How to stop someone buying the house next door

[Anonandonandonandon]

Entirely tongue in cheek, I intend to be neighbourly and lovely but...

Our neighbours are selling their house. It’s on a really quiet road, tucked away so that you’d never come down it if you weren’t a resident or visiting a resident. It’s a big reason we bought here.

On Tuesday I heard an almighty roaring noise that even my colleagues on zoom suggested I should investigate. I looked out of the window to see a very expensive car turning outside our house and driving off. Turns out the driver had been looking around next door.

Today I came home to find said very expensive car parked partially across my driveway, which was a bit annoying in itself. Must be a second viewing. Now I have visions of being woken up by an ostentatiously loud car every morning or late at night and living next door to someone who feels the need for such an expensive and ostentatiously loud car

Any (also tongue in cheek) suggestions as to how I put them off?

Ha, the quote didn't work - that was to the larp friends suggestion, obvs

Russian Orthodox chanting is pretty good...
Here..
Say ''I hope you won't disturb the sanctity of the area with your loud car?''

Larping for the win!

Orrrr draw one of them chalk dead bodies on the drive way and cordon it with police tape. When they pull up in their car come out the house and sadly shake your head saying "thats the fifth time this year".

Our next door neighbours have split up, and the house is on the market.
One half desperately doesn’t want to move so we have an unofficial agreement that when I hear some viewers arrive, I let the dog out into our garden and tell her their are cats and squirrels, so she barks like mad for a few mins

So far, no offers...

@hilariousnamehere

I'm totally voting for this one, my larp friends and me are weird enough to put anyone off 😂

What’s your RPG of choice?

I think my mates could rustle up a (small, “COVID-secure”) army of roundheads pretty quickly.

Mind you....@Anonandonandonandon
You might get a Rammstein/ Russian Orthodox chanting bloke who was into LARP-ing and who liked weed and beer.... plus who was keen on sofas and mattresses in his front garden...

Just spoke to bro about this,..and he said they tried blasting potential new neighbours out of buying next door, with electric guitars played at 11, and it didn't work...
Neighbs just got the Council involved when they did move in.

Detached with no noise making neighbs must be wonderful!

@LouiseNW

Better still, a Trump, Keep America Great flag.

Two streets away (North West town). Full size thing on a flagpole (alongside the sign saying Trespassers will be shot, then shot again to make sure). I’ve heard the residents speaking to each other, they are most definitely not American.
That would make me head for the hills, however palatial the house I was viewing.

🤯

Someone who lives near me has one of those very flags.* We are not in the US.

*They also have a very strange sculpture/figure on display. I've left out further details as it would be recognisable.

Surely you need to get the rest of the street involved in Operation Sod Off Mr Penis-Mobile? Get all the neighbours to crowd around the expensive car, touching the paintwork and oohing in admiration. Give your three year old an ice cream to accidentally drop on the bonnet or through a window if he’s stupid enough to leave one open. Get all the local teenagers to repeatedly ask him to give them a drive, or let them try it out - they got their provisional licenses you know! Mr Boring from number 28 needs to engage him in a detailed conversation about exactly which car wax is the best one, bonus points if he’s got a few samples he can rub all over the doors in patchy bits. And Doris for number 53 needs to whisper in his ear all about how she’s always found men with big cars so very very attractive...

Dress your DH up as "our aveline" feom bread and send him round for a nice i quisarive welcome to the neighbourhood chat. He can do the overfriendly wink wink come on to one of them too

@EscapingFromWorkStress

Dress your DH up as "our aveline" feom bread and send him round for a nice i quisarive welcome to the neighbourhood chat. He can do the overfriendly wink wink come on to one of them too

Inquisitive... should have check spelling

I’m doing the exact same thing 😆

As soon as I see the estate agent I’m riling the kids up, turning up Hey Duggee to full blast and encouraging the dog to play bark...unless I see an elderly couple coming in to view. In that case we are all sweetness and as quiet as church mice. I even managed to get the kids to go outside and say “how do you do” to the sweetest old lady...the house is now Sold STC...I’m really hoping it’s the sweet old lady 🙂 If it is, I promise to be the loveliest, friendliest neighbor in the world.

I’m not a terrible person. I just can’t have young ravers living next to us when we’ve got 2 under 2. I barely sleep as it is 🤣

Buy about 8 sets of bongos and get a bunch of friends round to "practice" when people come to view the place, then cheerfully ask the viewers if they would like to join your drumming circle when they move in and mention that you practice 2-3 times per week.

@Anonandonandonandon

Entirely tongue in cheek, I intend to be neighbourly and lovely but...

Our neighbours are selling their house. It’s on a really quiet road, tucked away so that you’d never come down it if you weren’t a resident or visiting a resident. It’s a big reason we bought here.

On Tuesday I heard an almighty roaring noise that even my colleagues on zoom suggested I should investigate. I looked out of the window to see a very expensive car turning outside our house and driving off. Turns out the driver had been looking around next door.

Today I came home to find said very expensive car parked partially across my driveway, which was a bit annoying in itself. Must be a second viewing. Now I have visions of being woken up by an ostentatiously loud car every morning or late at night and living next door to someone who feels the need for such an expensive and ostentatiously loud car

Any (also tongue in cheek) suggestions as to how I put them off?

Ah, I'm glad my neighbours have found a new house to buy! If it's a Lamborghini I feel for you. Our neighbours (whose house has just sold thank god) has one and honestly, the noise when he starts it is just ridiculous, especially at 6am!

A friend of mine was really keen on a house but pulled out of the purchase because on the second viewing, as they exited the house, they saw the next door neighbour putting his wheelie bins out on the pavement while stark bollock naked. He then greeted them cheerfully and asked them in for a drink. Why not try that?

A trampoline. A beware dogs sign. Cigarette ends all along the border. Lots of copies of the Watchtower in your hoyse window and car. A recording of a baby crying, playing loudly and on repeat

I’d rather have a neighbour with a loud car than my new neighbour - 4 children and a squeaky trampoline.

Sounds like the kind of road I'm looking for, send me the details, I'm lovely. Honest.

I wish Id seen this before our horrible new neighbours moved in

Get a group of you (no more than 6) and stand in a circle with cloaks on and a fire in the middle, wave your sage stick around call in the gods of whatever with your hands raised to the sky and then everyone very seriously start chanting OM. Do some weird dancing and look very serious if that's possible then call out for the sacrifice. If they look ask if they'd like to join the circle of trust then wave some beads around them telling them you're ridding them of any negative attachments or entities.

DH says get a Ferret Scout Car and park it in the drive.

Erect a washing line in your front garden and hang up some ragged old men’s underpants in glaringly bright colours, ragged old cut off jeans and a variety of odd socks. Then add some faded ragged old towels and bedsheets. Leave them out for at least a fortnight. Replace if necessary with similar stuff, never have the line empty. Downside is, you will have to look at it every day, but at least you have control here. Sit on the old sofa sometimes and read the sun, let pages blow over into next doors garden but only collect up half. Half do all the puzzles and crosswords.

Buy a pair of cockrells!

@Gramgram

DH says get a Ferret Scout Car and park it in the drive.

Had to google that. Not pretty are they?!

Attempt to flog them forever living and Arbonne and Avon and AND younique altogether.
Then laugh and say. ‘I’ll get you in the end if you move next door’