How to stop someone buying the house next door

[Anonandonandonandon]

Entirely tongue in cheek, I intend to be neighbourly and lovely but...

Our neighbours are selling their house. It’s on a really quiet road, tucked away so that you’d never come down it if you weren’t a resident or visiting a resident. It’s a big reason we bought here.

On Tuesday I heard an almighty roaring noise that even my colleagues on zoom suggested I should investigate. I looked out of the window to see a very expensive car turning outside our house and driving off. Turns out the driver had been looking around next door.

Today I came home to find said very expensive car parked partially across my driveway, which was a bit annoying in itself. Must be a second viewing. Now I have visions of being woken up by an ostentatiously loud car every morning or late at night and living next door to someone who feels the need for such an expensive and ostentatiously loud car

Any (also tongue in cheek) suggestions as to how I put them off?

Windchimes! Hundreds of them everywhere!

No witty suggestions but this is my favourite thread for a very long time - has cheered me up enormously!

Piss on their doorstep!

I was going to suggest handing an invite to your next swingers' party, but you never know, it could backfire.

@BlodwynBludd

Leave empty cans of tenants across.the pavement outside and find a really overweight hairy man to wear a string vest and sit in the front garden burping.

Add a knotted hankie on his head and this was my mates dad when I was a kid

Release some rats as they arrive.

Wickerman in the front garden

ZappBrannigan

Wickerman in the front garden”

Have you seen the wicker man on the M5 in Somerset? About 100ft tall. It’s art, apparently.
Opposite an housing estate. Must terrify the resident children.

Sidle up to them and say "you are so BRAVE ... with all that supernatural activity going on.....the poltergeist, the blood running down the walls, the screams...."

Grow up.

They have a noisy car. So what?

@YeaSure

Grow up.

They have a noisy car. So what?

Dammit, OP! Your new neighbour is a Mumsnetter.

@Fromage

Tell them to make sure the handbrake is in good working order because the lizard gods told you this area is quite near the edge of Earth and you'd hate it if the car rolled clean off. Then offer them a random piece of food, as if sharing a snack.

"Oxo cube?"

Ohhhhhh, I absolutely love this 🤣🤣🤣

@JonSnowIsALoser

If this hasn't been suggested already - throw a few syringes and used condoms, and perhaps a pair or two of dirty pants into next door's garden/ driveway, a cosy spot near the house? Or put up a sign pointing to a Pet Semetary behind the house?

God that's probably the best one. Nobody would ever think that was staged.

@HarrietsweetHarriet

Sidle up to them and say "you are so BRAVE ... with all that supernatural activity going on.....the poltergeist, the blood running down the walls, the screams...."

@LouiseNW no I hadn't but I have now! Just....wow
😬😬😬

@LouiseNW

ZappBrannigan

Wickerman in the front garden”

Have you seen the wicker man on the M5 in Somerset? About 100ft tall. It’s art, apparently.
Opposite an housing estate. Must terrify the resident children.

he is much loved locally!

He currently needs lots of repair and the locals are raising money to fix him.

@Anoone

I think I know this house! So prepare for lots of questions and I may be able to shed some light! Does the house have a reasonable amount of land? You say the car was parked over part of your driveway - Was the car you saw no older than a year or two and the driver and wife quite young looking & dressed in a ‘flash’ way? Ie wife very ott with the make up, eyebrows and ott tan?!!

Nope. Doesn’t fit the description. They had masks on, but neither young nor ott.

Find out when their next vieiwing is then find the seediest most sawdusty pub in the vicinity. Go in, and invite the dodgiest looking group of people over for a lockdown gathering, tempt them with a few free beers.

Dammit, OP! Your new neighbour is a Mumsnetter.

Uh oh! Think you’re right. No sign of the car again either...

I’ll say it again slowly, just for the avoidance of doubt. This. is. just. for. a. laugh.

@Tomasinabombadil

Is the car an Aston Martin DB11?

It’s one of those 2 things. Haven’t a clue about the other. The first time I saw it I told my husband I’d been disturbed by a very loud Tesla. He was

I’d seen a Tesla of the same colour on the road for the first time the day before (another viewer I think) and assumed it was the same. Didn’t think beyond the colour

Borrow three or four extra cars for a bit - label them all as if they were taxis.

If you're concerned about the noise of a Tesla you won't like bees and butterflies - bloody noisy things.

@WhoWouldHaveThoughtThat

If you're concerned about the noise of a Tesla you won't like bees and butterflies - bloody noisy things.

Maybe I should start a reverse thread to encourage the Tesla owners to buy the house, if they turn up again. Wonder if any of the swinger suggestions would be the same.

It’s one car, Aston Martin is the make, DB11 is the latest model😂
Sean Connery as James Bond drove an Aston Martin DB5 in the film Goldfinger in 1964🙂