How to stop someone buying the house next door

[Anonandonandonandon]

Entirely tongue in cheek, I intend to be neighbourly and lovely but...

Our neighbours are selling their house. It’s on a really quiet road, tucked away so that you’d never come down it if you weren’t a resident or visiting a resident. It’s a big reason we bought here.

On Tuesday I heard an almighty roaring noise that even my colleagues on zoom suggested I should investigate. I looked out of the window to see a very expensive car turning outside our house and driving off. Turns out the driver had been looking around next door.

Today I came home to find said very expensive car parked partially across my driveway, which was a bit annoying in itself. Must be a second viewing. Now I have visions of being woken up by an ostentatiously loud car every morning or late at night and living next door to someone who feels the need for such an expensive and ostentatiously loud car

Any (also tongue in cheek) suggestions as to how I put them off?

What if the pampas grass attracted some actual interest though? I might never be able to show my face at the school gates again

Get a couple of pigs for the back garden and get your DH to dress up as Reginald Perrin's alter ego the pig farmer

Upside down crosses in garden,witches brooms ..start dressing in hooded cloaks 🤣

Get a trampoline and budge it up against the fence. Be ready to hop up and down staring into their house when they come to view again. Mumsnetters hate trampolines and staring neighbours, so this bloke might feel the same.

And train your 3 year old to ask lots of questions preferably intrusive.

Find out their name and get a retraining order

Blast that new song of Cardie Bs out the window at full volume.

Knock on the door when they’re there and say “really sorry but could I check the back garden to see if my cat has pooed in there again? Vet says I must monitor her loose bowels so I’m keeping a diary. I’m so sorry this has gone on so long....”

Dress up as big foot and run around the perimeters of their house at night making loud noises. They might be scared of big foot.

You're going to have to talk to them. Enthusiastically. Tell them about how much you look forward to helping them develop a personal relationship with Jesus. Other deities are available.

I'm up for ferret duties actually if 3 year old isn't up to it.

I'm sure I could throw myself on the car bonnet prostrate and you could sympathetically say "she's on spice, she used to be a household pet"

This is my favourite thread! Just what I needed after my day 🙂

😂😂😂enjoying this thread very much.

Get a hot tub.

Oh my God!, what have I said...

What make and model was this very expensive car?

Knock on the door, look worriedly around and say one of your Burmese pythons has got out again, last time she was out she was in the neighbours kitchen looking for the cat, and could they please check? 🤣😂

Knock on the door and when they answer tell them "let jimmy know i dropped by. He knows what it means." then doff your cap give a solemn nod and back away slowly.

Borrow 15 cats, assuming you don't have them already and put on a mad cat lady act.

@Anonandonandonandon
I put off some neighbours...
The walls were extremely thin..
I heard Estate agent show bloke around, and I let my landline ring and ring {dialled it from mobile}

THEN I knocked next door and asked if Neighbs were in {I knew they were not}
I feigned surprise and said ''Yes, they are lovely houses, *But the walls are so thin...you hear EVERYTHING'' [inserted eye roll here]

The woman with the bloke said '';That's not good...Not how loud you like to have your music''
I blenched and said ''Oh you can hear next door on the loo''

Anyway.... a few hours later , I had a furious call from NDN saying I's scuppered their buyer, and they were going to take legal action.

They didn't ...and luckily I have nice neighbs ...Good luck!!

I love this thread

Just ask and I'll send my kids and their friends around to play out the front one afternoon.
I can guarantee a scratched car, broken windows, graffiti and foul language if they are unsupervised

I’ll ask if my neighbour will lend you her dd who is proficient in asking ‘what you doing?’ every 3 seconds, whilst jumping on her trampoline and peering over the fence.

Tell them cheerfully that they dont need to worry about that covid. You have personally licked every wall in their new home to make sure it was safe.

@thenightsky

What make and model was this very expensive car?

DH thinks I might get myself in trouble revealing this! Particularly now the thread is trending .

Daniel Craig wouldn’t look out of place in something similar though.

If my neighbours are reading this...I really am joking, honest!

Look up "step brothers selling house" on YouTube from Step Brothers film. Gives you some ideas

@WhoWouldHaveThoughtThat

Get a hot tub.

Oh my God!, what have I said...

My parents have a hot tub. What are you possibly insinuating?