Answer the question above you. Wrong answers only. PART 3

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Previous question: Why is the swimming pool viewing gallery so hot?

Answer: Because the temperature controller is broken. It will get progressively hotter, then colder, then hotter... much like my shower at the moment!!

My question: How long will it take for THIS thread to fill up?

Because that's how he wins Scrabble, Monopoly etc by breaking all the rules.
You will ban all board games in your house from 6pm tomorrow.

Why did none of the shop assistants stalk me in Lush yesterday?
(I was very very surprised as normally they're more clingy than limpets on a boat - and DD dragged me in)

You were giving off scary Anna-Wintour vibes.

How do I get you alooooone?

Okay, new question...

Where is everyone today?!

Hiding from you

Does anyone need a drink from the bar?

I have no ambition to study law and so am immune to the attractions of the Bar.

What sort of Advent Calendar should I get the DC? (2x DS, 1x DD)

Whiskey one. Bargain at £200 each.

Why can't I teleport to bed?

Because it's jammed on the setting that will take you to the bed of a handsome multi-tentacled alien on Alpha Centauri

Is Yogic Flying a good new hobby?

No take up train spotting whilst pogoing instead,

Which idiot decided that the clocks needed putting back & forward each year? 😠

Well some guy was riding his horse through some woods down in Kent... (Or that may be some local myth from my home town)

What cake shall I bake for DHs work meeting today?

A Pontefract cake
How long is a piece of string?

2 centimetres shorter than you need it to be.

What happens if my prebooked train misses it’s connection with the next precooked train?

If there is no connection between your trains, they will both look elsewhere to find new love. Hopefully you will not end up in Inverness while aiming for Cardiff.

WIBU to eat the cake I made after getting up at 6.30 as he doesn't need it until this afternoon instead of this morning?

Assuming it is indeed a Pontefract cake yes that's fine
What to do in tier three ,and shite weather?

Sunbathe, as vitamin D is really good for you, and you'll need to be outside naked all day to get enough.

How can I summon the motivation to do some housework?

Create a summoning circle out of pieces of laundry and recite a poem to the Hoover Gods above.

Why am I so cold?

Because you are stood in the freezer department of a supermarket
Will the next half term be as uneventful as this one ?

I think there's a meteor strike planned for February

Why have a phone based ordering system in a cafe with rubbish phone reception?

To keep your children educated throughout half term.
The cafe is doing Physics
Whilst Tesco St Mellons is offering Law & Philosophy with Ethics, & Design & Technology on an ad-hoc basis.
If you can get over to Downing St the lessons of the week are Citizenship, Economics & Food Technology.

Would Boris Johnson be any good on Masterchef or Bake Off?

He would wow everyone with his competence at souffle

What am I going to do with all this butterscotch sauce?

You need to stop drinking Gin and try it sober
Why does my dog walk around in a circle before she settles on the sofa ?

Because triangles would be ridiculous

Fish and chips or pizza for dinner?

Because she's watched too many police dog programmes & is pretending to be a sniffer dog.
She's checking for drug, explosives & hidden criminals before she settles down.

Should Donald Trump have a blue rinse or dye his hair another colour?

Have Donald Trump's homemade Mock Turtle soup instead.

Should Donald Trump have a blue rinse or dye his hair another colour

Fish and chip pizza
DT should dye his hair hot pink with our spots

How can I entertain 3 kids for Halloween now we aren't going camping?

Perform Nightmare On Elm Street in your living room. You are all the characters.

Could I ever be vegan if I'm allergic to pretty much any vegan substitutes?