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Original poster

What did one person say to you that changed your outlook on life?

288 replies

bearlyactive · 25/08/2020 11:10

I suppose I should go first...

They told me, after something bad happened to one of my relatives, that "the hole in your heart will never heal, but you'll learn to build yourself around it". I had been feeling hopeless up until that point, but it helped me change my viewpoint.

Anyone else?

OP posts:
LondonJax · 26/08/2020 10:54

I had an appraisal once with a manager who asked what my ambitions were. I said I'd like to get to supervisor level one day. He said 'in all fairness, you're not assertive enough. I think you'll have to re-think that. Some people are just not supervisor material and certainly not management material'.

So I did re-think....I decided to leave the company, did a management degree with the OU, looked at my assertiveness skills. Four years later I was managing a small team. Three years after that I was in a different job working in communications - assertiveness is the key there.

Now, after having my DS, I work part time but also run my own small business.

So, whilst his words really hurt at the time, I took them, changed them and moved on.

I met him a couple of years after I became a manager. He asked what I was doing...and I had the greatest pleasure in telling him I'd achieved what he always thought I couldn't. In fairness to him he did have the good grace to congratulate me and wish me well.

So the thing I've taken and am teaching DS is someone's assessment of you is just what they see. You have to show what you know, you have to make them see what you have inside. And if they don't, shrug it off and find people who do see you for what you really are.

rosiethehen · 26/08/2020 10:58

I'm not religious, but I love the Serenity Prayer:

'God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.'

I find it brings me a lot of comfort and peace and stops me fighting the universe at times. I have stopped trying to control everything out of fear.

Amicompletelyinsane · 26/08/2020 11:05

I had a really tough time as a child esp in college. My family life was hell. My Lecturer saw that I was just trying to find a way out of my situation. His one sentence that stayed with me was 'don't settle for mediocre'. As a teen he was the first person who made me feel like I was worth more than I felt. I'd love to see him to let him know he had that affect on me. I did use the route that made me escape my situation but I followed his advice and really made myself be the best I could even if I didn't follow the uni path I was going to originally

BlossomCat · 26/08/2020 11:06

Earlier this year, I was struggling with lockdown and being furloughed, with no work to do, and hating it, whilst everyone around me seemed to be working harder than ever in healthcare and other frontline positions. I felt really guilty for not doing 'my bit'.
I read a post somewhere on social media that 'we are all in the same storm, but in different vessels.'
It made me change my thinking and relieved me of the guilt.
I've been voluntary work from home, telephone befriending older people who are in forced isolation, and it made me realise that that was enough.
I was also feeling guilty about receiving furlough pay whilst not working for it, and I mentioned it to a colleague, and they replied that they didn't feel bad, they'd played taxes all their life, and they thought of it as Rishi Sunak paying them to have the summer off.
That one sounds really selfish, but it changed my mindset and helped me appreciate the enforced time off.
I'll still sprint back into work the nanosecond that I'm able to though!

OrangeBlossomsinthesun · 26/08/2020 11:13

Not a person I know, but the idea of being present in the moment. I am reading Eckhart Tolle and he says:

"Now is all there ever is; there is no past or future except as memory or anticipation in your mind."

OrangeBlossomsinthesun · 26/08/2020 11:16

And this

What did one person say to you that changed your outlook on life?
BikeRunSki · 26/08/2020 11:17

When DS (my first) was born, we struggled to bf, despite lots and lots of support. He lost a lot (23%) of weight and was ff from a week old. I was pretty upset about this, until our NCT leader said to me “there are many ways to nurture a child, how you feed them as an infant is just one of them”. Made me feel so much better, all the guilt was gone and I started to enjoy my baby.

My aunt, when I commented about how nice her crockery was “it’s our best wedding china, we use it every day, why would use use your nicest stuff the least?! Use it! Enjoy it!! It cost enough!”. We got our wedding china out that night!! I’ve also started spending more on the clothes I wear everyday, and less on special occassion one offs.

Teal99 · 26/08/2020 11:27

Great thread.

WhatamessIgotinto · 26/08/2020 11:36

That someone can only make me feel shit about myself if I let them.

OrangeBlossomsinthesun · 26/08/2020 11:37

That someone can only make me feel shit about myself if I let them Yes, very true.

mrsk247syd · 26/08/2020 11:43

One of my favourite quotes is:

If someone asked you to name all the things you loved. How long would it take you to name yourself?

BillywigSting · 26/08/2020 11:44

If you wouldn't say/do it to someone you love, don't say/do it to yourself.

So I would never tell my friends that their excess fat makes them ugly and gross, because it doesn't (but would think this about myself).

I also wouldn't let my ds not brush his teeth or wear tatty clothes or generally not be clean and cared for. I wouldn't treat myself with the same care.

Since hearing that it's totally changed how I behave towards myself and I think yes, I will go to bed a bit earlier because I deserve to have enough sleep, I won't eat that extra biscuit because that's not actually being kind to myself, it's only going to make me more uncomfortable in the long run etc.

Utterly life changing.

The other one is 'no one is born evil'. So even the most despicable people on the planet could maybe have been good if their life was different.

Jayaywhynot · 26/08/2020 12:14

"You can't change how other people act but you can change how you react".
Someone said this to me when I was upset that a person in my life continually let me down or disappointed me.
It's so true and I now quote it to others

ifoundafoxcaughtbydogs · 26/08/2020 12:17

"Judge the intention, not the action."

Most of the time when people do things that annoy you, they do it from good intentions. It stopped me being cross with people most of the time.

Pantheon · 26/08/2020 12:26

'Care what others think of you, and you will be their prisoner.'

Yellowcar2 · 26/08/2020 12:27

This was 1 friend to another whilst I was there and I now absolutely love this saying. If you know an arsehole you know an arsehole, if you know a lot of arseholes maybe you're the arsehole!

minipie · 26/08/2020 12:28

I read on MN once “if you could have, you would have”.

Has saved me from beating myself up about how I should have achieved more at work, done more activities with the kids, planted my garden etc. There were reasons at the time (mainly lack of sleep!) I couldn’t do more.

trevorandsimon · 26/08/2020 12:31

Feelings aren't facts

Ylfa · 26/08/2020 12:35

“I think you should keep going just to see what happens” - unsolicited from a complete random on insta. What’s happening so far is much fun AND I’ve sold an image which is going on to a book cover (albeit the back 😀) and someone’s just commissioned a portrait!

Pelleas · 26/08/2020 12:36

It was something I heard someone say and depends a lot on intonation but I will try to convey it - apologies as it might sound like nonsense!

Person 1 - talking about their unhappy marriage: 'How can I possibly leave my husband?' (i.e. 'I can't leave my husband')
Person 2 - 'Well - how can you possibly leave your husband?' (i.e. let's look at ways you could leave your husband).

I often use that if I find myself thinking rhetorically 'how can I ever do such and such?' - turn it round to, actually, how can I do it?

Ylfa · 26/08/2020 12:36

My inner voice delivers great chat too - you are enough, you do enough, you know enough, you have enough etc

middleager · 26/08/2020 12:37

My dad gave me a piece of advice that I still haven't mastered.

He told me that sone people are always waiting for the next stage in their lives, so...if I can just pay that off, or when the kids finish school, or if I wait until xxx we'll be better off etc. but that end point never comes - you have to embrace the here and now. I guess it's my clumsy way of explaining the old "life is what happens when you're busy making other plans" quote.

I am always thinking if I can just hang on in my job, if I can wait until the kids finish school...but life is constant and there will always be something that requires attention/cash. I sometimes feel I'm wishing my life away rather than enjoying the here and now.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 26/08/2020 12:38

Don't be bitter darling, it shows on your face.

Oh dear god I must be an absolute knob 😱

middleager · 26/08/2020 12:39

And the MN classic, of course:

"Comparison is the thief of joy."

middleager · 26/08/2020 12:41

@OrangeBlossomsinthesun

Not a person I know, but the idea of being present in the moment. I am reading Eckhart Tolle and he says:

"Now is all there ever is; there is no past or future except as memory or anticipation in your mind."

Thanks - this is what I had been wanting to articulate.