Answer the question above you. Wrong answers only. PART 2

[bearlyactive]

To answer the most recent question...

What to do to stop procrastinating?

Take a nap. Keep procrastinating until it gets boring.

And my next question is...

How long will it take for this thread to fill up?

Because we need to get ready for santa.

Who is going to help me clean my house tomorrow?

The little birds and mice that are your only friends.

What to eat when you go to the beach for the day?

Twigs and berries

How many biscuits is too many?

Four, unless they are mine.
Does DD need a hearing test or is she just being 6?

She is just practising for when she is a teenager and has that Yeah ok mum thing going on

Where should I go shopping for food to day ?

Harrods ,What does my dog dream about?

The nearest blood bank

Why does autumn smell different to the other seasons?

It uses a different brand of deodorant.

Why does my cat keep staring out of the window?

It's wondering whether he should take his umbrella when he goes out later.

Do you think it will snow this winter?

Only if it rains this autumn.

Which should I eat first cheese cake or carrot cake>

Don't even think about it.
Just put them in a container & bring them round to my house. Leave by the door, ring the door bell & step back.
Then once you've seen me take the cakes in you may leave.

Why does the Cat only ask demand me for food, to be let out, to play ball with, to go for a walk etc when there are 2 other humans in the house she could ask?

(N.B. My Cat thinks she's a dog)

Because you are Chief Slave. All worship the cat god.

When should I start re-taming my rather feral child in anticipation of school restarting on Thursday?

Friday morning ,why do I get a tickly throat and an issue instant urge to cough every time I step inside a supermarket?

Because you are a Mystery Covid Roolz Enforcer employed by the Government to inspect supermarkets risk management strategies in action.
After your inspection the said supermarket will be given a rating of Outstanding, Good, Needs Improvement or in Special Measures.
What the ratings are for, well no one really knows.

Why is doing a online food shopping order so boring?

Because the website is set out in a way in order to sap every tiny piece of motivation out of you.

Why is the weather so vile over here?

Because you live in the Slough of Despond

Where's that funny smell coming from?

The previous tennant's/owner's ex wife took revenge by sewing a rancid prawn into the hem of the curtains.

Why is Saturday night tv so dire??

Because they know no one is watching it, they're all sozzled and won't remember any of it.

How can I make DH stop being a mardy arse?

By making his dress up in a pink tutu and skip down the street singing I'm a sparkly unicorn.

Why has the world gone mad?

It forgot to take its meds.

Why does my laptop screen keep deciding not to switch on?

It wants to sleep some more

What should I pack for my centre Parcs break tomorrow?

A tin of tuna, ski poles, a toothbrush with no bristles and nit repellant.

Where is my daughter's little sylvanian teddy bear?

The pixies have it.

Why do young children turn into octopi when they get into your bed at night? And where do they hide the other limbs the rest of the time?

Night-time draws out the octopus in everybody. During the day, the extra limbs reside in their bedroom, which is why they are so reluctant to tidy it.

Why am I watching Only Fools and Horses for the eleventy bloody billionth time, when I don't even like it?

Because it's the law that you have to watch TV shows you don't like on the eve of a Bank Holiday ,when will the Pizza man deliver we are all hungry ?