Badly behaved children getting all the rewards at school

[magicgoldpot]

This really annoys me and I would appreciate it if any teachers on here could give me an answer as to why this happens.

My ds started reception a few weeks ago and every single day I've collected him the teacher says how well behaved he has been. She's even referred to him as a 'star pupil'.

Ds came home saying Ben ( not real name ) pushed him hard in the back and he fell and grazed his knee and hand. Next day Ben wouldn't do what the teacher said and so the teacher shouted and it scared ds. Other incidents too and not just with Ben.

Anyway, at pick up Ben comes out first and proudly shows his Mum he has 2 stickers, so do a few others. For good listening apparently! Ds comes out and has no stickers but I am told by the teacher he's been amazing today.

This has happened a few times and ds asked me yesterday if he will get a sticker one day. He says Ben always gets one but he's naughty. I told ds do not copy what Ben is doing as that is not the way to get a sticker/ reward. You will get one one day.

So why do teachers reward 'naughty' children for the slightest bit of good behavior, when the children who are always good and follow the rules get nothing?

@LolaSmiles

Thisismytimetoshine I said there is NOT a limited amount of praise to go around.

@LolaSmiles You did actually miss out the "Not".

Some children need more support to manage their behaviour than others. There's a limited amount of praise to go around.

@Lolaloveslemons

I can’t stand it.

‘Love to shop’ vouchers are given out like confetti to the most badly behaved children at my place of work.
Other students don’t understand it and I don’t understand it.
It’s a lazy way to deal with discipline problems.

Gosh really? What age group? How demotivating for the well behaved kids.

Oh, ok.

Completely get where you’re coming from OP. DS8 has a similar child in his class who always gets a certain amount of special privileges. If they’re lining up to go out at the end of the day, this boy will push to the front and the teacher will let him. He gets to do forest school at extra times to the rest of the class. He gets picked more often for the special awards, he got chosen to collect the trophy when they won sports day etc etc. It does get irritating as a parent. Especially when your child is generally quiet, well behaved and under the radar. I get that it’s to incentivise good behaviour but do wonder the effect it has on the other children. Funnily enough though, when I ask my DS, he is quite accepting of it, and just says it’s because the boy has special needs, so he needs to be treated differently at times. He gets on quite well with the boy, despite being a bit worried when he behaves badly,, and It makes me quite proud that he’s mature enough to empathise with him and understand.

Ds has to go to the front of the line - he can’t cope with the hussle and any sense of feeling boxed in. Being at the front also means the teacher can take his hand and keep him focused.

He goes out to do extra sessions, including in the past of the forest school - because for various reasons he needed the extra support.

At least it sounds like we have some children who are more understanding than their parents about the fact that the needs of different children mean they may be treated differently and get extra help and encouragement with things.

Like someone says. Don’t care if Ben is getting loads of stickers/prizes as long as occasionally the quiet/well behaved kids are at least acknowledged occasionally. Their schooling matters too and there are issues from being constantly ignored. I’ve had parents evenings where literally the teacher couldn’t think of anything to say about DD except she was quiet.

Also from what I see secondaries don’t run the same way (I have worked in a few). If these children can’t function without rewards it’s going to be a shock from the change.
There was a girl in DDs class in primary, She’s what we would have called ‘teachers pet’. Picked for everything and the star of every single bloody show. She’s gone to secondary and she’s struggling now with not being the centre of attention.

I’m 31 and still feel annoyed that the naughty boys got a special mention in assembly at the end of the year because they had been good for a day or two. I was a good girl all year and never got a mention.

@Sirzy

It would be nice if the understanding went both ways though. I understand that some children will be treated differently depending on their individual needs, but perhaps a bit of understanding back towards the children who are quiet and don’t stand out for anything and how they may feel being always overlooked and how this may or may not effect them in the future.

My post from 11.19 says there's not a limited amount of praise:

Some children need more support to manage their behaviour than others.There's not a limited amount of praise to go around.

I put on positive behaviour points every lesson for all my students who have worked well.
I might also write a note in Child A's planner telling home they had a great lesson. A positive note home for Child A makes a massive difference and means their parents get to hear something nice instead of lots of teachers ringing about bad behaviour.

Somehow I doubt anyone complaining about a sticker and a note in A's planner would want to trade places with A's parents and be in school regularly for meetings with teachers, heads of year and senior leadership. I doubt they'd not want almost daily negative updates.

Or course, I might be wrong. Maybe they would rather swap the praise and nice comments at the end of every day for a couple of stickers and 75% negative contact from school

Also from what I see secondaries don’t run the same way (I have worked in a few). If these children can’t function without rewards it’s going to be a shock from the change.
Some of them have had massive shocks at secondary schools I've been in.

Some parents are surprised that their child's place in the sports team requires good behaviour and good attendance at training, not just 'Timmy is disruptive so we'll put him in the football team to encourage him'. Equally, whilst the schools I've worked in have tended to be good for genuine SEND needs, they're don't tend to pander to the wants of badly behaved students in the way some are used to.

My kid is one of the ones with extra stickers and a different routine. Praised for doing things the other kids do effortlessly.
That's because those things are so damn difficult for her due to permanent brain damage. She's been through drug withdrawal at birth, she's experienced neglect. Her starting point at school is so, so different to her peers.
Thankfully school are wonderful. And all the kids are aware she is different but still a valued member of the class.
She may never live independently etc - please don't begrudge her a few stickers and some extra praise.

@LolaSmiles. That's bizarre! You copied the post and it reads There's a limited amount of praise to go round, and when I pressed quote it stuck a "not" in!!
Read your post at 13.09, and see what it looks like on the page.

What's occurring? 😂😂

It's done it again! Try to quote your post and it actually changes 🙄

@LolaSmiles

Some children need more support to manage their behaviour than others.There's not a limited amount of praise to go around.

I put on positive behaviour points every lesson for all my students who have worked well.
I might also write a note in Child A's planner telling home they had a great lesson. A positive note home for Child A makes a massive difference and means their parents get to hear something nice instead of lots of teachers ringing about bad behaviour.

Somehow I doubt anyone complaining about a sticker and a note in A's planner would want to trade places with A's parents and be in school regularly for meetings with teachers, heads of year and senior leadership. I doubt they'd not want almost daily negative updates.

Or course, I might be wrong. Maybe they would rather swap the praise and nice comments at the end of every day for a couple of stickers and 75% negative contact from school. 🤷‍♀️

Very strange...

It’s changed it!

I read 'There's a limited amount'..

So weird. Missing that word changes the meaning of your sentence.

MNHQ are out to get you, Lola 😂 This is so weird!

The problem imo is they never separate the 2.

Children who struggle to meet behaviour standards should have personal targets and goals and rewards for meeting those.

But it shouldn't be just those children. There should also be a generalised reward system so those behaving don't get demotivated.

My ds has asd. His year R they had the wow rainbow and white, Grey and black cloud. Everyone started on sun.

Ds struggled. Would get moved to white cloud for things he couldn't help as he didn't understand. He started to learn. Would do the stuff required as he learnt what that was and also "extra" stuff to try and move to the wow.
His teacher would reuse to even move him from white cloud back to sun where naturally most children stayed when he did something right because he should be behaving like that anyway and tough he moved down and he should stay there.

It made it harder and harder to motivate ds to out in all the extra effort to get it right because a mistake could never be undone. Luckily when he went to year 1 he had a sensible teacher who realised that if he made a mistake at 9.30 he wasn't going to spend the day making an effort to understand and behave appropriately until 3pm of he could never be rewarded for it. She soon realised the bad days were because he'd given up by 9.30 if moved down!

(Btw before anyone starts about my sons behaviour he wasn't naughty. He was actually selective mute so very quiet but he was so passive he'd be engaged in activity alone and in a corner and not even notice everyone tidy up and his yr R teacher wouldn't go to him to get his attention she'd just wait until everyone was done and then yell at him and move him down).

@Passthecake30

It’s a well known fact that the well behaved kids get star of the week etc last. You’ll be able to tell where your kids are on the behaviour/ability scale depending on when they get it to some extent. Also, my ds and dd were 2 years apart in the same school. Miraculously they got star of the week on the same week, no coincidence there

Not always true! My son was a nightmare (he has pathological demand avoidance), god help any teacher who ever had him, and the ones he has now even more, but at primary school he used to get dalta na seachtaine in week 52 The after thought

This so really weird.

It must have said it otherwise several people wouldn't have noted it.
🤣

How bizarre!

Her starting point at school is so, so different to her peers.

This is so true, I’d be delighted if my child didn’t need additional support at school, I’d be delighted if her biggest challenge was being a bit overlooked because she was coping well in class and I’d find ways to motivate her myself. I’d gladly swap a few stickers and a plastic star in exchange for the early life experiences that mean she really struggles. I’m glad her school finds ways to keep her engaged and feeling valued despite her being painfully aware of how different she is. I certainly don’t grudge other kids in her class who need more support than she does.

There’s so little support for children with mild to moderate difficulties who don’t need the extent of support a specialist school would provide, but who don’t cope well in a standard school setting either.

“There’s so little support for children with mild to moderate difficulties who don’t need the extent of support a specialist school would provide, but who don’t cope well in a standard school setting either.“

Yep, and it’s so shortsighted. (Although I’m not doubting the difficulty of getting child with more profound needs the help they need either.)

It’s just a bit crap that people whose “under the radar” children aren’t supported with whatever their issues are, and they do deserve support whatever the issues and SEN or not, start resenting, picking at and being jealous of the meagre support offered to very vulnerable children, instead of putting blame where it actually should land - government, lack of funding, lack of proper SEN support, large class sizes, Govian academic priorities etc.

Although frankly getting upset that a child with additional needs gets extra forest school or whatever is equivalent in my eyes to getting upset that someone with a blue badge got a better parking space at the supermarket.

We have had people complain to school that DS has a “teacher all the time” when their child doesn’t - it’s his 1-1 which we had to fight to get the right funding for.

People have even complained that I am allowed into the school office to drop off and pick up when other parents aren’t allowed on site - The fact that he simply wouldn’t get into school otherwise (and that it’s written into his ehcp) seems to miss them.

Some parents seem to get a strange level of jealously if provision that has been hard fought for. I’m guessing they wouldn’t swap for the daily battles to get things sorted though!

Dh was punched in the stomach outside the school by someone who was furious our car was parked outside “all the time” because “everyone else managed to park at the bottom of the hill”. We would have loved to be with everyone else. We would love to be able to do what everyone else did so easily.