What did one person say to you that changed your outlook on life?

[bearlyactive]

I suppose I should go first...

They told me, after something bad happened to one of my relatives, that "the hole in your heart will never heal, but you'll learn to build yourself around it". I had been feeling hopeless up until that point, but it helped me change my viewpoint.

Anyone else?

'Graveyards are full of indispensable people.'
Is one of my favourites.

When I was in my first management role I was always being asked to, stay late, come early, cover on my day off. I felt I never got any thanks. My mum said 'what does your yes mean if you never say no'. It stuck with me

Love this thread. I have screenshot so many quotes/anecdotes.

My dad had a saying along the lines of do today what you planned for tomorrow and it will ease your life.

I also remember being told by my first supervisor to keep a nice letters file... Any nice notes from clients to go in there. He said to remember to look at all those nice letters when I eventually made a mistake which I would do as we are all human and not infallible and to put into context the one mistake compared to the many nice letters. Always stuck with me.

Love the one someone posted about getting on with something rather than being striving for perfection and achieving nothing. I have a few regrets because I thought too long and the opportunity passed.

I was told by my Grandpa who had been in Concentration camps until he was 15 and had a very different outlook on many many things due to his experience

But the one thing that has stuck with me from being a child and impacted me the most in my life and I’ve taught my own kids and students after I’ve told them the story.

Every christmas, birthday and celebration we were all given two gifts from them. One that my grandma would chose that had a monetary value because she realised through the disappointment with their kids (my dad) when asking for a gift or toy that they wanted and didn’t get and having to explain to friends my dad made mine.
So she decided that she would go get the ‘commercial’ gifts that kids love.

My Grandpa would always produce something he had made - wasn’t much and generally small. But he would also make the perfect gift.

When I asked why one year He said
‘One year the women in the camp decided to have a ‘Christmas’ and the made each child a ‘gift’
A women who had looked after when he was younger and alone gave him a piece of ‘soap’ wrapped in material. The soap he said was smaller than a two pence piece. But, it was the gift that’s stayed with him and he has never forgotten. The fact she remembered him saying he had missed the smell, she had been hoarding scrappings of soap from anywhere, collected it and stored it and then heated it to make a ‘new’ bit of soap for him when she could quite easily have kept it as she wasn’t his mother.
He said the Time, effort and thought of that gift is what he was paying forward to his children and grandchildren.

That ‘Time’ is the most precious and beautiful gift anybody can give and someone receive. Time is what is remembered and I do remember his gifts

The second bit of advice was to always take pictures and as many pictures as possible as you never get that time back. The picture is the only memory of that moment. Because as son as the picture is taken it’s already in the past as time moves forward.
Families change so take a picture of everything and everyone so there is evidence it all existed.

He never had any pictures of his mum, dad, sisters or brother and because he was very young when first moved from their home he couldn’t remember his family or most of his heritage

Taking the pictures I am very grateful for as I’ve lost my daughter and grandson and all I have left are pictures

@wellhelloyou

A song lyric "they say the darkest hour is just before the dawn". I think about this a lot.

Also Dahl writing how sunbeams show from the faces of people who have nice thoughts.

I personally say to my daughter everyday 'today will be the BEST day yet!' She happily skips off to class with a smile after I've said that, granted she is very young

I was going to write this too! I know it as “how dark it is before the dawn.” So comforting.

On a practical level, I heard recently “if it takes less than a minute just do it”. Great advice for small house jobs that I couldn’t be arsed to do.

This too shall pass.

No matter how awful and terrible things may seem, they will pass.

When someone tells you who they are, listen

When I was about 21, my first love/ boyfriend of 4 yrs had broken up with me and left me absolutely bereft and heartbroken. I was always very stubborn/ dignified so I never made any attempts to contact him after, but every 2-3 months he would track me down somehow, e.g bumped into my brother drunk on a night out professing undying love for me and asked him to get me to contact him. But then when I did get in touch / meet, he gave me a speil about being totally in love with me still but couldn’t be with me now blah blah (still happily shagged me!).
On this particular occasion he had turned up with his best mate for dinner at the upmarket restaurant I waitressed at while at Uni. Obviously came in deliberately / sole purpose knowing I was working there to see me/ unsettle me (I think I dropped a tray of glasses!).

Anyways, at the end of the night, I went out for drinks with workmates and found myself in the wee hours at an night cafe (expressoholic) with my good friend/ colleague a very wise bar tender called Kai. I must have been telling him the sob story about my ex (who I was still desperately hung up on) and how ex keeps turning up every couple of months saying he still loves me yadda yadda yadda. This was now over 20 yrs ago but I remember it vividly as it has always stayed with me:

Kai gently interrupted me and just said “ penguin, if he truly loved you, he would be here now instead of me, you’d be eating cake, and we wouldn’t be having this conversation”.

May seem blindingly obvious but for an angst ridden 21 yr old if was a total lightbulb moment. And I’ve always remembered it and applied it to relationships. Even relevant now as I navigate a split/ divorce (husband professing love but actions inconsistent).
I guess it’s that old adage about looking at a person’s actions not words (how ever much you might want to believe the words!).

This story may also unwittingly be illustrating that 20 yrs on I’m still making poor choices choosing partners!

@bearlyactive I have really enjoyed reading this thread in the wee hours while wide awake with a kicking bump. A couple of things people have said to me have really changed the course of my life. Nothing too profound but just at the right moment.

When discussing my thoughts about now DH after a few dates my big sister asked me “So what do you think about him?” I said, “he’s lovely but he’s really not my type”.

My sister took a moment and then said “well sis, your type hasn’t worked out for you so far so maybe that’s a good thing”.

Married DH 16 months later and we’ve now been married 6 years with DS1 and DS2 on the way.

When I was 22 and in a relationship that I wanted out of but felt like I couldn’t because I would break his heart someone said to me “just because he says he can’t live without you doesn’t mean he can’t, he just doesn’t want to”.

I love the phrase:

If not now, then when?
If not me, then who?

We have a very long-standing family friend in her 80s, who was diagnosed with MS in her late 20s. She has had a relatively “normal” life and is still walking. She has managed her illness with a lot of exercise and diet amongst other things. I remember somebody once asking her if she’d ever felt angry about being diagnosed so young (she had one child and was advised not to have anymore, despite her wishes to). She said “I’ve never wondered ‘Why me?’, I always just think ‘why not me?’. I rather like that. I think she was essentially saying “shit happens, we can’t always control it, but we can manage how we deal with it”.

@Biscuitmonster2318 such a moving story

@Biscuitmonster2318, humbling

^
That ‘Time’ is the most precious and beautiful gift anybody can give and someone receive. Time is what is remembered and I do remember his gifts^

I once had a fortune cookie motto that said “Time is the currency of love”. So true.

“People like me don’t do PhDs”

“Don’t talk shite”

(Said by very eminent professor)

I should give context.

I was a late entrant to university education at 40. Single parent. Lots of kids.

I’m now in my final year of my PhD.

Also. Name change because that story outs me.

@Peoplelikemedodophds, good luck with finishing your PhD. Hardest thing I have ever done (as a childless, single, 20 something). Very wise fellow your Professor.

Thank you @BikeRunSki it is definitely the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

@Peoplelikemedodophds, good for you. You remind me of the time I was applying to Oxford (overseas student, back in the day when this involved a paper form) and a teacher looked over my shoulder, smirked and said 'Fat chance!'

I was tempted to send him a photocopy of my degree certificate, and of the three subsequent degree certificates.

Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

My nan used to say this a lot - and as an anxious little girl, who hated school, it helped me no end.

@Biscuitmonster2318

I was told by my Grandpa who had been in Concentration camps until he was 15 and had a very different outlook on many many things due to his experience

But the one thing that has stuck with me from being a child and impacted me the most in my life and I’ve taught my own kids and students after I’ve told them the story.

Every christmas, birthday and celebration we were all given two gifts from them. One that my grandma would chose that had a monetary value because she realised through the disappointment with their kids (my dad) when asking for a gift or toy that they wanted and didn’t get and having to explain to friends my dad made mine.
So she decided that she would go get the ‘commercial’ gifts that kids love.

My Grandpa would always produce something he had made - wasn’t much and generally small. But he would also make the perfect gift.

When I asked why one year He said
‘One year the women in the camp decided to have a ‘Christmas’ and the made each child a ‘gift’
A women who had looked after when he was younger and alone gave him a piece of ‘soap’ wrapped in material. The soap he said was smaller than a two pence piece. But, it was the gift that’s stayed with him and he has never forgotten. The fact she remembered him saying he had missed the smell, she had been hoarding scrappings of soap from anywhere, collected it and stored it and then heated it to make a ‘new’ bit of soap for him when she could quite easily have kept it as she wasn’t his mother.
He said the Time, effort and thought of that gift is what he was paying forward to his children and grandchildren.

That ‘Time’ is the most precious and beautiful gift anybody can give and someone receive. Time is what is remembered and I do remember his gifts

The second bit of advice was to always take pictures and as many pictures as possible as you never get that time back. The picture is the only memory of that moment. Because as son as the picture is taken it’s already in the past as time moves forward.
Families change so take a picture of everything and everyone so there is evidence it all existed.

He never had any pictures of his mum, dad, sisters or brother and because he was very young when first moved from their home he couldn’t remember his family or most of his heritage

Taking the pictures I am very grateful for as I’ve lost my daughter and grandson and all I have left are pictures

This is very moving. Thank you.

When my DH was diagnosed with a disabling illness, the idea that things were just fundamentally broken and not fixable and to some extent would "not be okay" for the rest of our lives. And at the same time that we could - together - build as a good a life as possible, and that it would indeed, "be okay" on this new path.

I also bought myself the Tatty Devine necklace "Courage calls to courage everywhere" from the new Millicent Fawcett statue. I put it on when I need courage to get through the day, thinking of all the other people who are dealing with the same shit, in different ways, getting up and going through it all in order to be there for the people that they love.

@Abraid2

He was a wonderful man and a true hero.
The experience truly ingrained everything he did.
Always had a bag packed at the door - just in case?
Did not believe in banks and everything was cash. He even bought his house cash after saving it around Hidey holes in the garden!
He said Banks take everything and he profoundly remembers as a child the panic from hearing adults saying their money wasn’t there’s anymore and lost a lot of money.
So his view was if it’s not in the bank no bank can take it! Said that generally gardens etc weren’t dug up etc looking for things!
When he died in a weird bag in a mattress he had over £150k stashed!

The other was ‘Religion is crap - it doesn’t tell you the morals and heart of a man and pre judging a person over the God they believe is and believing one group is better or worse is ignorant and no sign of intelligence. Remember Biscuitmonster you judge a person on the deeds they do, the words they say, the unconditional love and kindness they show when no one is watching’

[quote Biscuitmonster2318]@Abraid2

He was a wonderful man and a true hero.
The experience truly ingrained everything he did.
Always had a bag packed at the door - just in case?
Did not believe in banks and everything was cash. He even bought his house cash after saving it around Hidey holes in the garden!
He said Banks take everything and he profoundly remembers as a child the panic from hearing adults saying their money wasn’t there’s anymore and lost a lot of money.
So his view was if it’s not in the bank no bank can take it! Said that generally gardens etc weren’t dug up etc looking for things!
When he died in a weird bag in a mattress he had over £150k stashed!

The other was ‘Religion is crap - it doesn’t tell you the morals and heart of a man and pre judging a person over the God they believe is and believing one group is better or worse is ignorant and no sign of intelligence. Remember Biscuitmonster you judge a person on the deeds they do, the words they say, the unconditional love and kindness they show when no one is watching’[/quote]
What a character! And the money stashed away...

@Abraid2

In his garage, which no one could go in, was a large chest freezer filled with bread, and really boxes of thick socks and gloves

We never figured those out lol