Should I push to find the truth about who smashed it or accept it was an accident?

[SuspiciousSmasher]

Name changed as quite outing and will try to be brief.

I own my house - a few months before, I had replaced something broken in the house. It had been broken for around 9 months and it took this long for me to save to get a new one (around £1k).

I had to be away from home for 3 weeks. In week one, dp allowed his son (age 21) to stay there with his friends (dp was with me). 2nd week dp went back for 2 days and a night and the same with the 3rd week.

I came back on Saturday. Didn't use said item till Sunday but when I did, I noticed there was a massive crack in it and a clear dent - it's obvious someone dropped something v heavy on it and has broken it. It's unlikely to be able to be repaired.

Everyone is claiming they know nothing about it. I don't believe for a second that you would not know you had dropped something on it but if it was someone else who did the dropping (not you), you wouldn't notice till you used it.

I just want someone to say 'sorry I did it'. Dp says as no one is saying that I need to accept it was an accident - which I'm sure it was - but there are no children involved so these are all adults and I'm really pissed off no one is man enough to admit it.

I broke my parents one, put a pan down funny and it cracked down the side and made a huge noise.
It was sorted under the accidental damage prt of their warranty fortunately, else I would have paid.
No way a big crack could happen without a big noise.

Your insurance company is going to want at least some explanation of how this happened. Point out to your family that if they can't come up with a full account so that you can claim, they will have no option but to pay themselves.

And this why we end up with loads threads about shitty men and how useless they are or about how bad their behaviours are....

Why?

Because noone golds them accountable.or responsible...just raising them up like this.

Good for you OP for sticking with your principles and values and not just brushing it off.

Its not okay to lie or hide who broke it. Why is that even acceptable behaviour? Own up if you make a mistake and take responsibility. Thats what all children should be learning even young adults.

Accidents happen and its annoying to then have to pay to fix stuff but you know thats a lesson learned in life. What are his children learning, if you or your friend accidentally breaks something then pretend you don't know cos it might affect your pocket. Wow some life lesson being taught their. What next accidentally knock someone wing mirror whilst driving but keep going dont stop and own up...

Urgh I despair why some parents raise children with no morals, values or principles.

@CaptainNelson

I have an induction hob - had it for about 4 years. I often put down very heavy pans, lids, cast iron pots - never cracked. I can't even imagine how much force would be needed to do that. A bag of shopping? Only if you're buying bloody dumb bells. And also, no way you could 'not notice' this. God, if anyone in my family smashed my hob, I'd be absolutely freaking. Do not let them/DP get away with this.

I’m with you! I’ve had my Miele induction hob for around 9 years now. If someone broke it I would go absolutely mad!! I have just about come to terms with the children being reckless with the washing machine and dryer but my god if anyone ever damaged my hob or oven there would be trouble.

[quote SonjaMorgan]@yellowsunrise I get very nervous about owning up to breaking stuff due to a nasty childhood and previous relationship. Does your DH seem stressed about the incidents? Seems odd to constantly lie.[/quote]
I'm sorry you suffered in the past.

No, it's nothing like that, he just won't own up. He isn't stressed at all, and is plausibly evasive. He point blank denies all knowledge. On the rare occasion I have been able to catch him out, he views breakages as collateral damage and unimportant.

The worst was when I found my late mother's cut crystal vase with a crack in it. It had been one of her most precious possessions and I inherited it. I'd put it up safe on a top shelf of a unit in the lounge and as far as I knew it had been there untouched for several years. When I got it down, there was a piece chipped off the edge and it had been turned so the chip was at the back. Then I remembered that about 6 months previously he'd decided to be helpful and do some dusting round the ceilings to get cobwebs down. I reckon he did it then, waving the attachment of the vacuum cleaner around. I didn't even bother asking, because I was so upset and couldn't face him lying to me.

Any shelves right above it at all?, best to try to find out else theres a danger it'll happen again and then more greif.

Deffo a dent in it then not perhaps a fault in the glass like some car windscreens and glass doors have shattered for no apparent reasons?.

Any chance of a picture perhaps of the dented bit?. Justa is rather curious!

I understand you're upset but you cannot send that message to the step son's friends. Ask the step son and your partner to pay for the new hob. Start start out asking them to pay half! then they'll negotiate down, they'll pay a quarter, between them, perhaps. Start off asking for all of the expense.

:24CoronaIsWatching
I think YABU to spend £1k on a hob

Yes, OP, live in a tent with a camping stove from now on. Ffs

Yep make your partner pay. Up to him if he pursues it with his son and his mates.

If any of them had fessed up, I probably would have claimed on insurance but I think they've lost that privilege through their dishonesty

Says a lot about your DP's ethics, doesn't it? And his son's as well, but I'd be most concerned about DP's. I'd want a partner whom I could depend on to always tell me the truth, especially when it was something that affected me personally.

What else might he lie about or be willing to cover up? Trust is very important in any relationship.

On the rare occasion I have been able to catch him out, he views breakages as collateral damage and unimportant.

I think you're giving him too much credit there. Surely if he viewed it as unimportant, he wouldn't lie about it when asked. We're particularly skilled in our house at breaking pint glasses - the generic purely functional sort you get from Wilkos for 50p, less when you buy 6. We might remark on it if we remember, or if one of us is doing the washing up and notices that one is missing, the other will say "Oh, yes - it fell off the side earlier" and that's it: boring mystery solved - once it's happened several times, it's off to Wilkos for another half-dozen.

If he genuinely saw it as unimportant, he would surely just nonchalantly reply "Oh, yeah, that broke this morning" and not bother trying to hide it.

This week the teapot lid fell off the counter and smashed ...it was a Wedgwood teapot gifted a decade ago by my mum. I called her to tell her and even apologised even though it qas a gift.

I even admonished myself cos wedgewood isn't cheap to replace

Your DPs behaviour reeks of guilt. I’d put money in him being responsible for the damage.

on him!

Maybe it's an overreaction, but I'd be furious with your partner. I don't care who did it, it boils down to being his fault. Either he broke it or his son broke it (and he didn't raise him to tell the truth!) or his son's friends broke it, which wouldn't have happened if your partner didn't just assume that your son could stay in your absence and invite people over. It's your partner's fault, which may be why he's trying to downplay it.

I'd say your partner needs to pay to have it replaced. Whoever did it, it ties back to your partner. Surely he should feel awful about it and want to put things right for you. He doesn't think it just spontaneously broke on its own, does he?

And again, maybe an overreaction, but I wouldn't be inclined to have your partner's son in the house while you're away again-- certainly wouldn't be okay with him inviting friends around while you're out of the house.

Your DP seems so keen to show you how it could have been an accident. He either did it, or knows who did. He should pay. His child his responsibility.

Your DP's behaviour is very, very strange!

If the situation was reversed and something was broken in your DP's house, and you knew it wasn't you. You'd apologise, blame your kid and offer to replace. I'm sure you certainly would not be looking at all different kinds of excuses of how it could have been innocently broken.

Sadly I have a thing about liars and he'd be out of my life. Yup May seem trifling to some, but can not abide liars.

I’d just expect my partner to pay. He can work it out with his son who is not welcome to stay at the moment. Not my job to collect half here and half there.

@Greyblueeyes
Yep. DH and I have agreed. Your partner knows what happened. The showing you links about how it could be broken by accident says it all to us.

I was going to say the same thing. He’s trying waaaay too hard to exonerate the guilty party @SuspiciousSmasher.

It's just so disrespectful and shabby not to own up and apologise.

That would piss me off more than anything.

And no way would anyone be staying in my home in future without me being there.

I'd have a face like a smacked arse about this I can tell you!

It's not even about fault, it's about responsibility. It broke in their care so they are responsible whether it was a genuine accident or rank stupidity. As your DP took the liberty of loaning out your house to his son the decent thing for him to do is sort it out for you one way or another. Does he take the piss out of you in other ways too? I'd be really surprised if he doesn't as his actions in this matter are not those of a reasonable person who respects you and your property.

Are you totally sure it’s not a manufacturing or installation fault that’s stressed the glass/ceramic top and caused it to crack?

I wonder if someone has sat on it. Believe me I have seen someone do that years ago when I was at a party. I couldn’t believe it.

It was either that or they have banged a pan down very hard. I have an induction hob on my stove and it would be pretty hard to break I would think but slamming a pan down would do it. Hammer?
I would be livid and refuse to cook them any meals until I found out who. They could not have done it without knowing. It would have made an almighty cracking noise.
Good luck in finding out the culprit and I would tell DP that his son is never allowed to stay again when you are not there. He will know. I bet it was one of his mates.

DP has too many excuses and is either minimising his kid's behaviour or his own. Either way he needs to be accountable for that and man up.

Your DP did it and doesnt want to pony up for the replacement.