Should I push to find the truth about who smashed it or accept it was an accident?

[SuspiciousSmasher]

Name changed as quite outing and will try to be brief.

I own my house - a few months before, I had replaced something broken in the house. It had been broken for around 9 months and it took this long for me to save to get a new one (around £1k).

I had to be away from home for 3 weeks. In week one, dp allowed his son (age 21) to stay there with his friends (dp was with me). 2nd week dp went back for 2 days and a night and the same with the 3rd week.

I came back on Saturday. Didn't use said item till Sunday but when I did, I noticed there was a massive crack in it and a clear dent - it's obvious someone dropped something v heavy on it and has broken it. It's unlikely to be able to be repaired.

Everyone is claiming they know nothing about it. I don't believe for a second that you would not know you had dropped something on it but if it was someone else who did the dropping (not you), you wouldn't notice till you used it.

I just want someone to say 'sorry I did it'. Dp says as no one is saying that I need to accept it was an accident - which I'm sure it was - but there are no children involved so these are all adults and I'm really pissed off no one is man enough to admit it.

Wow, I need to know what the item is.

Do you have ways of making people talk? I understand wanting someone to stand up, but in the absence of their having a code of ethics what can you really do.

Tie them up and torture the truth out of them!

I'm annoyed on your behalf OP, that sounds shit.
Someone obviously did it but isn't admitting to it. Annoyingly there's not much to be done about it really, unless someone comes forward with a confession

What is DP doing allowing these youngsters to stay there in your house without you being there or him supervising?
That's outrageous, and he should be footing the bill if he's allowed your house/property to be damaged by his guests.

He did ask me whether his son could stay but it was presented really as a fait accompli though I have to admit I probably would have said yes. His son is really sensible and only had 3 people with him.

This is what I find so annoying. Because I find it hard to believe anyone in this wouldn't tell me the truth yet it seems as though someone will not own up to it.

It was probably one of DS friends, and he either genuinely didn't know or he's covering so you don't chase the friend for replacement. I would think it was quite possible DS didn't know, it happened when he wasn't there, and whoever did it didn't mention it.

I’m dying to know what it is - do tell.
House insurance help a bit ?
No idea how to get the truth out of them though.

Tell your bloke he can leave and none of them get back in until you know what happened or when it's replaced then. I'd be placing the blame firmly at his feet tbh.

Could it have been one of the sons friends who did it without him knowing? This could be why he’s saying he doesn’t know and so is your dp.

Also... tell us what the item is!!

Your DP needs to pay for it then. He agreed for them to stay, he needs to take responsibility to pay for it. Why should you have save up again for a 3rd item?

I'm guessing induction hob?

If it were me I'd be fuming and very upset. Would probably destroy the trust with DP and his children would no longer be welcome.

At least an apology and an offer to replace it? But the trust would still be gone for me.

I'm no drama queen at all. I just believe people should own up for things. That's how my kids have been brought up, even if it was an accident.

It'll have been one of the son's friends. He's keeping quiet to protect them and your partner is keeping quiet to protect his son. Which is why you're where you are.

What about saying that all of you should cut back on your personal spending for the next six months and each put money every month towards replacing the item?

Between the two of them they can bloody well pay for it, surely. I can’t believe your OH expects your to go “oh well it’s a mystery, I’ll save up again”. He allowed his son to be there with a friend and he was there the rest of the time. He sorts it out. I’d bloody well bin him for treating something in your house that’s expensive with so little care and not giving a shit that it had got broken.

No, do not just accept it was an accident. Someone broke it and is responsible for it. Either your DP or your DSS (even if his friend did it- he was responsible) I’d be fuming. Neither of them would be welcome in my home until it had been replaced.

Can you claim on insurance? Is it possible something could have been dropped in the dark and them not notice. It's hard to picture without knowing what it is.

I agree with you OP being honest and apologising takes the sting out of it.
I'd have lost trust in my dp and his son.

Dp says as no one is saying that I need to accept it was an accident

Well, even if it was an accident, somebody caused it. That person should be grown up enough to admit to it. My money is on your partner’s son, or one of his friends. They probably hoped that nobody would notice, and kept quiet in case they were asked to replace the item.

I bet your DP suspects the same thing and is trying to take the heat off his son. Because the son and his friends were only there unsupervised because of your DP. That does not bode well for the future.

I’d be really annoyed. No respect for your house, or your feelings.

Yes it's an induction hob. It was a big one - it was a 5 burner one and it cost that much as needed to be fitted and I opted to get a nicer brand as a treat as we had an older one before and it was a nightmare

It is a huge deep crack from the left side to the top and a big dent where something clearly hit it

@SonEtLumiere

I just want someone to say 'sorry I did it'.

...and then what? Do you have form for maximizing the drama?

You hear the magic words “I did it, sorry it was an accident”. Then what? will it be hundreds of questions over days or weeks abou what exactly happened, peppered with the “Why didn’t you do X” and “How could you not know Y”, maybe the odd “Liar” accusation too? All followed by “If you had just told the truth at the start”.

Now maybe you don’t react like that, and you are just with a spineless shit, with his spineless son. In which case, why are you in a relationship with him?

Well fuck!

Can you claim on the insurance?

I would send out a general message - "Hi everyone, you may not actually realise that the XXX is cracked, but if anyone could let me know of any incidents that might have caused it I can explain to the insurance company and get it replaced. Thanks"

It is though, totally shit, and your DP needs to acknowledge that it was him / his son / his son's friends wot dunnit, and show his regret. Preferably by paying for a new one if the insurance won't.

My dad is awful for this kind of thing 🤔 my mum saw him snap my knife while slicing cheese and when I asked him about it he totally denied all knowledge. That's just one example of many.

No advice just sympathy.