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Original poster

What did one person say to you that changed your outlook on life?

288 replies

bearlyactive · 25/08/2020 11:10

I suppose I should go first...

They told me, after something bad happened to one of my relatives, that "the hole in your heart will never heal, but you'll learn to build yourself around it". I had been feeling hopeless up until that point, but it helped me change my viewpoint.

Anyone else?

OP posts:
CormoranStrike · 28/08/2020 13:33

If you threw a million pounds at this problem would it go away? If the answer is yes then you’ve proved it’s a problem that can be solved.

All you have to do now is work out a way of doing that in budget!

Sounds daft, but when big, scary things come along I use this, and often it is enough to remove the terror, and let me analyse and plan a way through thing.

Bluesheep8 · 28/08/2020 13:54

You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.

Twigaletta · 28/08/2020 14:11

@MuseumOfYou

Sally Brampton wrote a column in the Sunday Times when I was having a hard time trying to come to terms with being done a great wrong by a friend. Sally said stop waiting for cosmic justice, that day will never come when former friend will be officially recognised by the whole world as right cow. She doesn't give a toss about you, as evidenced by her actions. Stop giving a toss about her, don't give her head space. Put your burden of anger down and go and do something nicer, make a cake, go to the beach etc etc. Something like that. It had a massive impact on me as I realised my bitterness was only hurting me.
Sally Brampton was the only 'agony aunt' type person who ever gave advice that was actually genuinely insightful. Sounds odd but I was actually really upset when she died by suicide. It showed me even people who sound like they have their shit together are fragile.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sally_Brampton

DiscordandRhyme · 28/08/2020 14:17

No idea who first said this to me but it made perfect sense.

Fair few people who knew my flex were told lies about me and treated me accordingly and it hurt me so much - but I was told that 'people believe what's easiest for them to believe, so they have no need to challenge it'

Likewise with people making up/skewing stories or facts 'everyone's the hero in their own story and every story needs a villain'.

I often impart that one on others.

LivingForPinkGin · 28/08/2020 14:26

I used to get really stressed by other peoples life decisions for some reason i.e the things some of my friends let their husbands get away with. I was moaning about this to my mum one day and she said "not your circus, not your monkeys". This really stopped me in my tracks and thought why am I putting so much energy into worrying about other peoples lives. Nothing to do with me.

Try and live my life like this now, only concerning myself with my own life and the choices I make and being their for friends if they need me but "not my circus, not my monkeys"

LivingForPinkGin · 28/08/2020 14:29

Being there*

MuseumOfYou · 28/08/2020 16:49

Sally Brampton was the only 'agony aunt' type person who ever gave advice that was actually genuinely insightful. Sounds odd but I was actually really upset when she died by suicide. It showed me even people who sound like they have their shit together are fragile

I totally agree; she must have been in such pain but was still generous enough to offer support to others.

MuseumOfYou · 28/08/2020 17:04

My DM used to say 'never wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty but the pig enjoys it'

Stops me getting dragged down in pointless disputes and quarrels.

Someone told me is that happy people are not unkind to others, they have no reason to be. So if someone is behaves badly towards me with no reason, I don't take it personally, as I would have done in the past. I accept that their heads are not happy places and I happened to be in the way. Saves me hours of overthinking.

flowerycurtain · 28/08/2020 17:06

Would you like to come to Alpha

Misty9 · 28/08/2020 17:12

You are not who you think you are.

As in, your preconceptions and memories of your life will be biased and others likely see you differently. I found it incredibly liberating to hear.

Ineverdidmind · 28/08/2020 17:24

Oh I love this thread. I'm still making my way through it, but some of these are really resonating.

Mine was advice given to me on my wedding day and which was short and simple:

"No matter what, just be kind to each other".

I've never forgotten it. We have a good marriage (20yrs plus) and I think its largely down to the fact that we both follow this advice.

ssd · 28/08/2020 17:29

I read this once.

"everyone carries something"

Meaning everyone carries troubles about we might not see or realise. It's so true.

HoHoHolyCow · 28/08/2020 17:42

When I was in a turbulent, unhappy relationship, my Mum told me that a good relationship would feel easy (rather than feeling like hard work) and make me happy. She was right! I've been with DH for 15 years and our relationship has always been easy and fun, even when life has been tough.

Somethingkindaoooo · 28/08/2020 17:43

' Everything will be alright in the end.... if it's not ok, it's not the end'

But I love the concept of the wheel of life- sometimes you're at the top, sometimes the bottom, but either way, you won't be there forever. So, basically ' This too shall pass'

Love this thread

Sunnyhopefulness · 28/08/2020 17:46

I’ve always been shy and as a child and young adult was socially awkward . My boss suggested that I concentrate on making other people feel comfortable rather than worrying about how I felt . It was a game changer . The only people I’m awkward around now are those I genuinely have reservations about or really don’t like

MilesJuppIsMyBitch · 28/08/2020 17:47

@MuseumOfYou

My DM used to say 'never wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty but the pig enjoys it'

Stops me getting dragged down in pointless disputes and quarrels.

Someone told me is that happy people are not unkind to others, they have no reason to be. So if someone is behaves badly towards me with no reason, I don't take it personally, as I would have done in the past. I accept that their heads are not happy places and I happened to be in the way. Saves me hours of overthinking.

I LOVE this one.
madmumofteens · 28/08/2020 18:02

My late FIL said to me be nice to the people who are nice to you and to the nasty people be even nicer! Worked a treat with a nasty boss knocked the wind right out of his sails he left me alone after that 😜

Blingismything · 28/08/2020 18:51

I have two - The first is very simplistic but I still use it to this day. My Mum said, when I was squabbling with my sisters. 'Why be horrible (to someone) when you can be nice?'

The second is 'You can't keep chasing happiness' so by moving or regularly changing your car, job, house, partner etc doesn't automatically make you feel happier.

Henio · 28/08/2020 18:58

@Wolfgirrl love that!

Riv12345 · 28/08/2020 19:15

m*admumofteens
*
Thats a great one
I will remember that

Crustacean7 · 28/08/2020 19:18

I'm not sure anyone has actually told me this, but I think I must have read it somewhere; that "happiness comes from within".

My take on this is that you can have all the material possessions in the world, a high flying job and a big house, but regardless of all that you can still be miserable. That's because happiness is a mental state and it comes from within.

Pelleas · 28/08/2020 20:22

@CormoranStrike

If you threw a million pounds at this problem would it go away? If the answer is yes then you’ve proved it’s a problem that can be solved.

All you have to do now is work out a way of doing that in budget!

Sounds daft, but when big, scary things come along I use this, and often it is enough to remove the terror, and let me analyse and plan a way through thing.

That is genuinely brilliant.
loopylindazdaughter · 28/08/2020 22:37

Are you gonna sink or swim?

furrycat1978 · 28/08/2020 22:39

“You aren’t responsible for anyone else’s choices, behaviour or happiness”

Claricethecat45 · 29/08/2020 01:31

Last day of school 100 years ago! Headteachers assembly gave this advice as the parting shot

'Whatever problem or challenge you have yet to meet or experience - you will never be the only person to whom this has happened...and there will always be a solution....'

Never forgotten that and do bring it to mind when i have felt I'm going under ......he was correct!