no magic, Christmas was no longer magical.
It was special, and has been every year since, but it has never been magical since.
My favourite christmases were when we were dirt poor but we had the magic of christmas.
Some children who begin having doubts as to whether Santa exists deliberately choose not to question, because even they see how amazing Christmas is when it feels magical.
I cant think of one good reason to deprive a child of such moments to look back upon.

That's really interesting @DoYouRememberTheInnMiranda

@picklemewalnuts also very interesting! What did you say to your DC when they asked that question?

My dd is only one (2 in December), however we're modelling Santa Claus on the basis of how my nieces and nephews understand it. Santa exists, and he does deliver presents. However he only gifts the stockings, and mummy and daddy buy everything else and send them to Santa to wrap and deliver on Christmas Day if you're on the nice list (of course she will always be on the nice list)
I think it's a good way as then if she gets more than somebody else, or less it isn't that Santa is picking favourites, it's all to do with the families financial situation as some parents can afford more or less than others.

If you have a large family with a wide age range, it's very difficult to keep the FC myth going - the older children will tell the younger ones (even if you ask them not to) the truth. So you can end up with a two-tier family - older ones who grew up with the 'FC is real' until the age of 6/7, and then younger ones who never got to appreciate the magic because it was blown for them before it started by older siblings.

I don't remember ever believing. My children (who were a bunch of critical thinkers) never believed. Our christmases have always been magical, but in a different way!

@Zaphodsotherhead

If you have a large family with a wide age range, it's very difficult to keep the FC myth going - the older children will tell the younger ones (even if you ask them not to) the truth. So you can end up with a two-tier family - older ones who grew up with the 'FC is real' until the age of 6/7, and then younger ones who never got to appreciate the magic because it was blown for them before it started by older siblings.

I don't remember ever believing. My children (who were a bunch of critical thinkers) never believed. Our christmases have always been magical, but in a different way!

I don't agree with the older children telling younger ones. I'm the baby, with sisters 3, 4 and 6 years older than me. They all knew Santa didn't exist for several years before I did, and they all continued to pretend he did as it made me happy to believe. They didn't want to take that away from their baby sister.

We don't do Santa. DCs aware that it's a belief held by some, but it's still magical with all the other traditions and fun that goes on at Christmas.
A lot of other cultures don't do it or don't do Christmas. I just wasn't a fan of the lie, based on my own childhood experience.

Fun sponge

I genuinely don't remember ever believing in FC - it was all a game. I would never have bothered lobbying my parents so hard about various gift otherwise

She sounds awful this friend of yours. Poor kids living with that sort of " honesty" which just sucks the fun out of life.

@peboh

I guess that depends on how sadistic the siblings are!

She also says that her way encourages gratitude, mindfulness and an appreciation of the value of money because her DC know that their gifts come from mummy and daddy through love and hard work and do not magically appear / are not made by elves.

She doesn't have much in the way of imagination does she?

The presents under the tree are from the people written on the labels.

The presents in the sack marked "From Santa" are from....well Santa.

Whatever you choose to do don’t let your kid be the one that ruins it for all the other children.

I think it's very sad. I wouldn't want this for my children or any other child.

She also says that her way encourages gratitude, mindfulness and an appreciation of the value of money because her DC know that their gifts come from mummy and daddy through love and hard work and do not magically appear / are not made by elves. My friend says that she installs a sense of magic into her DC through all the lovely family things they do and spending time together. How smug and self righteous.

I bet she doesn’t have teenagers yet.

As a parent of older teens there are many things I wish I had done different on the parenting journey. However the whole Santa Claus thing was not one of them, my dc absolutely loved it and even after they found out ‘the truth’ still carried on the traditions of leaving out my mince pies and carrots etc. We all agree our favourite memory is of them finding snowy reindeer footprints on the outside path and how they truly believed the reindeers has brought that snow all the way from the north pole!

I get the whole feeding kids a lie is wrong but in my mind kids (and adults) need all the magic going in this world so let them enjoy it for as long as possible.

AlternativePerspective, so true! There is no gratitude, mindfulness or appreciation from teenagers whether they believed in Santa or not!

Yeah my big sis and bro didn't tell me it wasn't real either. I eventually guessed by seeing my dads writing on the 'thank you for my mince pie and whisky' card from Father Christmas. Thus developing my own critical thinking.

I mind the "father Christmas is a lie" way of looking at it. I dont think children should be critical thinkers I think they should be encouraged to have curiosity and to explore that
Critical thinking for me comes later.

My father had a good view of father Christmas i was told when i started querying it.

Father Christmas in as far as there being an who travels at lightening speed is not real no. What he stands for
Being loving giving kind and thoughtful towards others IS real and that is something inside all of us that we can choose to use or not. So father christmas is real in the fact the magic is something we all have inside of us and can choose to use or not

I chose to use it.

My children were cynical practically from day one though!

I told my son that he'd have to clear up his Sticklebricks or they'd go into the bin and he just walked away telling me that if I threw them away, it would be me that had to pay to replace them.

He was about three.

Mind you, their dad was a dick, they were probably just parrotting what they heard from him.

They are all adults now and they all absolutely LOVE Christmas. It's the whole 'seasonal' thing and the gathering of family that makes it magical for them, rather than FC.

I've got 2 logical critical thinkers (and one dreamer!) and they both got a lot of pleasure and fun out of believing in Father Christmas.

You don't need to say "it is real", just tell it to them and they'll accept in the same way that they read stories about fairies at the bottom of the garden, and the man in the moon etc.

When they're old enough they work it out for themselves with no drama.

DH's family never did the FC lie. They were atheists, lefties.

Mine did it but in a kind of detached way. Mine were religious, conservative.

With our own children we did it my family's way. We gave presents from FC but we never ever told lies about FC. We confirmed nor denied nothing. We always said "what do you think?" We let society put the ideas in their heads about FC. Each in turn thought about it and decided at about 7 or 8 years old that it could not be true. Each had somewhat different logic. When they reached a solid conclusion we confirmed it, but they didn't care about our opinion because they had worked it out.

We explained not to tell the younger ones because it is a very important process to go through. A rite of passage. A developmental stage like walking across a room, reading a book alone, realising a teacher is wrong.

Watching them work it out was amazing. They all remember the process fondly and the peculiar conversations on the way home from school as they tried to quiz us but we were unusually opinion free.

I found it hard to read your post after this bit...
interested in hearing the intellectual views of any parents who've handled "Father Christmas" differently from the 'norm'
I found all intellectual thoughts flew right out of my tiny brain, especially the quote marks around Father Christmas...

But...
My friend says that she installs a sense of magic into her DC
You can't 'install a sense of magic'.....how??

She also says that her way encourages gratitude, mindfulness and an appreciation of the value of money
There are many ways to do this, but I would imagine, it is largely through our actions and interactions with others and the way we lead our lives that set the example to our children

She said her DC are critical thinkers
If she means her children question things...that is what children do.

I have told my 2 year old little girl that Father Christmas will be coming this year- her little face, she is so excited. I love Christmas, the best family memories I have are the excitement of waiting for Father Christmas to delivery the presents in the morning and then spending the day together. Watching all the Christmas movies. I would never take that away from DD.

I can’t remember any big moment when I found out and felt betrayed. When did parenting get so complicated?!