How to stop someone buying the house next door

[Anonandonandonandon]

Entirely tongue in cheek, I intend to be neighbourly and lovely but...

Our neighbours are selling their house. It’s on a really quiet road, tucked away so that you’d never come down it if you weren’t a resident or visiting a resident. It’s a big reason we bought here.

On Tuesday I heard an almighty roaring noise that even my colleagues on zoom suggested I should investigate. I looked out of the window to see a very expensive car turning outside our house and driving off. Turns out the driver had been looking around next door.

Today I came home to find said very expensive car parked partially across my driveway, which was a bit annoying in itself. Must be a second viewing. Now I have visions of being woken up by an ostentatiously loud car every morning or late at night and living next door to someone who feels the need for such an expensive and ostentatiously loud car

Any (also tongue in cheek) suggestions as to how I put them off?

My neighbours were playing 3 blind mice for their kids on repeat VERY LOUD...it was annoying for sure ! Highly recommend !

6 kids on a trampoline, rottweiler, fag ends everywhere, oops upside your head on repeat.

Borrow a horrible fierce loud dog ( not sure where from!!!) ... I was terrified I'd never sell my house when I had a snarling Staffie hurling itself at the fence from next door

@BoneAppleTeeth .. ha ha .. I just posted about borrowing a dog .. same idea !!!

Buy the house as an investment and rent it out.

Call out a Japanese knotweed exterminator to your house - company name with knotweed appropriately in the name and have them park up outside your house

That will scare them off!

Put your old furniture and some pots and pans, bags of rubbish in the front yard. It won’t take long for people to realise they don’t want to live next door. Also leave a sign outside saying, if you like my front garden, you should see the old treasures in my house

And watch the obsessive compulsive program on YouTube the one with hoarders and take note of their front garden - messy windows (egg your front window), dog poop, pots and pans through the garden.

By the way thanks for the laugh. This is a fun post. I needed to laugh it was fun for a moment and it sounds a lot like my garden. I feel sorry for my neighbors as I am useless at gardening. It’s pretty wild although there are no pots and pans - not yet anyway

A few months ago I put my house up for sale. Had an afternoon of viewings booked in. Before the first viewer arrived my (lovely) neighbours had a visitor...parked very near the drop of my kerb was Trotters Robin Reliant!!! I swear to god I've never seen it before on the road & of all the days 🤦‍♀️

Rude topiary

@motorcyclenumptiness

Rude topiary

That is just brilliant!

Channel shameless, be extra nosy, talk about him and her and them at n 2, 5 ,8

Do as my neighbours do.....
Loud arguments, shitty music at eye watering volume and right now appears to be having a rap battle.....
They ARE NOT TEENAGERS 🙄

Next time you see them, collar them and say you're so glad they're here now: you'd like to tell them about Jesus.
You could arrange for the children to be singing hymns in the garden. And dancing.

(We had neighbours like this - nothing to do with us because they moved in later but the evangelism and preaching to the wildlife was a right royal PIA.)

Is the car an Aston Martin DB11?

gillybombilly
Be daring - walk around in the nuddy in the back garden when they’re viewing and wave enthusiastically asking if they’d like to join your twice-weekly naked yoga group when they move in grin“

Wave what? Downward dog?

Sit in the window nit combing your fanny hair? I saw this the other morning in our local psych hospital. She put a middle finger up at me too.

A mattress and car on bricks in front garden

If this hasn't been suggested already - throw a few syringes and used condoms, and perhaps a pair or two of dirty pants into next door's garden/ driveway, a cosy spot near the house? Or put up a sign pointing to a Pet Semetary behind the house?

Make it look like you've recently dug a makeshift grave in your back garden and leave loads of empty bleach bottles in your recycling box in front of your house.

@Fromage

Tell them to make sure the handbrake is in good working order because the lizard gods told you this area is quite near the edge of Earth and you'd hate it if the car rolled clean off. Then offer them a random piece of food, as if sharing a snack.

"Oxo cube?"

This. Please, this.

I would say 'nice car, won't last long round these parts.'!

#LoudCarLivesMatter

Bollock them for blocking your drive.