Answer the question above you. Wrong answers only. PART 3

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Previous question: Why is the swimming pool viewing gallery so hot?

Answer: Because the temperature controller is broken. It will get progressively hotter, then colder, then hotter... much like my shower at the moment!!

My question: How long will it take for THIS thread to fill up?

Six and a half.

How long do chicken kievs take to cook?

It depends wether you want to cook them in the slow cooker or barbecue them.
Why is my dog being an arse today?

Because it's saving your tits for tomorrow

Why am I so tired?

Because you have been awake for three weeks now ,due to a pea under 20 mattresses ,go to sleep and you will find your prince
Is Boris Johnson,s hair colour natural or does he bleach it?

No one will ever know as he indulges in full body waxing

Why do meerkats have Russian accents?

They’re all secretly trying to get hired by the Bolshoi ballet and think it will help them fit in better.

Why do ginger biscuits help with nausea?

Because they have magical powers
Why do soap opera charcacters always fall in love with their neighbours do they ever leave the street,square etc?

They never leave because when they do they vanish just like the ghosts do in Field Of Dreams

Why do you always bump into someone on the day you're at your worst (appearance wise)?

Because you keep forgetting to eat the ginger biscuits (thus quelling the nausea and leaving you looking terrific)

What is the correct response to a flatulent spouse?

A raspberry.

Why does my right shoulder hurt?

Because you were Fly fishing with Prince Charles at Balmoral and despite repeated attempts to correct your positioning you failed. Supper was fabulous though mind you, you and the queen chatted over a glass of cherry Lambrini.

Why do cats smell so much ?

Because they stay up all night partying!

Why is there no humane way to cook a lobstser? ( I may be wrong lol )

Lobsters are not real. What you think is a lobster is actually one of those aliens that has escaped from Sigourney Weaver's abdomen & self spawned, The only way of killing them is to denote a nuclear bomb in your kitchen. But if you wear a tin hat, sunglasses & wrap foil around yourself then you will survive the nuclear blast with no ill effects.

Why is the briefcase that contains the US nuclear launch codes called a Nuclear Football?

Because they often have a game of football with it in the oval officie
Did Trump sing I never promised you a Rose Garden ,when every body got COVID at the gathering in the Rose Garden?

No, he played it on a very tiny harmonica.

How do I go about surviving a job interview for a job I don't really want without overtly sabotaging myself?

Easy peasy, you just go dressed in victorian attire ( specifically high society fashion) and refuse to talk to the interviewer unless they courtesy to you an address you by ma'am.

What will the weather be like tomorrow

Votesforpedro I wish I'd seen this earlier! Actually interview went quite well...

Tomorrow it will rain giant scorpions. They will be chewing bubblegum, which will get in your hair, but you won't care because you will be dying of scorpion stings anyway.

Why are weekends so short?

So they can get under low bridges.

What shall I have for lunch?

Go for the vegan option cottage pie but make sure it has real beef in it.

Will halloween be scary ?

Oh yes. The amount of tantrums from kids not allowed to trick-or-treat will lead to a symphony of screams from nearly every house that has a child under ten.

Why has my laptop been getting so hot over the last couple of days?

No it will very jolly ,with lots of jolly games and food
What happens to all my towels ?

Computer Covid. It needs to isolate for 14 days, same as all other computer equipment in the vicinity.

Comment Tu t'appelle?

Hablas española mi amiga?

Will my DD's year, ever have any school again?
(After 4 days back at school another Covid+ in her year group)

Hablas española mi amiga?

And x2boys your towels have emigrated to Spain

Will my DD's year, ever have any school again?
(After 4 days back at school another Covid+ in her year group)

I recommend your DDs year apply for jobs now.

What shall I do on my quiet evening on Saturday (no kids, no husband!)