Honestly, is this how adults run friendships now?! Feeling quite stressed. 😬

[BarrenFieldofFucks]

This is so pretty that I don't quite believe it myself.

Long version.

Daughter (10) has a friend at school. Very nice girl, very confident and self assured. Over the years we have always invited said child, Jane for ease, to birthday parties etc. I don't think she has ever turned up (sometimes with no notice) bar maybe once. Fine, we have always downplayed it to DD. This year obviously we didn't have a party per se, a couple of her closest friends came to public park with us for cake and a play.

Dd posted on a chat group that they have on my phone about seeing some of them later (on her birthday morn) and Jane replied saying he assumed she wasn't invited. I saw this, and not wanting DD to get upset on her birthday ( we have had a shitty time of late) I replied and apologised, said it was my mistake and I thought she had been, should have spoken to her mum etc. Jane replied again, disagreeing with a couple of things I said, copying other posts off the group etc. Again, I replied apologising etc. Again, more rebuttals. So I said nicely, that I wasn't going to argue with her, that we would love to see her etc and I had messaged her mum. I then deleted the comments from my WhatsApp so DD wouldn't see them.

Cue messages all day from.mother, about how dare I tell her that, delete messages etc, make her child look bad to others etc etc. It went on for an age. Including remaining me about Jane's party last year (only one DD has been invited to), which DD went to and was very unsettled, had an accident in the night etc, and how she and Jane could have told lots of people but they didn't etc.

Next day j messaged an olive branch, saying we all get protective, I'd meant no harm, let's move on. Fine.

Until today. Apparently dh unfriended her on Facebook the other day, as she had made a few PA comments to me about him amongst other things. No song and dance.

I have had a lot of messages all day about this, about him, how they were nice to DD when she was unsettled, they could have handled it differently etc etc but they didn't. Again, I was polite I think and thought we had sorted it.

I have now had another message saying her husband wants my husband to unlike his business page as he doesn't want him to like it any more because he unfriended his wife.

I mean, wtaf?? I am genuinely jaw on the floor.

Two words are all you need in response to this twat. Take a wild guess as to what they are.

Why didn't you just tell them the truth? You weren't invited cos you never attend. Your DD decided to invite whoever she wanted to.

And you do realise that even though you deleted the messages your dd will still be made aware of this?

Why are you so involved in your daughter’s friendship? Jane obviously isn't your daughter's closest friend otherwise she would have been at the park for the cake etc but a lot of this is down to adults interfering in a child's friendships.

You're all better off out of it. Plus if your daughter is 10 she's far too young for WhatsApp as you should be 16. Their rules.

Jane is a cheeky little cow! A ten year old arguing with an adult? Can see where she gets it from though.

I would send a breezy cheery bye message, we aren't going to agree, happy to be cordial going forward. Block her number and social media. I would suggest you dd does the same or at least mutes conversations. I would keep an eye on it though, in case friends mother gets involved inappropriately.
I wouldn't unlike the business page out of spite.

I wouldn't talk about a child having an accident because I'm not a twat. If anyone talked about a DC in this way I'd let them know it was unkind and would give them a wide berth. The don't get brownie point for not being a twat at the time when they are basically throwing it in your face now.

I'm not involved specifically, she's 10 and had a group on my WhatsApp to chat to some of her friends through lockdown.

We didn't specifically not invite her, they haven't really bee in touch through lockdown so I didn't think of it. I just put that in for context that it wasn't like a best friendship.

Meant to say DD knows now that we had a disagreement, but I didn't want it ruining her birthday. I've already been told that it will affect their friendship come September so I've no doubt she'll know about it 😂

You should not have got involved in the first place.

As for all the rest - stop the drama. Nod and smile (in a virtual sence), don't justify or engage.

The business owner can block your DH if he so wishes.

At 10 my DC were allowed phones on the understanding I could look at their phone. A lot of bullying happens on social media and messaging.

The older I get the more friendship audits I undertake. This woman isn't a friend and you don't need to have either of them in your lives.

Why on earth did you message a 10 year old then proceed to get into a What’s App argument with them?

There was no need for you to get involved at all. No wonder the other parent is defensive when you’ve had an online disagreement with their child then deleted all the evidence of your comments.

We barely see each other at school, I work there and parents aren't allowed in, hopefully the girls can work through it though. Never had drama before!

I wouldn't talk about a child having an accident because I'm not a twat. If anyone talked about a DC in this way I'd let them know it was unkind and would give them a wide berth. The don't get brownie point for not being a twat at the time when they are basically throwing it in your face now.

This. I'd be giving the woman both barrels for these comments about your dd! What a complete cow she is!!!

Just why would they have told other people your daughter had an accident? Very strange thing to say. Just try to ignore.

I didn't! I replied on a group chat (which all the parents have access to) and apologised for not having invited her, on my phone. The parents often reply because they're on our phones, the kids don't have access all the time.

It's poor manners of your DD to talk about the party on group chat knowing that one member of the group was not invited. That's in-your-face ostracizing. Such comments, even passing comments, should have been done privately.

You had a argument with a child on a childs group chat with others in the group?

That is a strange thing to do isn't it?

Tell the horrible woman a) to get a life and b) her daughter wasn't invited because she never turns up, rudely never gives any notice at all and has left you with excess expensive food and gifts.
Be very blunt then tell her in no uncertain terms not to contact you again.

Even worse that you were messaging a child who attends the school you work at.

Jeez.

It might also be wise to remind your daughter that discussing social arrangements within a group of children who haven’t all been invited along is tactless and not very kind.

It was poor manners, and I've told her that. I think she forgot the other girl was on there tbh as she wasn't a regular participant. Dd is quite young/naïve, hence not having her own phone etc. Jane is a bit older/more savvy.

When I told her I wasn't going to argue with her it was said very nicely, just in a 'I'm very sorry, we messed up, I'm not going to argue the finer details but it was my mistake, we'd love to see you if you'd like to come' type way. All the other parents saw and the group is aware, I just deleted them so DD didn't see.

Don't engage. They are bonkers.

You should never have become involved with this. You should never have apologised for not inviting this child. You escalated a small thing totally out of proportion. Next time let children sort their own things out.

So your DH unfriended Jane’s mum on Facebook? Have I understood that correctly? If so that was clearly two fingers up to Jane’s mum and I’m not surprised it’s escalated again as a result.

Honestly, you wouldn't have apologised? We hurt her feelings, I was sorry for having done so. That's fine if so, I was just feeling perhaps unnecessarily protective of DD, we've had a hard few months and she is genuinely a kind, naive child. I never knew it would kick off into all this.

Stop messaging the family now, even if they contact you, just ignore and let the whole thing blow over.
Never ever engage online with other people's children is a golden rule.

Any problems pick up the phone going forward and speak directly to the parents, then this kind of thing can be avoided, never ever engage with a child. It is inappropriate.