Should we be more honest about weight?

[LockdownLoser]

A friend of mine has put weight on, she checked her BMI and is firmly in the overweight category.

Now in a large size 12, bordering on a 14 she is not huge by any stretch of the imagination and is probably the slim one at work, amongst her friends etc.

She posted on Facebook how much of a shock it is and how she has always been the skinny one.

Queue people falling over themselves to say how BMI is rubbish, how there's nothing of her, how she should ignore it as she is the size of one of their thighs and so on.

Now she does look great, and I have told her so whilst suggesting a few exercise classes we could do together IF she wants to lose the extra couple of pounds, but when does body positivity become dangerous?

BMI is not just made up figures? It's based on something and serves a purpose, being overweight does come with health risks.

So when do we be honest and say actually yes you could do with losing a couple of pounds for the sake of your health, let's do it together. Instead of saying oh the medical guidance is rubbish, you look fantastic.

All this, well you are smaller than me so have a biscuit seems like encouraging each other in the race to become unhealthy.

I do think some people are reading the thread as should we go round to all over weight people randomly saying eh, have you not noticed you are Fat????

What I was suggesting is when someone bring up their own weight and positive intentions on managing it, why do we rush to tell them they are fine, not overweight at all, don't be silly. Instead of being supportive and agreeing that what they are suggesting is a good idea.

I will just say again, I would never ever bring up someone else's weight unsolicited, never. But if someone says to me, oh I have tipped over into an unhealthy weight, why is it the default to contradict then instead of saying, oh so you fancy doing my step class with me or I have a great recipe for low fat fish pie, or I found walking more helped me. It anything other than lie.

Actually OP I think you're right. I'm part of several fitness groups. I asked for a new routine as the results I was seeing weren't what I'd like and I've been able to be a different shape through exercise. I've got a few of "you look great"... Out of say 30 replies only 2 answered what I was asking...

Why do you think people are lying? Maybe they are actually bigger than the person and genuinely think they are not overweight. Maybe for many people, size 12 is not overweight.

@AnneLovesGilbert

Fat people know they are fat

Rubbish. OP’s friend is overweight and didn’t know and people have rallied to support her in her denial.

Everyone who is dangerously obese was once obese and previously overweight. No one wakes up with a BMI of 40 but they’re more likely to end up that way, with all the associates health risks, if their loved ones collude in their denial. The answer isn’t cruelly telling people they’re fat, but it’s a shame none of these people on Facebook replied “I don’t blame you for being surprised, it’s happened to a lot of us, I’ve started walking an extra hour a week and feel loads better” or something. They’d be piled on and probably told they were smug for trying to improve their health but it would have been supportive rather than pandering.

Trust me she was well aware. It’s a very personal thing and sometimes people just want to vent to their friends rather than seeking diet advice. I sincerely doubt there is anyone left on this planet who doesn’t know that being overweight is unhealthy and that if they are they should exercise more and eat less. It’s a LOT more complicated than that.

But yes, fat people know they we are fat.

Maybe for many people, size 12 is not overweight.

It's not a matter of opinion, though? Someone taller (than me) might well be a perfectly healthy weight at size 12. Other short-arses (like me) are not. There's a formula for working that out, as much as people might not like it.

I do read enough r/fatlogic to know the usual Fat Activist comment to any mention of overweight is to cry "over WHAT weight?!" because obviously an old-timey statistician could never have worked out a working... statistical tool?

InsaneProbably, I have no clue. But OP was saying that people who commented on her FB was lying. But not everyone who commented are healthy weight and think OP's friend is overweight. That's what I was saying.
It's always subjective. I don't think I am overweight in British norm, I'm 5'3 and size 10. But I know I am over weight, I am flabby and unhealthy, not fit at all.

It's always subjective

It's not? BMI is not subjective. Neither are your fat percentage or your various body measurements. "Overweight" in usual use covers the BMI range of 25-30. Obviously what people think overweight looks like, or what clothing size it should be, is subjective, and therefore should have nothing to do with the whole discussion.

But it is, imo. I know what BMI is. But some people have fitter body with higher BMI, and someone like me, low BMI but so much fat with no muscle. They can't look the same.

But it is, imo. I know what BMI is. But some people have fitter body with higher BMI, and someone like me, low BMI but so much fat with no muscle. They can't look the same.

Those two could be distinguished by body fat percentage. It's not down to "what they look like". Also, carrying way too much weight is bad for you in any sense, be is fat or muscle. If you were to make it to an obese BMI range by some muscle miracle, your joints would still not thank you for all that extra weight (especially since you'd be doing a lot of exercise and therefore putting a lot of strain on them - more so than if you were just sitting on a chair all day).

To be honest I am starting to think we need to be more honest about weight yes. I am trying my best at the moment to lose a stone which will put me at the top end of the healthy weight for my height. I have told myself for the last 7 or 8 years that my current weight is OK, because I lost 3 stones previously to get to it, and have since had 3 children. I've comforted myself with the fact that I've stayed at my lower weight, but on paper I'm still overweight. I'm going to lose this stone no matter what.

[quote CatbearAmo]@ktb100 yes I agree, we are closer in culture to the US.
The obsession with Starbucks, McDonald's and all of these chains. Super shakes with cakes on top. All the cookies, biscuits, crisps lined up in the supermarket.
I remember telling my friend not to take my dd to McDonald's, because she doesn't like it. I took her once and she spat it out. Here, happy meals come with a book, not a toy, so there isn't even an additional incentive. I got a massive lecture about how i was cruel for depriving my kid of a childhood for not taking her to maccyds. But she genuinely doesn't like it.
Don't get me wrong, she does like junk food. She's had multiple ice creams a day while on holiday and at home she dances around the doorbell if she knows pizza delivery is coming.
But life does not center around food like it does in the uk/us. [/quote]
Whilst your friend is clearly batshit 😂

I'm assuming your child tried one meal? How does that equate to not liking anything at all from McDonald's?

I like honesty in all things but it makes you unpopular. Most people want to be liked. Friends and colleagues of mine know that I will give a genuinely honest opinion. I always say are you sure you want my opinion.

Haven't bothered to read the thread sorry. I completely agree with you. I am basically your friend and I am definitely at least a stone to two stone overweight. I am sick of people telling me there's nothing of me when it's clearly bollocks. I'm 5ft6 not 7 ft tall and even with 36% body fat I am still only a C cup so I can't blame my massive knockers just too much wine, treats and inactivity.
I need to woman up and wire my jaw shut, not buy more "flattering clothes"

@worrallliberty she will eat the fruit bags or pouches but she doesn't like the fries, probably because of the texture, and she doesn't like meat, so theres the just the vegetarian option, which she will reject after 2-3 bites.
She's not raised as a vegetarian but her nursery is vegetarian and we rarely cook meat at home. I try to cook meat sometimes specifically to get her eating it but she just chews it and then spits it out.
Anyway, the point wasn't really about what my dd eats or not, because she does eat her fair share of junk, while being a fussy eater when it comes to texture.
More really about my friends reaction that it is essential to take your kids to McDonalds, whereas for me i would just see it as convenience food, like if you are out and about and McDonald's is the fastest and easiest option. It's not convenient if she won't eat it and stays hungry though.
My friend was taking her out for the day, almost like playing parent i guess. I packed a lunch with the things my daughter likes, pb sandwich, fruit, crackers. But my friend was determined to take her to McDonald's because it was "part of the experience"
I wasn't annoyed but just thought more fool her. My dd got a toy and a balloon so she was probably happy about that. But she probably just ate the fruit snack and juice and left the rest. So she could have just given her the original packup and saved the money. Or gone to pizza hut. It just HAD to be McDonald's, like it belongs to our culture ifyswim.

We can’t even talk about weight without some or woman being triggered by it BECAUSE ALL OF SOCIETY BANGS ON ABOUT WOMENS BODIES FROM WHEN THEY ARE 3 YEARS OLD!

I was over 20 stone and still had people tell me "oh you're FINE!" whenever I mentioned wanting to lose weight.

I know people want to be kind but lying to my face isn't kind, especially for someone who was morbidly obese and qualified for bariatric surgery on the NHS.

Now I'm just over 13 stone with a BMI of 28 and get people telling me I have nothing left to lose and not to lose anymore. The big rolls of fat I can grab say otherwise, but I've just perfected my smile and hmmm reaction and will continue on until I get to the point I'm happy.

The difference is TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams that you wouldn’t put an attention-seeking post on FB begging for reassurance and compliments.

What I was suggesting is when someone bring up their own weight and positive intentions on managing it, why do we rush to tell them they are fine, not overweight at all, don't be silly. Instead of being supportive and agreeing that what they are suggesting is a good idea.

I'd say that what you called 'being honest about weight' in your thread title implies a bit more directness than just saying "Yeah, good on you!" when someone tells you they're changing their eating or exercise habits.

There is a big difference between saying e.g. "That sounds great. I could do with eating a bit more healthily/ doing more exercise myself" and saying it in a way that actually comes across as "Good. You are fat and it's about time you did something about it".

Often when people say "God I'm feeling so fat' or 'I've put on loads of weight', they are just looking for reassurance that they don't look awful. They aren't really interested in your honesty and it won't make them lose weight if yiu tell it like it is.

People in my family seem never to have had a problem being very honest with me about my weight! In fact in general I have not encountered many of these people rushing to say 'oh, you're fine...' even when I was still in the healthy Bmi range. Bit concerning, maybe I just carry any extra weight really badly or maybe I just know a lot of very direct people.

@WorraLiberty
I'm assuming your child tried one meal? How does that equate to not liking anything at all from McDonald's?

I remember you doing something similar on a different thread where a poster was asking for help on school lunches because the daughter didn’t like fish fingers and burgers that were being served at school. You were advocating for forcing their kid to try hot dogs and things even though the OP said her child didn’t like them.

Just because somebody’s kid doesn’t like that type of processed food doesn’t mean they’re stuck up or they are judging you. There’s no need to push fast food and junk food on children. Some people like it and some people don’t. It’s fine either way. The way you go on about it sounds like snide inverted snobbery.

When I say I need to lose at least 1/2 stone (I do and have been saying for the last year), I genuinely mean it and it doesn't matter what people say I just know.

A handful friends have said they can't be bothered at the moment because they love food, one said she did too and then lost it. I'm going out for a meal with a couple of slim friends (who talk about exercising constantly). They won't tell me I don't need to lose weight. I probably won't mention as I will get enough information about it anyway. I might just add that I need to get my exercise mojo back.

I'm determined, my Mum is beautiful, over weight and knows it and her health is starting to suffer. When she says anything I just say I will go walking with her anytime.

[quote CatbearAmo]@worrallliberty she will eat the fruit bags or pouches but she doesn't like the fries, probably because of the texture, and she doesn't like meat, so theres the just the vegetarian option, which she will reject after 2-3 bites.
She's not raised as a vegetarian but her nursery is vegetarian and we rarely cook meat at home. I try to cook meat sometimes specifically to get her eating it but she just chews it and then spits it out.
Anyway, the point wasn't really about what my dd eats or not, because she does eat her fair share of junk, while being a fussy eater when it comes to texture.
More really about my friends reaction that it is essential to take your kids to McDonalds, whereas for me i would just see it as convenience food, like if you are out and about and McDonald's is the fastest and easiest option. It's not convenient if she won't eat it and stays hungry though.
My friend was taking her out for the day, almost like playing parent i guess. I packed a lunch with the things my daughter likes, pb sandwich, fruit, crackers. But my friend was determined to take her to McDonald's because it was "part of the experience"
I wasn't annoyed but just thought more fool her. My dd got a toy and a balloon so she was probably happy about that. But she probably just ate the fruit snack and juice and left the rest. So she could have just given her the original packup and saved the money. Or gone to pizza hut. It just HAD to be McDonald's, like it belongs to our culture ifyswim. [/quote]
Ahh that makes perfect sense when you put it like that. I was just thinking it's a bit like writing off a whole restaurant because you've tried one thing on the menu and didn't like it.

Ignore JingsMahBucket, I don't know what she's banging on about really, as you'd already said your child does like junk food.

@WorraLiberty I’m referencing your post on another thread and your attitude of pushing highly processed food on kids like it’s a rite of passage just like @CatbearAmo’s friend.

[quote JingsMahBucket]**@WorraLiberty* I’m referencing your post on another thread and your attitude of pushing highly processed food on kids like it’s a rite of passage just like @CatbearAmo*’s friend.[/quote]
Yeah except I wasn't pushing anything on anyone.

This is a chat forum, not North Korea. Posters are free to do as they please 🙄

@WorraLiberty I didn’t tell you to stop but was pointing out your pattern.