What did one person say to you that changed your outlook on life?

[bearlyactive]

I suppose I should go first...

They told me, after something bad happened to one of my relatives, that "the hole in your heart will never heal, but you'll learn to build yourself around it". I had been feeling hopeless up until that point, but it helped me change my viewpoint.

Anyone else?

As quoted by Gary Younge, journalist, from his mother
Life is too short to waste time on people you don't care about, but long enough to make a difference if you want to.

I think a lot of the time with the things others say to you, you have to be ready to hear them. They're the missing piece in a murky jigsaw that is already coming together in your mind, and then you just suddenly connect with that nugget of wisdom from someone else, and the picture is very clear to you.

Other times you could hear equally valuable advice but it just bounces off you because you're not ready to hear it.

Only trust the face that stares you back in the mirror

love all these!

'Some days are diamond, others are stone' said to me by a much older colleague when I was young. It made me accept the ups and downs of life more. Thank you, Sheila.

'Your eyes are full of hate, Forty-One. That's good. Hate keeps a man alive. It gives him strength.' (Ben-Hur).

There's lots of sayings about the futility of hate and the danger of revenge, and they're probably right, but I've frequently been galvanized by my hatred of certain people and organizations. I think it has its place.

But also Bunyan: 'Some also have wished that the next way to their Father’s house were here, that they might be troubled no more with either hills or mountains to go over, but the Way is the Way, and there is an end.'

That's a really good one about not being able to afford something if you have to wait until payday. I shall have to think on that 😂

A friend at work told me people like and are drawn to happy, positive people and since then I’ve tried hard to look at positives and how lucky I am (not to focus on the negative past!)

Leonard Cohen:

There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in

That bloke talked a lot of sense.

I also remember calling Samaritans in a time of crisis when I was 16 and sobbing on the phone to a lovely bloke. He said your life is like a piece of string and at the moment it's in a loop. Soon you will come back around and find yourself back to where you should be.
I wish he knew that 25 years later I still thing of his kind words.

'It won't always hurt like this. It will always hurt. But not like this.'

It was actually super helpful to have someone acknowledge that actually time doesn't heal everything. It will always hurt, and that's OK. But it will become manageable.

Another one:

Shit stirring Colleague A asked Colleague B (older, quite aloof, firm but fair, but don't get on her wrong side type) if she wanted to know what Colleague C (gobby know it all who actually knew very little) really thought about her.

Colleagues B reply which I still remember word for word now:

'Oh my darling, why would I give the smallest of fucks what C thinks of me? I don't think of her at all.'

She literally changed my life. I'd spent so long being so insecure. Making sure I had the trendy clothes, the perfect make up, the right labels etc. She just didn't give a fuck and I was in awe.

I think I read this somewhere on here, and find it very helpful -

'Before you say something, think.
Is it right, is it helpful, is it kind?
Otherwise say nothing.'

Thoughts aren’t facts. Made me focus on facts and deal with only those.

By changing nothing, nothing changes. When I know something needs to change, but I’m not quite ready for it, I say this to myself.

@ByGrabtharsHammerWhatASavings

I used to be very anti woman when I was younger. Very "I don't really get on with other other women, most of my friends are men, I'm not like other girls etc etc", you know the type. And then when I was about 21/22 I met a woman who was so unapologetically passionately pro woman, and it just changed everything for me. She would talk a lot about how much she loved women, how she loved having mostly female friends, how clever and interesting and funny she thought women were. Sounds tragic but I don't think I'd ever heard someone praising women as a group like that before, just a lot of language from women apologising for being female or distancing themselves from other women as a way of gaining status with men. It really shook me up into a new way of thinking. She and I became inseparable best friends for the next few years and then sadly life took us to different sides of the world and we lost touch. But she had a really profound affect on me, I'll always think of her as a kind of soul mate. I think if we ran into each other again tomorrow it would be as if we'd never been apart.

This resonates with me a bit. Hanging out on in Mumsnet when it first started up changed me to pro women, and that impacted my life. Funny really coz many people on MN are jus5 mean! Haha. Jokes.

Choose to be extraordinary. Choose to be happy.

Live normally

Sounds simple, but it really helps me when mental health is suffering. I'll be gently reminded that people do not usually worry to the extent I do/over plan etc... it helps me get some balance!

You have right to be safe in your own home regardless of is the perpetrator

Said to me by a support group worker who dealt with violent teens after a particularly bad weekend with my teenaged son at the time

I've never forgot it and it made me a lot stronger

Mine is one I’ve got printed out and framed, Eleanor Roosevelt I think:

Women are like tea bags.
You never know the strength until they are in hot water.

Love it and helps me all the time

"if you always do what you always did
You will always get what you always got"

Meaning if you keep on doing the same old things, you're only going to be in the same old situation - nothing will change.
It was a lightbulb moment for me....said to me by a very good friend at the time, she was so helpful but we lost touch over the years. I still miss her....

100% of the balls you don’t kick, don’t go in the net.

"The mind is like the eye it doesn't see well in the dark"
I always try to remember this when I'm lying in bed worrying about things.

"You will go far!"

My boss when I asked her extra work opportunities in the holidays as a teen.

It's a simple statement, but to me, it meant everything. I started crying for hours after she said that.

I had v v low esteem, combined with a critical mother.

Changed my life. I started to be slowly believe in myself.

'I'd not now, when?'

When my 8 year old son with ADHD was visiting specialist and I had just had a dreadful two weeks where he cut my new cost, cut his bedsheets and his sister's hair, I told specialist and he was quiet. Eventually I asked what he thought. He replied the person before you complained to me her 11 year old son kept cutting himself. That put everything in perspective for me.

At parents evening my Dad asked my Physics teacher how I was doing at O level. My sexist old Physics teacher told my Dad I was a lovely girl but I did not have a snowballs chance in hell of passing Physics. I was furious. Two boys in my class overheard and were laughing at me. From that moment I decided I would pass if it killed me. I was poor at Physics but I worked my socks off and passed with a C. On results day I rushed to tell the Physics teacher only to be told 'You passed, it must have been a very easy paper this year'. I got the last laugh though as the two boys who had laughed at me both failed with s D.