Just been contacted by friend abroad in dire straits

[WhatdoIdo2020]

Have name changed.

Several years ago I went on a tour of a country I've always wanted to visit. A very beautiful yet poor country with amazing wildlife. I had an amazing time and the guide was very friendly and knowledgeable. We stayed friends on Facebook and have spoken a few times since then.

Anyway he's just contacted me on Messenger and said that all the tours have been cancelled because of Covid and he's starving. He had a child who he'd saved up for to study abroad and the child recently died in an accident over there and now he's got no money and wasn't able to bring him home for the funeral.

I'm not sure what to do. Just giving? There's another one of the people on the tour who I'm still friends with on FB so I might ask if she's heard from him too.

I feel awful 😥

I received an email like that a couple of years ago.
it was from my brother in forrin saying he had been in an accident and the hospital needed paying.

1. my brother always always takes comprehensive travel insurance, so the scenario was unlikely
2. he was sitting next to me when I got the email

he was scheduled to attend a conference abroad at that time (not where he was supposed to be in hospital) but couldn't go due to illness.

Why would I think that? They know me well, they like me. If they are desperate, why wouldn't they ask for help? Wouldn't you? I don't think you quite grasp the situation.
How very patronising. I think people on here DO grasp that there are countries where no benefits are available, thanks all the same.

The language and the manner of communication screams scam, to me and to many others on here. I don't disagree that someone the OP knows in this way might ask for help, but I really find it hard to believe that he'd ask in this manner.

Yeahnahmum, no she isn't . She's contacted his employer.

I work in a small company (25 people ) and our work email got hacked.

I got a very convincing looking email from a work colleague ( to my work email ) asking me to pay an invoice and attaching details. The only way I knew it was a scam was because the email used very formal English which isn’t her style.

Eg it said “ Dear Virginia, Please find attached invoice no. 12234 from Smith and Sons which is now overdue by 21 days and requires immediate payment “. Yours sincerely, Mrs Matilda Morrison.

Whereas Actual colleague would have written “ Hi Ginny , can you check what’s happening with invoice 12234 ? It’s showing a code 2 . Thanks, Tilly “

Of course I emailed back asking lots of questions which the scammer answered most convincingly. They only gave up when they asked for the receipts for the payments and I directed them to part of our accounts system. That way I was able to check that they hadn’t hacked into that too.

I have no idea why anyone would target such a small business but it was totally convincing apart from the writing style, which you wouldn’t spot in a larger company where you don’t know people in other departments.

So there’s no way I could be sure that an email from someone I met once several years ago is genuine.

The thing is: I assume the OP knows the name of the friend. Usually, when money is sent to people in these countries, it is sent by Western Union. It is collected at a WU outlet, by the recipient, who has to show ID. He then gets the money in cash.

Where is the scam in that -- unless you are sending it to some random unknown whom you've never met in person; and nobody here is advising anyone to do that.

If you actually know the person who you want to help, and you send money to them directly, it is not a scam. Because they are getting the money as clearly as if you were putting it in their hands.

Whereas if you send to an anonymous organisation, it just goes into a big pot and perhaps it's going to a rich CEO.

I know the names of the people I have helped. I send them money which they get in cash, after presenting ID.

Actualy this idea that people would “rather be scammed than see someone genuine in need” pisses me off and does far more harm than good.

Because every time some gullible idiot pays money to one of these despicable scammers, they have an incentive to carry on. And next time it won’t be you who can afford it, it’ll be your granny, or someone else’s who can’t afford it but who feels pity for these people and gives what they can’t afford to because they take the view that someone who asks for money like this must be really having a hard time.

So those who give to scammers and fall for this shite are in fact fuelling the scams.

And inn the meantime the money you’re giving them goes towards drug dealing, human trafficking, far more harm to people than this one person spinning you a sob story.

Would you tell your grandad that it was absolutely fine to give to these people? Or your elderly parents? What about your teenage child who is still young and naive?

www.thebalance.com/western-union-scams-315825

Many of these scams originate outside of the United States. Some countries do not have the identification standards the U.S. has. Fake IDs might be easier to come by and be less recognizable in other nations, making it easier to create scams via Western Union in countries where ID is standardized.

Recipients in other countries sometimes just need a few details about the transaction—perhaps a transaction ID, known as the MTCN, or their name, to walk away with your cash.

www.kisbridgingloans.co.uk/guide-to-fraud-prevention/how-do-scammers-use-western-union-to-commit-wire-transfer-fraud/

This scam occurs when the criminal has managed to hack into a family member or friend’s email or social media account. The scammer will send out messages to all their contacts saying they’re in trouble and urgently need money. They will also send you account details in order to carry out a wire transfer.

So those who give to scammers and fall for this shite are in fact fuelling the scams.

This with bells on.

But there is a scary number of stupid people who just want the warm, fluffy feeling of being a good person and choose not to see the bigger picture.

How very patronising... I think people on here DO grasp that there are countries where no benefits are available, thanks all the same.

It's patronising to think, I would say, that those who do give are just silly fools who are being hoodwinked. That everyone from a poor country is out to put their hands in your pocket. It's not like that at all.

From the start of this thread there has been a knee-jerk reaction to the OP: scam, scam, scam! Instead of equiring further into the friendship.
It makes me think that some posters have not actually been to a developing country, never made friends, never established a genuine relationship with someone there... never felt humbled by the stoic way in which many of them manage with so little, while we spend money on nonsense. It changes you completely, and it's a good change.

*Actualy this idea that people would “rather be scammed than see someone genuine in need” pisses me off and does far more harm than good."

I agree and I actually think those people should be ashamed of themselves, happily taking the chance on perpetuating a cycle of crime so that they can feel good about their own generosity.

Instead of equiring further into the friendship.

There is NO FRIENDSHIP. It's a casual acquaintance scenario.

Well, even if it was genuine, and IMO it 100% isn’t, if an employee of a company I owned used there position within the company to contact previous clients to beg for money I would fire them.

If you work for anyone you don’t use your knowledge of the clients you were responsible for to behave in such a despicable manner.

And plenty of people have lived and worked and have knowledge of 3rd world countries, and warnings about these scams are all over the place.

Instead of equiring further into the friendship.

The OP has been clear from the start that this is someone she barely knows. That's why people said scam. If this was someone she knew well it would be relatively simple to sort out. She could just ring him and ask.

Recipients in other countries sometimes just need a few details about the transaction—perhaps a transaction ID, known as the MTCN, or their name, to walk away with your cash.

Except that if you know the person, if you have actual contact, they do thank you afterwards, you know.

Look, I am not some naive tourist who is trying to feel good about herself. I have actually worked with a genuine charity in India since the late 80's. I know the country, the people; and I would know if I am being scammed or not. I also know lots of Westerners who help. We are not idiots; we can tell the difference. There is such a thing as experience.

This might not be the case with the OP, granted. But to deny a genuine person financial assistance just because they live in a non-Western country and "there are a lot of scammers about" -- well, that is sad. There are ways of knowing.

It's patronising to think, I would say, that those who do give are just silly fools who are being hoodwinked. That everyone from a poor country is out to put their hands in your pocket

No one has said everyone from a poor country is out to put their hands in your pocket, and anyone on here who has suggested giving without checking the source properly IS being hoodwinked.

It's not 'a knee-jerk reaction' to think that, going by the frequency of prior communication and the nature and tone of this communication, this is probably a scam.

'It makes me think that some posters have not actually been to a developing country, never made friends, never established a genuine relationship with someone there' Well, I have and I'd guess I'm not the only one on this thread. It is more egregious and more patronising IMO to insist with fingers in ears that it couldn't POSSIBLY be a scam because 'many of them' (condescending phrasing BTW) 'manage with so little'. Scams happen. There are shitehawks in developing countries just as there are in more developed countries. To suggest there aren't is naive and, yes, patronising (a kind of exoticisation).

Your attitude is very superior, especially in 'It changes you completely, and it's a good change.'

Total scam.

@caughtalightsneeze

Instead of equiring further into the friendship.

The OP has been clear from the start that this is someone she barely knows. That's why people said scam. If this was someone she knew well it would be relatively simple to sort out. She could just ring him and ask.

On the contrary, it is she who used the term "friend".

But to deny a genuine person financial assistance just because they live in a non-Western country and "there are a lot of scammers about" -- well, that is sad. There are ways of knowing.

Which the OP is investigating.

^ very good. So it should be.

Read the thread, @Malahaha. It's someone who guided her on a tour. Several years ago. Then added her on social media. Couple of messages since then. She admits in a later post that she really should have said "casual acquaintance".

If you class someone who was paid to look after you several years ago and who you haven't spoken to since as a "friend", then your definition is very different from the rest of us.

Check the death notices for Mauritius

No 19 year olds on there at that date

If you work for anyone you don’t use your knowledge of the clients you were responsible for to behave in such a despicable manner.

I think that's very blinkered. If your income was dependent on tourism in an impoverished country with no social welfare net, and tourism is wiped out at one fell swoop, you may have to choose between 'despicably' asking anyone you have contact details for for money or nobly starving.

OP, I am not suggesting for a second that you should send money to this man that's your judgement in the end, as well as your financial capacity but, while it is of course entirely possible this is a scam, it is also perfectly possible it is not. I'm in a European country and volunteering in a city soup kitchen, which is experiencing far greater demand than before Covid, and homelessness is also up significantly.

OP you say in your second post that he is educated with good English. Without seeming rude, the grammar in the screenshot messages suggest otherwise.

On the contrary, it is she who used the term "friend".

She did use the word friend but in her very first post she explained the circumstances of this 'friendship' and it was clear that it wasn't what most people would consider to be a close friend. Or, frankly, a friend of any sort.

I would say total scam - please send him nothing.

If you are moved by the plight of his country donate to a bona fide source.

WINHBB, agreed. I don't doubt the real man's level of English and education but I do very much doubt these messages are from him.