How to stop someone buying the house next door

[Anonandonandonandon]

Entirely tongue in cheek, I intend to be neighbourly and lovely but...

Our neighbours are selling their house. It’s on a really quiet road, tucked away so that you’d never come down it if you weren’t a resident or visiting a resident. It’s a big reason we bought here.

On Tuesday I heard an almighty roaring noise that even my colleagues on zoom suggested I should investigate. I looked out of the window to see a very expensive car turning outside our house and driving off. Turns out the driver had been looking around next door.

Today I came home to find said very expensive car parked partially across my driveway, which was a bit annoying in itself. Must be a second viewing. Now I have visions of being woken up by an ostentatiously loud car every morning or late at night and living next door to someone who feels the need for such an expensive and ostentatiously loud car

Any (also tongue in cheek) suggestions as to how I put them off?

Put a sofa in your front garden and a fridge

Stick an old armchair out front and take it in turns to sit there drinking beer or summat. This could be fun if properly organised 😂

Park, badly, a rust bucket, dented car on your drive (Borrow mine if you want). They won’t want their ostentatious expensive car to be in the same post code area as a crashed Up mess

If the car appears again put a copy of Watchtower magazine under the wiper.
You won't see them again.

Do you know anyone who has a tired old car that looks terrible? Invite them over for a cup of tea.

Next time they arrive, play some music really loudly. Preferably some terrible music.

Leave empty cans of tenants across.the pavement outside and find a really overweight hairy man to wear a string vest and sit in the front garden burping.

@CigarsofthePharoahs

If the car appears again put a copy of Watchtower magazine under the wiper. You won't see them again.

This is hilarious! Also very discreet so as not to damage my nice neighbour image

Put up a fake camera and loads of “burglars beware - loose dog running around” and “smile you’re on camera thief” signs round the front of your house and on the lane to make it appear as if it’s well known crime spot 😂

This reminds me of the time our neighbours in Australia didn’t want anyone to buy the vacant block next door to them. Whenever someone came for a viewing they turned the radio up and got the vacuum cleaner going. They also attached a home-made sign to the big ‘for sale’ sign: BEWARE OF SNAKES.

Apply for planning permission to use your house for something. A nursery, a doggie day care and kennels, a car re-spraying business in the front garden, a rehabilitation centre for substance dependency or young offenders, a manure processing plant... the choice is yours.

You obviously don't have to carry out any of these, but they will be in the planning permission pipeline for ages and the solicitor's search will alert potential buyers.

@Paddingtonthebear

Put up a fake camera and loads of “burglars beware - loose dog running around” and “smile you’re on camera thief” signs round the front of your house and on the lane to make it appear as if it’s well known crime spot 😂

My parents have a really annoying sensor that shouts “Warning! you are being recorded by a security camera” if you set foot in the front garden. Wonder where they got it from...

Buy your dh a string vest. Hoist his pants down a bit and send him out the front...

If you see them again, go up to them and say you can’t wait for them to move in , you just know that you’ll be best friends, can’t wait to have them hear your new hobby of Icelandic throat singing m.youtube.com/watch?v=Yszg9fkW0Ls

Pop a note on the car saying how much you hope they buy the house as they can join your new cult! Go into a as much detail as possible and leave a cult badge or robe and details for their initiation

Or an OTT list of neighbourhood rules:

• no watering the grass on Sundays
• weekly neighbourhood street gatherings (everyone being a new dish!)
• no wearing blue as Derek at number 32 is colour blind and you all need to be considerate
• no open windows. Ever.

@Biancadelrioisback

Pop a note on the car saying how much you hope they buy the house as they can join your new cult! Go into a as much detail as possible and leave a cult badge or robe and details for their initiation

Sure there must be something in the kids’ dressing up box

Play some loud music eg rap , death metal , speakers against the wall . Open your windows . Sing along .

Have a very loud argument with your DH , preferably out of doors whilst drunk .

If you have DC invite the whole class round and play water fights in the garden (lots of squealing ) . I suppose though ATM you can only invite 6 of them so choose the noisiest

Oh! Invites for the local amature choir that you host from your back garden every Sunday morning at 7?

"This neighborhood has a self imposed lockdown which we police with fines. Local authority is aware and fully supports us. We will continue this until COP 2021, hope you don't mind!"

Sorry, I'm proper into this...

Start planting pampas grass and offer them a bowl for their car keys.

Assuming they come as a couple, openly come on to one of them in front of their partner whilst saying how you hope to be able to welcome them to the neighbourhood soon. Wink suggestively as you say welcome.

@shinynewapple2020

Play some loud music eg rap , death metal , speakers against the wall . Open your windows . Sing along .

Have a very loud argument with your DH , preferably out of doors whilst drunk .

If you have DC invite the whole class round and play water fights in the garden (lots of squealing ) . I suppose though ATM you can only invite 6 of them so choose the noisiest

We mostly listen to “let it go” and “into the unknown” on repeat in this house! The kids singing that at the top of their voices has got to be off putting. We’re detached, so I’d probably need to join in to make it loud enough. That’s got to work!