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Original poster

Should I push to find the truth about who smashed it or accept it was an accident?

135 replies

SuspiciousSmasher · 14/09/2020 21:03

Name changed as quite outing and will try to be brief.

I own my house - a few months before, I had replaced something broken in the house. It had been broken for around 9 months and it took this long for me to save to get a new one (around £1k).

I had to be away from home for 3 weeks. In week one, dp allowed his son (age 21) to stay there with his friends (dp was with me). 2nd week dp went back for 2 days and a night and the same with the 3rd week.

I came back on Saturday. Didn't use said item till Sunday but when I did, I noticed there was a massive crack in it and a clear dent - it's obvious someone dropped something v heavy on it and has broken it. It's unlikely to be able to be repaired.

Everyone is claiming they know nothing about it. I don't believe for a second that you would not know you had dropped something on it but if it was someone else who did the dropping (not you), you wouldn't notice till you used it.

I just want someone to say 'sorry I did it'. Dp says as no one is saying that I need to accept it was an accident - which I'm sure it was - but there are no children involved so these are all adults and I'm really pissed off no one is man enough to admit it.

OP posts:
Original poster
SuspiciousSmasher · 14/09/2020 22:10

thanks all - you've made me feel a lot better

dp has been showing me links about how it can happen by accident if you put down hot pan lids Hmm but I've just explained how this doesn't account for the dent Hmm and the crack is too deep (the hot lids are meant to be surface cracks I think)

I'm going to ask dp and dss to contribute half. I think it's only fair. I also have to say if it was my child I would ask them to apologise. Unless it's dp and for some reason he isn't being truthful. Tbh I find it v hard to believe dss would lie to me as he's just not like that but then I find it just as worrying to think dp would.

i think best to settle by asking them both to pay half and then hopefully moving on

OP posts:
Paperthin · 14/09/2020 22:10

I wouldn’t brush this off, even if it was an accident, I would expect to be told about it, and receive an apology AND an offer to replace. Even if you could claim on insurance, accidents do happen and that is what insurance is for I suppose, but there will be an excess and they should pay the excess at very least.

Paperthin · 14/09/2020 22:13

@SuspiciousSmasher

thanks all - you've made me feel a lot better

dp has been showing me links about how it can happen by accident if you put down hot pan lids Hmm but I've just explained how this doesn't account for the dent Hmm and the crack is too deep (the hot lids are meant to be surface cracks I think)

I'm going to ask dp and dss to contribute half. I think it's only fair. I also have to say if it was my child I would ask them to apologise. Unless it's dp and for some reason he isn't being truthful. Tbh I find it v hard to believe dss would lie to me as he's just not like that but then I find it just as worrying to think dp would.

i think best to settle by asking them both to pay half and then hopefully moving on

Crossed post. From your last update OP I would say it was either you DP who broke it or he was well aware it was broken before you returned home. I am sorry but his whole attitude stinks a bit - he’s been trying to tell you how it could get broken by accident!? 😠 Not the reaction I would expect if he had any respect for your home.
Shizzlestix · 14/09/2020 22:13

Goodness, this would render me furious. It’s not a smashed ornament, it’s the ruddy hob! It’s happened while your dss was there with his mates, he should pay unless his dad fesses up.

SonjaMorgan · 14/09/2020 22:13

They don't break that easily. I don't think putting a shopping bag onto it would do that damage. It all seems strange to me.

CaptainNelson · 14/09/2020 22:17

I have an induction hob - had it for about 4 years. I often put down very heavy pans, lids, cast iron pots - never cracked. I can't even imagine how much force would be needed to do that. A bag of shopping? Only if you're buying bloody dumb bells. And also, no way you could 'not notice' this. God, if anyone in my family smashed my hob, I'd be absolutely freaking. Do not let them/DP get away with this.

CornflakeMum · 14/09/2020 22:17

Do you think it's possible one of them SAT on it and cracked it?

I only say this because I have a pet peeve about the fact that I have occasionally found my young adult DSs sitting on the kitchen worktops. If someone wasn't used to what an induction hob is, they may have sat on it thinking it was another bit of bench?

It seems unlikely that they wouldn't know if it cracked etc, but perhaps with alcohol, loud music, dimmed lights???

EnjoyingTheSilence · 14/09/2020 22:18

No way would I let this go. It cost £1k. If he can afford to just let go of that much money, he can pay for a new one

yellowsunrise · 14/09/2020 22:23

Whenever anything gets broken in this house (which is annoyingly often) I always know who did it.

DH. He always lies about it too, and tries to hide the evidence. I've actually seen him break things and he hasn't known I've seen him, and he's still denied it. Among many other lies, a glass dish went missing once. I found it, broken, stuffed in the kitchen bin. I asked if anyone knew where the dish was, to see if he owned up. DC had been out, and DH was the only person who could have possibly broken it and hidden the remains in the bin. Nope. He had absolutely no idea where it was. Drives me crackers.

Quarterback11 · 14/09/2020 22:23

Only cracked hob I saw was when a saucepan had been left on and forgotten about, it boiled over then boiled dry and the hob cracked and was ruined.

MazDazzle · 14/09/2020 22:23

I have an induction hob and I’ve very clumsy. I plonk things down on it all the time. I’ve even dropped things on it and it doesn’t even have a scratch on it. It’s like trying to break a bath or a sink. What did they do - drop an anvil on it FFS?

You shouldn’t have to pay for it. Does your DP drive? Would he have shrugged it off if they caused £1K of damage to his car?

If you’re able to claim, make sure you read the small print so you can claim successfully. Some insurance companies require you to report it within a certain time period for example.

CoronaIsWatching · 14/09/2020 22:24

I think YABU to spend £1k on a hob

lottiegarbanzo · 14/09/2020 22:25

I don't understand what your DP is trying to prove. Of course it happened by accident. No-one did it on purpose, did they!

It is still broken and still needs replacing, for which somebody has to pay.

The only person who definitely didn't do it is you. So you should not be paying. Neither should your insurance, as your premiums will go up, so you'd effectively be paying for it over the years anyway.

The lack of honesty is really troubling. Have your DP and his son thought through the consequences of that choice?

yearinyearout · 14/09/2020 22:25

I would be majorly pissed off, and I'd insist your dp replaces it since he let his DS stay there.

FrenchBoule · 14/09/2020 22:27

What @Paperthin said.
No way I’d brush it under the carpet and move on.
Easy to say “move on” if you’re not going to fork out for a new item

It’s absolutely outrageous OP, more so from your DP as he was the one “allowing” his DS and mates to stay so the responsibility is on him.

Your “D” P should be offering to replace it on his own accord,it’s a disgrace you have to ask for money to do it(only half)

Zero respect towards your home and possessions:(

Honeyroar · 14/09/2020 22:28

Your OH is going to great lengths to try and convince you it’s an accident. Almost as though he knows something. Is he usually honest and fair?

7yo7yo · 14/09/2020 22:29

@SuspiciousSmasherty I meant the son and his friends should pay the other half.
So the op isn’t out of pocket.
I bet this isn’t the first time this has happened though.
Does dp live with you op?
Does he contribute?

GabsAlot · 14/09/2020 22:34

one seems to be protesting too much-yes it can happen but why not just admit it

Inaseagull · 14/09/2020 22:34

@Elieza

I’d be asking dp for the money. His kids. He knew the risk. He pays.

If you go through insurance your premium will go up next year and if they find who did it they will pursue them to get their costs back.

I agree with this. Your DP can pay for the whole thing and he can decide whether to pursue a cut from his DS and friends.
Shopaholic100 · 14/09/2020 22:36

Could a tin have fallen from a cupboard?

Cheeseandwin5 · 14/09/2020 22:37

Just to confirm your DC were no where near the house.
Also that the accident happened during your brak

SonjaMorgan · 14/09/2020 22:42

@yellowsunrise I get very nervous about owning up to breaking stuff due to a nasty childhood and previous relationship. Does your DH seem stressed about the incidents? Seems odd to constantly lie.

ErinBrockovich · 14/09/2020 22:42

@CoronaIsWatching

I think YABU to spend £1k on a hob
There’s always one!

My money’s on the dp. How else did he ‘not notice’ and why else would he be so keen to move on?

Plus you say his son is usually trust worthy but you didn't say this about your dp!

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 14/09/2020 22:48

I would send out a general message - "Hi everyone, you may not actually realise that the XXX is cracked, but if anyone could let me know of any incidents that might have caused it I can explain to the insurance company and get it replaced. Thanks"

I presume this will also be sent to all of his DS's friends?

I'd also add "Obviously, making the claim for this will cost me a lot of money in increased premiums next year (and subsequent years), but if I can't reasonably show that it was an accident, the insurer may refuse to pay out anything at all."

An awful lot of people annoyingly belive (or pretend to believe) that insurance will completely make good your loss in full without any further financial implications - don't give them the excuse to go on believing this (or claiming that they believed this/conveniently telling themselves this to assuage any guilty feelings). Even if you have no-claims protection, you've still had to pay for that, and it effectively 'undoes' some of the effect of the claim after the event rather than making it 'didn't happen'.

It sounds like somebody dropped a heavy pan on it (accidentally and/or carelessly and not maliciously, I'm sure), so they might not have known for a fact that it was damaged, but they would have certainly known that the loud thump from the pan could well have caused damage, so would have been negligent in deliberately avoiding looking to check. Nobody would ever get away with reversing at 20mph into a parked car, ignoring the banging sound and obvious collison and driving off without stopping to look - and then, when later challenged, claiming that they didn't see the wrecked, bashed-in bumper on the car they hit and thus had no idea they might have damaged it.

Greyblueeyes · 14/09/2020 22:48

Yep. DH and I have agreed. Your partner knows what happened. The showing you links about how it could be broken by accident says it all to us.

I'm sorry, OP. I would be livid. I would be upset about the damage, but if someone owned up to it and helped replace it, ok. Accidents happen. It's the blatant disrespect from your DP that I would have trouble with. That would hurt.

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