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Original poster

What did one person say to you that changed your outlook on life?

288 replies

bearlyactive · 25/08/2020 11:10

I suppose I should go first...

They told me, after something bad happened to one of my relatives, that "the hole in your heart will never heal, but you'll learn to build yourself around it". I had been feeling hopeless up until that point, but it helped me change my viewpoint.

Anyone else?

OP posts:
LadyLairdArgyll · 27/08/2020 08:58

love this thread

Coldwinterahead1 · 27/08/2020 09:00

Don’t go after an oil paining, there’s always someone else who will want it hanging their wall.

Settleandcalm · 27/08/2020 09:01

My boss actually, I’d been horrifically raped and she told me a Churchill quote “when you are walking through hell, keep walking”.

A simple thing but has led me to the bright side of many dark places one foot in front of another.

I love her.

ImaWomAnnotaWomEn · 27/08/2020 09:05

Happy for you MaveyWavey.

SandysMam · 27/08/2020 09:06

This is a great thread! I am having a really tough time at the moment and some of these are helping massively!

greysome · 27/08/2020 09:18

The serenity prayer for sure, it's great for letting go of things you can't change or control.

I work in CBT and have picked up so many things that I use with service users that over time have had a huge positive effect on my life and have helped me living with discomfort or anxiety around a situation.

I think the realisation that to some extent there will always be something 'going wrong', something in your life that you want to pass and a lot of the time these things are out of your control. When I was younger I would become consumed by these things and fixate that everything would be great once X was sorted. The realisation that there will always be some X or other and that instead I need to focus on enjoying life and finding fulfilment DESPITE of X. Not a huge fan of the quote but the message is bang on for me "Life isn't about avoiding the storm, it's about learning how to dance in the rain".

Hoppinggreen · 27/08/2020 09:24

DHs Grandma was German, her village had been occupied by the Russians after WW2 and then she had made a very difficult solo journey pregnant and unmarried to rural Yorkshire to be with his Grandad. As you can imagine (other than Grandad) she was hardly welcomed with open arms. She had a heart attack in her 20’s and suffered with her health for years. She was very stoic and wasn’t much for “feelings”, although she was actually a lovely lady. If anyone complained to her about their life etc she always replied with “nobody died”
It’s kind of our family motto now!

noego · 27/08/2020 09:48

If you try to control life, life will control you

KayakingOnDown · 27/08/2020 09:50

A long time ago l, I was 18 years old and facing a tough situation. A lady in her 60s (who I really admired, she had done and was still doing amazing things with her life) told me her mantra was 'You have to work with what you've got'.

I.e you can't change circumstances you have no control over, things aren't ideal, but you're in this situation, these are the things you CAN work with, so work with them.

I have found it helpful throughout life.

BikeRunSki · 27/08/2020 09:53

When I went to university, DM advised me never to pay more than 1/3 of my income on rent/mortgage. Boring, but has proven useful. 4 years left on mortgage!!

BikeRunSki · 27/08/2020 09:54

You can’t change the beginning, but you can start again now and change the end.

MyNameWas · 27/08/2020 10:19

Nobody told me this:but it is my favourite

No One Can Make You Feel Inferior Without Your Consent

Eleanor Roosevelt

frumpety · 27/08/2020 10:20

You can’t change the beginning, but you can start again now and change the end.

Like that one BikeRunSki Smile as someone who spends far too much time worrying about what I did wrong in the beginning and not nearly enough energy on starting again.

DancingCatGif · 27/08/2020 10:22

"You have to work with what you've got"

This is what I realised too late in life. I spent many years moaning about the shit hand life dealt me when I could have just got on with it and got somewhere at least.

Working on it now though.

BikeRunSki · 27/08/2020 10:24

@frumpety, I can’t take credit for that though. It was CS Lewis that said it, but DM who said it again. She is absolutely amazing at starting again.

Everysinglebloodytime · 27/08/2020 10:28

'If you're not happy about it, do something about it. If you're not going to do anything about it, stop moaning about it.' Said by an ex who was in many ways not a nice person, but he was spot on.

It was like a lightbulb, I've gone from being quite needy and emotional to incredibly resilient. I'm known (now) to be very strong and resilient by friends and family and it was this that triggered it.

ScrapThatThen · 27/08/2020 11:46

The idea that it's not helpful to feel constantly guilty or overwhelmed by what you should or ought to do.

Instead each day ask yourself 'what do I need to do today? And what do I want to do today?'.

I found myself exhausted in midlife from years of maintaining a professional career and raising children - I hadn't stopped. Now I had more time but I had no hobbies, no idea how to spend my time. I felt almost panicky about my own identity. I decided that I needed to recover. And I wanted to be a bit lazy and also to find something just for me. I sat on the sofa a lot drinking coffee. I found a once a month cinema club and went for a year. I potted up some plants and gradually came to love gardening, spending time in my garden, taking photographs of my garden. I felt like I recovered. I started running again. Did parkrun. I joined the gym and swam, realised I was crap at swimming and reworked my stroke. Now on the weekends I have a long lie in, go for a long run listening to comedy, sit on the sofa a lot, swim outdoors which is amazing, take walks with my husband, do housework listening to podcasts, read professional books and magazines. It's me. I can generally fit what I need to do for others around what I feel like doing in my spare time. That cinema club (choosing something just for me) started something for me!

BirthdayKake · 27/08/2020 11:53

"There's plenty of guys out there who will treat you like shit - what's so special about this one?"

TSSDNCOP · 27/08/2020 12:17

That you can either embrace change and be at the front as an influencer (even if you're faking your enthusiasm) or you can resist, whereby it will happen to you and you will lose the chance to shape the outcome.

DancingCatGif · 27/08/2020 12:25

That anxiety is not the same as action or love.

Just because you worry about something doesn't mean you're actually doing anything productive and just because you are constantly anxious about your kids doesn't mean you are actually doing anything that helps them.

My mum constantly accuses me of not caring about things because I'm not fretting about them. I care about a lot of things but if I can't change them, I try not to worry about them.

My son hit his head the other day - not hard and was totally fine afterwards and she kept going on about how lax I was being because I was pretty blase about it. But what good is it going to do me or him to sit around worrying about what might have been?

Original poster
bearlyactive · 27/08/2020 12:44

These are all wonderful and you are all so strong!

OP posts:
netstaller · 27/08/2020 12:57

My grandad told me "if you don't ask you won't know" which has stopped me from feeling self conscious/stupid/ silly asking questions.

"The magic happens just outside your comfort zone" which has pushed me to go into situations I felt nervous about, which usually end up well!

Original poster
bearlyactive · 27/08/2020 15:35

@netstaller

My grandad told me "if you don't ask you won't know" which has stopped me from feeling self conscious/stupid/ silly asking questions.

"The magic happens just outside your comfort zone" which has pushed me to go into situations I felt nervous about, which usually end up well!

Both of these are great and very accurate for me at the moment too!!
OP posts:
walksonthebeach · 27/08/2020 15:36

@familychallenge

I love the phrase 'does this help' and always try and think that before I act or speak. I have a sharp tongue and especially when I am upset or angry this mantra has stopped me making things worse!
Thanks for that, it's exactly what I need to do! I also have a sharp tongue 🤐
WhamRap · 27/08/2020 15:48

A year from now you will wish you had started today.

I read this on Pinterest Blush but it rings so true and can be applied in so many ways.