Honestly, is this how adults run friendships now?! Feeling quite stressed. 😬

[BarrenFieldofFucks]

This is so pretty that I don't quite believe it myself.

Long version.

Daughter (10) has a friend at school. Very nice girl, very confident and self assured. Over the years we have always invited said child, Jane for ease, to birthday parties etc. I don't think she has ever turned up (sometimes with no notice) bar maybe once. Fine, we have always downplayed it to DD. This year obviously we didn't have a party per se, a couple of her closest friends came to public park with us for cake and a play.

Dd posted on a chat group that they have on my phone about seeing some of them later (on her birthday morn) and Jane replied saying he assumed she wasn't invited. I saw this, and not wanting DD to get upset on her birthday ( we have had a shitty time of late) I replied and apologised, said it was my mistake and I thought she had been, should have spoken to her mum etc. Jane replied again, disagreeing with a couple of things I said, copying other posts off the group etc. Again, I replied apologising etc. Again, more rebuttals. So I said nicely, that I wasn't going to argue with her, that we would love to see her etc and I had messaged her mum. I then deleted the comments from my WhatsApp so DD wouldn't see them.

Cue messages all day from.mother, about how dare I tell her that, delete messages etc, make her child look bad to others etc etc. It went on for an age. Including remaining me about Jane's party last year (only one DD has been invited to), which DD went to and was very unsettled, had an accident in the night etc, and how she and Jane could have told lots of people but they didn't etc.

Next day j messaged an olive branch, saying we all get protective, I'd meant no harm, let's move on. Fine.

Until today. Apparently dh unfriended her on Facebook the other day, as she had made a few PA comments to me about him amongst other things. No song and dance.

I have had a lot of messages all day about this, about him, how they were nice to DD when she was unsettled, they could have handled it differently etc etc but they didn't. Again, I was polite I think and thought we had sorted it.

I have now had another message saying her husband wants my husband to unlike his business page as he doesn't want him to like it any more because he unfriended his wife.

I mean, wtaf?? I am genuinely jaw on the floor.

Because I am just not buying that you just forgot, no way, so at least be honest as to why you did not invite Jane this year, despite genuinely liking her and thinking of her as as sweet girl (although an over confident one according to you)

If we had still been in school I was absolutely have remembered, as we would be bumping into each other if you see what I mean, and it would likely to have been a more formal thing.

When I asked DD if she wanted to take her cake to the park with Amy, her best friend, she said yes. We were then out with Amelia and mother the next day so I invited her along too. She mentioned that Alice was feeling down because she was having a hard time during lock down so I messaged her mum to invite her. And that was the extent of it.

I knew a woman like this at the pre-school stage. She was SO invested and so involved, and wanted an explanation for everything. Worst thing I ever did was give her my mobile number.

Why didn't my DD play with her DD in the sandpit today? Why did DD sit with another child for her snack? Why did I go for coffee with Mum X and Dad Y without inviting her? Did I think Gran Z "looked at her funny" at drop off? Where did I get DD's t-shirt as her DD wants one the same?

Honestly, every single day she was creating a sodding drama. So glad the kids went to different schools and I never saw her again.

Disengage. Don't respond. Ignore. Let your DD run her own friendships and just don't get involved with this pair.

You should not have got involved in the first place

I know it's easy to say, but this.
You did nothing wrong not inviting to birthday outing, as you say it wasn't even a party anyway due to COVID restrictions and whatnot.
I wou;dn't have engaged, and if it'd have been me and mine I'd have said to my kids not to get involved either, just flames drama!

I have now had another message saying her husband wants my husband to unlike his business page as he doesn't want him to like it any more because he unfriended his wife

Actually did a LOL, I mean are they 5?!
I just.... I can't even
Back..... slowly.... away....... I would lol, they sound utterly ridiculous!
Not worth the headspace.

So despite knowing Jane for years and years you just forgot her this time? Do you actually expect any of us to believe this op?

Even if Jane has not been online during the lockdown very much, there is no need to leave her out, it is not her fault, maybe her parents are stricter than you when it comes to SM. I imagine that would have been more of a reason to include her not less.

Jesus, I really don’t know why people are having a go at you,

You apologised to a girl you know and invited her over. Send a message to the mum to invite. No big deal

Girl gets mouthy and it is your fault? Honestly, that girl needs better manera, her mother is deranged and yes, all of them need to be blocked in your social media pronto.

it sounds a right mess what were you supposed to say to the kid when she flags it up that she hasn't been invited "sucks for you?" you apologised tried to make it right and they still arnt happy

i would pre warn the school there has been an incident and whats happened so they dont hear "internet bullying" bollocks from the other parent

i had a child threaten to scalp me apparently i was in the wrong for laughing and reporting him to xbox

Agree about pre warning the school.

I think you have a huge problem actually, because if they report this incident to the school this could be seen as a serious safe guarding issue, it is also a question about your lack of judgement and professionalism.

You're all being very childish. From messaging on their whatsapp, to deleting the messages, to you DH deleting her and now her asking you to unlike the page. You all need to grow up. If your kids want to be friends, then just leave it and let them be friends.

You work at their school? You need to take a massive step back then, huge one. And consider your obligations as an adult working in a school.

@GetThatHelmetOn exactly! Why should anyone have to explain themselves to a 10 year old with such bad manners. As an aside l do love it when people get accused of being a bully, in reality challenging someone else and their behaviour. Yeah you don’t get invited to everything. Tough shit and Jane needs to learn this

er mother is deranged and yes, all of them need to be blocked in your social media pronto

Its a bit late for that, and could make things worse.

This group chat makes even less sense.

So rather than create a parent group, during the day parents use the group to message each other so their kids cannot see the messages.

Are parents reading out and typing the messages when their kids are using whatsapp? Because you all realise they will scroll up dont you?

Doesn't sound like your dd wanted Jane there. She mentioned a couple of names. She could have also said and Jane.

Sorry but you and your dh sound as bad as them.

No good ever comes of adults involving themselves in their children's friendships.

id message saying, look, its clear youve got something going on, but please dont take it out on us. This is getting weird now. Hope you all feel better soon

I've messaged the Head.

Friends I'm not sure how to explain further that I didn't intentionally leave Jane out. None of them have SM and she is the only one in the group with her own phone so it isn't that that she gets left out or whatever. This was my mistake and no-one else's. 😬

To be honest OP as you work in a school you should know better than to get involved in your children’s friendship dramas (this is how they learn and develop their interpersonal skills)

And you should also know better than to allow your 10 year old access to any kind of social media.

And you also shouldn’t be getting drawn into petty arguments with other parents. Working in a school does have some rules that will impede on your private life, it’s the nature of the job and If I was your line manager I would be sending you for some refresher training.

id message saying, look, its clear youve got something going on, but please dont take it out on us. This is getting weird now. Hope you all feel better soon

What a brilliant way to get Jane's parents to report to the school sooner rather than later. Jesus.

Oh what did you say in your message to the HT?
And why?

Parents have their own chats, but the kids have one too. But parents can see cause they're on our phones, if that makes sense.

It was just a way for them to chat in lockdown really

Are you friends with Jane's mother op?

I just explained the brief of what happened, we are friends too and I know she knows Jane's mum from previous encounters. I don't think it will be an issue, but she's very approachable and tbh I feel like shit

Blooming' Farcebook AGAIN! ...Truly, delete the bloomin' thing.

My Bro did, this son followed...And I did....and it saves so much hassle.

All this silly 'unfriending' malarkey...''Unlike my business page?'' How pathetic is THAT 😂

''Jane'' -Sounds a ''Pain''

Pain Jane
and her hissy-fit Mum...and faddy daddy.

Yes