Should we be more honest about weight?

[LockdownLoser]

A friend of mine has put weight on, she checked her BMI and is firmly in the overweight category.

Now in a large size 12, bordering on a 14 she is not huge by any stretch of the imagination and is probably the slim one at work, amongst her friends etc.

She posted on Facebook how much of a shock it is and how she has always been the skinny one.

Queue people falling over themselves to say how BMI is rubbish, how there's nothing of her, how she should ignore it as she is the size of one of their thighs and so on.

Now she does look great, and I have told her so whilst suggesting a few exercise classes we could do together IF she wants to lose the extra couple of pounds, but when does body positivity become dangerous?

BMI is not just made up figures? It's based on something and serves a purpose, being overweight does come with health risks.

So when do we be honest and say actually yes you could do with losing a couple of pounds for the sake of your health, let's do it together. Instead of saying oh the medical guidance is rubbish, you look fantastic.

All this, well you are smaller than me so have a biscuit seems like encouraging each other in the race to become unhealthy.

@LockdownLoser

I think part of it is that if you are bigger than the person in question, admitting they are overweight means admitting that you too are overweight?

Again this isn't a personal attack on being overweight or not, I am talking purely from a health point of view.

If someone needed glasses you wouldn't reassure them that actually their eyes are fine whilst they were walking into doors.

Sorry, but I think its a really bad idea. It sounds like you are suggesting that you go around telling fat people to lose weight?

You don't think that every medical appointment we already get told that?

Fat people know they are fat, and having a slimmer person point that out is rude and cruel. Unless you are a medical professional dealing with the person in relation to a health problem, then you really should keep your nose out.

I agree with you op. And am currently 6 weeks pp so carrying a fair amount of extra weight. There is a balance though. We don't need to be rude to someone about their weight and we don't need to take it upon ourselves to educate people in the most part (although we should be teaching our own children good habits).

I have friends that won't mention weight to their teenage daughters for fear of making them anorexic. Meanwhile said daughters are becoming obese.

Your friend at a size 14 is probably not risking her health particularly (assuming she is over around 30) but she is approaching a size where she may start to have more risk of weight related medical problems. That doesn't mean thin people can't have those problems or that grossly overweight people won't have them.

I've never wanted to be extremely thin (and haven't been a size 6 for example since my teens) but I'm much more comfortable in body and mind at around a size 10. Size 10 isn't particularly slim anymore though!

Pretending weight is just predisposed like hair or skin colour isn't doing anyone any favours.

BMI isn't great, but it's based on science. I was shocked to have a BMI of 27 when I looked slim and people said the same to me. It's now 35- a good decade later!- (down from 38 recently!), and I wish I had worked to reduce it when it was 27!

I am post menopause. Prior to menopause I was a size 10. Now I'm a size 16 snug. Or a 14 vanity sizing. I know I am fatter than I should be. I have rolls and rolls. I look at myself on photos and am so wide.
My BMI is 19.
Go figure.

We need to put a stop to vanity sizing for starters. Two summers ago, I bought some t shirts from H&M. Had to have XL and they are snug. This year, same t shirt I bought XL and you could fit 4 of us inside. That, in the long run does nobody any favours.

We need to stop justifying being overweight and accusing people of fat shaming. We need to start taking responsibility for what we do to our bodies. And I get irrationally angry with people who say to me "you don't need to lose weight"because I know they are lying and they know they are lying.

BMI isn’t always accurate but I do have an issue with celebrating “curves” when actually being curvy and being overweight are two different things. We didn’t need a pandemic to tell us that being overweight increases health problems but I’m hopeful it will help people realise how serious is can be

I am post menopause. Prior to menopause I was a size 10. Now I'm a size 16 snug. Or a 14 vanity sizing. I know I am fatter than I should be. I have rolls and rolls. I look at myself on photos and am so wide.
My BMI is 19.
Go figure.

Are you 6ft?

@TheLovelyChebbyMegee, sorry I wasn't suggesting that at all, what I meant was, if my friend came to me and said she needed glasses I wouldn't try to persuade her otherwise. Likewise if she says to me, I am overweight I need to lose a stone, I shouldn't try to persuade her otherwise.

I would never offer an unsolicited comment on anyone's weight, but if they bring it up I don't agree that we should lie and try to discourage them from making healthy changes.

I am very tall - so burn a lot of calories - and have been taking regular exercise through out lockdown but given I usually have work and the school run etc I have been putting on a tiny bit of weight. Not massive - I'm still within healthy BMI - but more than I would like given I don't want to buy new clothes etc.
I am back doing a combination of 5:2 and 16:8 4 days out of 7. The rest eating normally. I have done this in the past very successfully. The few people I have mentioned this too have mentioned that this is very excessive and that I have a problem with food. I really don't - I just find this the only way that enables me to eat below the calories I burn atm. It seems that we have lost sight of this simple fact

Unfortunately it doesn’t help when celebs like Adele (before the weight loss), Revel Wilson and Tess Holliday are praised for being ‘curvy’ when really they are overweight/obese.

We need to stop beating around the bush. Being fat is not healthy.

Fat people know they are fat

Rubbish. OP’s friend is overweight and didn’t know and people have rallied to support her in her denial.

Everyone who is dangerously obese was once obese and previously overweight. No one wakes up with a BMI of 40 but they’re more likely to end up that way, with all the associates health risks, if their loved ones collude in their denial. The answer isn’t cruelly telling people they’re fat, but it’s a shame none of these people on Facebook replied “I don’t blame you for being surprised, it’s happened to a lot of us, I’ve started walking an extra hour a week and feel loads better” or something. They’d be piled on and probably told they were smug for trying to improve their health but it would have been supportive rather than pandering.

Actually at a medical appointment I was reassured O was done when really my BMI was 29.

I take Dianette and have done for years even though it is one of the more risky pills, the nurse who had weighed me said well you don't have any of the other risk factors, you are nice and slim, you are fine to carry on with it.

I feel awkward saying I'm trying to lose a bit of weight to a friend who is bigger than me because then they obviously know that I think they could do with losing some. My slimmer friends would probably just discuss what they've been doing to stay slim.

I think Covid has shifted the conversation on somewhat.

It has brought to everyone's attention that obesity is a real health risk, not just a vanity thing. Obese bodies are in a constant state of inflammation and so immunity is compromised - it really has zero to do with fat shaming, it is a national health crisis.

I think back to an advert Cancer Research did a year of so ago about obesity, saying it was now the number one risk factor for cancer and people went hugely 'fat shamed' about it, declaring Cancer Research a disgrace etc. I have observed that this automatic assumption that you are fat shaming if you say it is not healthy has shifted somewhat since Covid and I think that is really positive. At least in the right direction.

We need to really get it in our heads that obesity kills hundreds of thousands of people a year in our country and to not be able to point it out is ridiculous and dangerous.

@diplodocusinermine good luck! I'm finding it SO much easier dieting together with DH. When I've tried dieting on my own before it was a bit lonely, I felt a bit like the party pooper trying not to drink and very difficult not to fall of the wagon if he wanted to get a takeaway or whatever. Now we're keeping each other honest, in a good way.

I am 5'8" and weigh 11 stone 4. I am at the top end of the healthy weight band according to the BMI calculator, but I have a big roll of fat round my middle, which I know is not good, esp as I am in my late 40s. I put on weight over lockdown, and have since lost that weight, but still need/ want to lose more to be in the middle of the healthy weight band. However, I am one of the 'smallest' people at my work, and there are a few women who are obese, and one is morbidly obese (she told me that was the reason she was shielding) so I am constantly being told I am 'so thin' and 'have some cake/ chocolate/ sweets', which I am trying really hard to stop snacking on! It's so difficult because if I try to explain that I want to be healthier, it will sound like I am criticising/ judging them, and I would never comment on their weight, but they always comment on mine! I end up hiding from them and not going into the staff room.

@LockdownLoser I agree that this is an issue: So when do we be honest and say actually yes you could do with losing a couple of pounds for the sake of your health, let's do it together. Instead of saying oh the medical guidance is rubbish, you look fantastic. and I think it comes mostly from two angles.
Angle 1 - I am also fat hence I want you and me to be the same - fat. Angle 2 - I am skinny but if you stay fat I will always be the skinny one.

It is simple. If you eat healthy and move enough and you still have a bit of weight, fair game (and I do know a few people who do this, although admittedly they do tend to eat way more than normal portion). But they are still fit, and I do not go and point out that they have belly that could go a bit down.

Notice this with animals. Most UK population has overweight animals. Same with overweight kids. In contrast, we go skiing every year to Austria. I'd say that 90% of the kids there are healthy, skinny, active. It comes with the lifestyle. In the Uk the lifestyle is - school/work then pub drinks/home on sofa and TV. How can one be healthy from that?

I've gone from very fit but upper end of healthy BMI, to obese in the last few years. I'm now losing weight (18lbs since beginning of July) Honestly, I wish someone had had the guts to tell me. I knew I had put on weight, but BMI of 35 shocked me.

It's not just looks... My knees were having problems. I got out of breathe on the stairs. I'm at serious risk of Covid 19 complications, diabetes etc.

I'm hoping to continue to lose steadily. 4st to go.

@KatnissK

People in the overweight category actually live longer according to studies! I do think mn is quite hysterical about people who are a bit overweight. Sure, let's not encourage morbid obesity but there's no need to be so judgemental concerned about a few extra lbs.

Trouble is that "few extra pounds" can turn into a few extra stones if the reasons for the slight weight gain aren't addressed. It's the slippery slope. Once you put a bit of weight on, exercise/activity starts to become a little harder, and if you aren't as active, then that accelerates the weight gain. If you're putting on a few pounds, it either means you're being less active or you're eating more (or more of the wrong stuff). So first step has to be to stop putting on more weight. Yes, maybe obsessing about losing those "fex extra pounds" isn't a good thing and dieting to lose them maybe over the top, but that person needs to at least accept they've put on a bit and take actions to ensure that it stops there.

[quote LockdownLoser]@TheLovelyChebbyMegee, sorry I wasn't suggesting that at all, what I meant was, if my friend came to me and said she needed glasses I wouldn't try to persuade her otherwise. Likewise if she says to me, I am overweight I need to lose a stone, I shouldn't try to persuade her otherwise.

I would never offer an unsolicited comment on anyone's weight, but if they bring it up I don't agree that we should lie and try to discourage them from making healthy changes. [/quote]
Hello, yes I get you then. and yes I actually agree with you then, that we shouldn't do the whole thing of denying when someone is overweight.

It's one of my pet hates when women get together and try and out-fat each other while saying things like 'I'm so huge, but not you, you are tiny' when they are clearly the same size, slim or overweight.

@RunningFromInsanity its also not healthy to publish photos of celebs that have lost a massive amount of weight with comments about how much better they are looking. Fat does not equal ugly.

But also, slim does not always equal healthy either. There are many factors to being healthy, weight is only one of them, drinking, smoking and activity levels are important too.

What your friend did was really attention-seeking (quite embarrassingly so) and it would have been very clear that she wanted reassurance rather than honesty, so I'm not surprised that's what people gave her (but I bet a lot more rolled their eyes and posted nothing!).

Pretty much what I was going to say.

Let's be honest, she wasn't looking for a realistic, evidence-based, medical appraisal of her weight/body size. She was looking for 'OMG hun, ur totally gawjus as u r! Ignore the haterz' bullshit x 500.

My two dearest friends are a couple who are morbidly obese. They're not stupid people - in fact they're two of the smartest people I know - and they don't need to be told. If I had to armchair diagnose, I know both of them have had big emotional upheavals in the past which caused weight gain, and now they've got together and are very happy and loved up there's been a lot of comfortable couple eating and drinking and they've piled on weight. I know it needs to come from them before anything changes but there's a lot of "I've just decided I'm not going to stress about my weight and eat intuitively and try to eat healthy, I accept myself" etc which may be better for mental health but not for actual physical health.

Nothing I can do about it though and unfortunately a lot of our social interactions are around eating and drinking. It's got to the point where I feel like I'm colluding in their poor health if we have them round for dinner - like handing an alcoholic a bottle of vodka. Luckily as DH and I are now dieting together I have mentioned this lots and I'm praying they decide to do the same.

What did you comment on her post, OP? If nothing, then doesn't that tell you exactly why people didn't say something more honest - for the same reason as you?

Yes I'm overweight. I don't talk about my weight a lot but it is annoying on the odd occasion when I say I am going to lose a bit of weight to be heavier to get the 'oh, you don't need to lose any, you look great'. I do need to lose some since I am in the obese category but worse my waist measurement is too large and my knee creeks so a bit of weight loss would help all around. My point being that people attempt to make you feel good and dismiss the need to lose weight - doesn't really help at all.

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

I've gone from very fit but upper end of healthy BMI, to obese in the last few years. I'm now losing weight (18lbs since beginning of July) Honestly, I wish someone had had the guts to tell me. I knew I had put on weight, but BMI of 35 shocked me.

It's not just looks... My knees were having problems. I got out of breathe on the stairs. I'm at serious risk of Covid 19 complications, diabetes etc.

I'm hoping to continue to lose steadily. 4st to go.

Good luck with your weight loss.

I can't find the article I want but BMI is or can be inaccurate for many ethnic groups because it was based on white males.