Badly behaved children getting all the rewards at school

[magicgoldpot]

This really annoys me and I would appreciate it if any teachers on here could give me an answer as to why this happens.

My ds started reception a few weeks ago and every single day I've collected him the teacher says how well behaved he has been. She's even referred to him as a 'star pupil'.

Ds came home saying Ben ( not real name ) pushed him hard in the back and he fell and grazed his knee and hand. Next day Ben wouldn't do what the teacher said and so the teacher shouted and it scared ds. Other incidents too and not just with Ben.

Anyway, at pick up Ben comes out first and proudly shows his Mum he has 2 stickers, so do a few others. For good listening apparently! Ds comes out and has no stickers but I am told by the teacher he's been amazing today.

This has happened a few times and ds asked me yesterday if he will get a sticker one day. He says Ben always gets one but he's naughty. I told ds do not copy what Ben is doing as that is not the way to get a sticker/ reward. You will get one one day.

So why do teachers reward 'naughty' children for the slightest bit of good behavior, when the children who are always good and follow the rules get nothing?

My ds never got rewards, or was forgotten about foe taking home the class bear in class or scouts.
He used to say I try do hard. Just because the are well behaved doesn't mean that it doesn't take effort. I always ended up talking to teacher when it got to summer term and hadn't had class bear etc Things changed in secondary where he got lots of awards and prizes, got made house captain etc and he thrived

Personally I think it would be better to reward the good children and show the badly behaved ones what they need to do to get those rewards.

It’s probably a harder road but it makes more sense than me.

My dd is very upset at the moment because there’s one child who gets reward stickers dished out for what my dd describes as “just doing her work”.

The person who gets the most stickers gets to choose the end of week reward time.

My dd has clocked that the chances are, no one else will get to chose as this one kid has a lower bar set for them.

She knows it not fair. I know it’s not fair - that’s not how the real world works! It’s very demoralising for her.

@Notfeelinggreattoday

One teacher explained to me my child wAs a grey child , not challenging and naughty but not top of the class bright so often teachers forget them

That’s appalling. Was that recently? I remember being told at DSS parents evening that he’d never be cool as he didn’t play football at lunchtime so didn’t hang out with the cool boys. Only a couple of years ago.

Irrelevant to his behaviour and academic ability and he had some lovely and thankfully equally uncool friends but she obviously felt we needed to know

But often the "good" children and high achievers are so privileged in life compared to the problem ones (economically, good parenting, safe homes etc.). Aren't schools the one place in particular which should be trying to break the cycle of exclusion and disadvantage?

Maybe. Although that in itself isn’t fair because there will be better behaved children who do have disadvantaged backgrounds.

Rewards shouldn’t be dished out based on pity.

Teach every child what they need to do to be rewarded. Children can be encouraged with specific praise, given ideas on how to improve - they don’t automatically need a sticker.

I remember the encouragement of my teacher in words - years later - I don’t remember the certificates!

@THisbackwithavengeance

Perhaps we should bring back caning and whipping for the badly behaved DCs and then people on here will be happy???

I work with young offenders (the older version of "Ben" and kids like this). I see 16 year old "criminals" literally squirm with happiness at the smallest bit of praise because they have never been praised or told they were worth anything.

Positive reinforcement works and anyone who begrudges a bloody sticker to a troubled little boy from a possibly troubled home needs to have a word with themselves.

Bravo!

Some people should just count themselves lucky their DC sail through

But often the "good" children and high achievers are so privileged in life compared to the problem ones

You have absolutely no idea what is going on with these children either. Who's to say they aren't from a single parent family with a dead mum and bullied at school. Its just as likely fhe naughty kids are from two parent families with a nice house and all the gadgets and even an aupair to kick and insult may have seen that

Positive reinforcement works and anyone who begrudges a bloody sticker to a troubled little boy from a possibly troubled home needs to have a word with themselves

No one is denying that. You can positively enforce good behaviour for everyone who behaves well. Not just those who start from a lower base.

DS was one on of those that had a reward chart to show he'd got through the day without a melt down, but it was between him, teacher and me, not something another child might have got and didn't because he was getting.

When HT asked Parent Council for a parent volunteer to look at the behaviour policy a number of people looked right at me! An expert on the subject by now and this was well known. My input to the behaviour policy was the importance of rewarding the forgotten middles that fly under the radar and don't feel rewarded for turning up and doing what they're supposed to do.

@THisbackwithavengeance. Completely agree. Why let the behaviour escalate if you can manage it with a sticker and make a 'failed' child feel that there is hope for them?

What other tools do teachers have, anyway? They can't beat children (thankfully!) and have limited support in the classroom if behavioural issues escalate. Maybe a few stickers for the 'baddies' is the price to pay for the rest of the class to learn in peace.

My daughter was upset about this when she was little and I spoke with the teacher who said that they want to recognise everyone in a positive way and some kids give them the opportunity every week and others they need to leap on something positive. They know that your DD can have it any time as any week she will behave well. You can use this to help your DD think more about reasons to behave that aren't about this sort of recognition and also about patience. My kids were both start of the week really late all through primary school and it has done them no harm.

Positive reinforcement works and anyone who begrudges a bloody sticker to a troubled little boy from a possibly troubled home needs to have a word with themselves.

THisbackwithavengeance It obviously doesn’t work for the kids you’re on about as they’re young offenders

At my cousins high school the children with challenging behaviour get to go on trips and all sorts when they have been well behaved, (pre covid obviously) and the kids who are good all the time get nothing. Totally unfair.

@Whatwouldscullydo. There's a statistical correlation between low income and poverty and lower academic achievement and behavioural issues. Some children start school with a mountain to climb.

Ben has behaviour problems but is doing well for him on that day, so is rewarded for his efforts. It's the same as the dyslexic kid getting a sticker for reading a book the rest of the class could read a year ago. It doesn't matter what the rest of the class can do and it's not a competition, its about the individual making progress relative to there own abilities.

I'm aware of that. But starting from a low bar of expectations based on pity can't be good for the kids

All my friends at school had all the excuses to be those kids too. They weren't. And it was the superior arseholes who bullied them.

One was a high achiever and she bloody worked her arse off for it.

Assumptions can be damaging sometimes

@AnneLovesGilbert I think mine will also never run with the cool crowd. He doesn't seem to have realised the "cool" divide, he just knows some boys are into football and play Fortnite into the small hours chatting on headsets, and he is not one of them, his friends do things like make little stop animation movies and origami. I put it to him that his friends aren't into "mainstream" stuff, they are gentle and kind and have quirky interests. I also told him "cult classic, not best seller" but that turned out to be too difficult to explain.

I'm not saying kids that are into football and Fortnite aren't lovely and sweet and gentle by the way, just giving my little geek a self esteem boost.

My son is one of the ones that got star of the week or stickers for not hitting out during the day, my son also has complex needs including severe autism and should never have have been in mainstream in the first place! But that was the councils decision not ours, thankfully he's now in a specialist setting, but at the time it was mortifying and I hated parents nights or school fares, shows etc the difference between my son and the rest of the children were massive, please don't blame the parents or the teachers it's not there choice my sons head teacher and class teachers advocated from day 1 that he needed a specialist setting and it took a long time and alot of serious incidents for the council to actually do anything about it

I have seen both sides of this as I have one child who has SN and really struggles at school and another who finds school easy and is known to be very 'good'.
The child with SN does get praised for things that children would be expected to do normally. That's because for him it is difficult. I am sure there are other parents that think it's not fair. Lots of things in life aren't fair. It's not fair my child struggles so hard and still is at the bottom of class. It's not fair he is never invited to parties and even if he was he couldn't cope. It's not fair that he will probably never live independently. Still at least we had stickers.
My 'good' child did start coming home with tales of naughty kids in his class. I explained to him that not everyone finds school as easy as him and he was lucky. He got it, the tales stopped and is now really good friends with one of the 'naughty' kids. As it turns out children are more than just the label that they are given on their first week in school.

This is why I'm not a fan of stickers/points/anything like that really. I'm not a teacher now but taught across KS1 and 2 for years. The problem with any behaviour system like this is that it's impossible to apply fairly because children all have such different needs. It seems unfair to the 'good' children when a 'naughty' child is rewarded for sitting nicely when they do it all day, but for that child it may be a major milestone. In my experience, most children who show challenging behaviour don't do it for no reason.

I spent a long time working in a school where the head didn't allow any kind of physical reward system. She said that what all children want is to feel valued and know that they are liked, and that the best reward is positive adult attention. She felt that if you teach children to behave because they get a sticker, it doesn't tackle problem behaviour at all because what children actually need is to recognise more important benefits of good behaviour- good relationships, a happier and more productive learning environment, feeling good about yourself etc.

Instead, we just used lots and lots of verbal praise, and encouraged the children to recognise and praise others as well. With a big class, you can't always spot and praise everything that happens, so it's nice to hear children giving words of encouragement to each other.

Teachers absolutely need to praise 'naughty' children too. We have to personalise our teaching based on the needs of each student, and this applies to behaviour too. If for example, I have a child who comes to me with really challenging behaviour, I have to make it a more attractive option to do the right thing by praising it when I see it. This benefits everyone- the child who learns that doing the right thing means positive recognition, and the children around them who don't want to be interrupted. However, as a teacher you have to make sure that you notice and praise children who always behave well. It's actually a very effective tool for managing poor behaviour as well. If you have a carpet full of four year olds and one is wriggling around and you praise the child next to them for sitting beautifully while ignoring the wriggler, wriggly child usually stops.

I think if a school has a sticker system, they need to apply it absolutely fairly. I've seen it done the other way too where children get their name written under the 'sad face' or something similar and I don't like that either.

Seems like v lazy and crappy teaching to me

@LadyofTheManners that may work for your children but it doesnt work for all. Especially children with disabilities or ones coming from chaotic home lives. By your estimation the shocking behaviour of your son throwing something at you should have never happened due to your parenting.. You also assume how people parent should be how they teach. Teaching and parenting are very different. The carrot works better than the stick.
I've worked with young people whose parents adopted the stick approach,the literal stick approach unfortunately. Positive reinforcement worked best with them. There was no punishment I could give them that was worse than what their parents would give. They craved praise and behaviour would improve immeasurably when they felt we would praise them.
Just to note I dont think children who are "naughty" are as a result of bad parenting. I've seen some kids with really well behaved siblings and parents who have done everything "right" and yet they break all the rules. Parents are very quick to judge others.
We always used positive reinforcement but like many educational settings, enforced consequences where necessary or appropriate but it wasnt at the core of our behaviour policy.

I also do not agree with 100 percent attendance certificates
You don’t reward or punish things that are out of children’s control
Only reward the thjngs in their control
And I hate how it’s unkind towards kids with actual medical problems
This should be scrapped

I don't think that anyone here is saying that the kid who has trouble behaving shouldn't get a star for sitting still for 10 mins, just why aren't the other kids getting a star if they behave well all day?

I felt this way at school, I was always well-behaved then felt I was punished by not getting stickers for things like sitting still, raising my hand etc. My mum explained it well when she said we get rewards for doing things we work hard on. I found it easy to sit still but other children didn't so they deserved a sticker for managing it. I got stickers for good quality schoolwork that I put my effort into. It didn't bother me after that.
However, punishing me for good behaviour by separating me from my friends and sitting me next to the naughty boys so I could calm them down and they could copy my work hit me with their pencil cases, I never forgave that!

Actually, should add that sometimes there will be a particular child who needs a reward system like a sticker chart that's just for them because they have a certain educational need that means the respond best to frequent rewards to show that they are meeting a goal. I'm not including that sort of situation in what I say because this is a way that the school meets their needs and will be agreed by the SENCO and the team supporting them. In that case, I think other children do need to understand that sometimes a particular child needs more help with their behaviour and it's not a reflection on them that x child has their own sticker chart.