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Original poster

Do you need to give your parents notice before you visit or can you just turn up?

157 replies

LizzieBlackwell · 08/08/2020 13:26

Inspired by another thread.

Could you just drop in for a quick hello or even stay the night or would you have to plan ahead.

I have keys to my grannies house ( she raised me) and through out my life many times I’ve just turned up and she never batted an eye lid. If she was going bingo she’s still go and see me when she got back Grin There wasn’t food in I’d pop to the shop or order a take away.

Do you ‘visit’ or do you just see it as going back home?

Would you need your adult children to give you notice or are you/would you be happy for them to just turn up and even sieve the night?

OP posts:
zigaziga · 08/08/2020 18:43

We live 4-5 hours a way from both sets.

Generally we give about two weeks notice. I wouldn’t pop in unannounced, what if they had plans? They could even be away for the weekend.

Once DH had a plan to go to his parents as a surprise but he talked it over with some people and they advised against it.

Cactuslove · 08/08/2020 18:52

I have always just turned up to my parents, grandparents etc help myself to their cupboards and fridge haha my parents have a complete set up for my ds so it is really easy to be there. I love being able to just turn up! That's what family is for me... always welcome.

NewnameNelly · 08/08/2020 18:58

Plan, but I'm a planner and I absolutely hate anyone just turning up at my house. We don't have a set routine and I know my parents don't, so why would I travel to see them and they end up being out?

bruce43mydog · 08/08/2020 19:03

Turn up.

And the same at my nanas and grandads they always made sure we knew that we could just go there any time day or night without any planning

stayathomer · 08/08/2020 19:10

I think it's very different if you all live near to each other bit whereas before I'd have just turned up, now I think it's unfair not to let people know so they can tidy/have stuff in, even that morning or the night before. I hate people just turning up!

ilovepixie · 08/08/2020 19:29

Mum lives about 45 mins away. I have a key and and free to let myself in, stay the night whenever I want. I usually tell her I'm coming first though

AriadneCrete · 08/08/2020 19:35

I can always just turn up to my mum’s. I usually call/ text or plan in advance, but she does like to be surprised, so sometimes I do just turn up. She actually gets offended if I refer to it as “her” house as opposed to home- despite the fact I have my own home and haven’t lived there full time since I was 18! My childhood bedroom is still exactly the same as I left it.

My dad lives abroad and although in theory I could just turn up (I have keys) I always plan in advance.

Gazelda · 08/08/2020 19:38

I couldn't ever just pop in. Neither could I help myself to a cup of tea or rootle in the cupboards for a snack for DD. I envy those that have a relaxed and comfortable relationship with their parents.

RosaBaby2 · 08/08/2020 19:38

Yes definitely to my mums I sometimes go and just let myself in if she's not there and wait ha ha
My dad lives in his partners house so doesn't feel as laid back but I normally just text say are you in, I'm coming round.

TakeMeToYourLiar · 08/08/2020 19:38

My parents we couldn't stay as there is no room. If we were happy to crash on sofas then it would be fine.

PIL can just turn up. They are 2 hours away but near the A1 which can be handy when travelling across country

RedskyAtnight · 08/08/2020 19:41

My parents live 4 hours away. I'm not going to drive all that way only to discover they are out or even have gone away for a few days.

DelurkingAJ · 08/08/2020 19:47

We have keys to both DM’s and DPIL’s houses but, like others here, I wouldn’t risk a 2 hour drive (not in the same direction) and hope they were in when they’re very likely to be off doing something or seeing someone for the day.

Trisolaris · 08/08/2020 19:47

I tell them I’m coming but I know I’m always welcome. When I arrive I just open the door without knocking and we all have keys including all our partners.
I wouldn’t want them to just turn up unannounced at my house and don’t want them to drop plans because I’m coming so I try and coordinate where possible. When I’m staying there I treat it like my home and expect them to just get on with living their lives and they do! (It gets annoying when stuff isn’t where i expect it to be though!)

DelurkingAJ · 08/08/2020 19:48

But if we are there we all dig in and help ourselves to drinks etc.

IdblowJonSnow · 08/08/2020 20:26

I much prefer a heads up before any sort of visit. Doesnt matter who it is or how much I like them. If I'm eating a meal or doing something w kids or in smelly pjs etc. I would just hate to be surprised.
Live too far from my parents to just turn up and the in laws dont mind if we pop in but more likely we'd arrange it.

RowboatsinDisguise · 08/08/2020 20:32

I have a key to my parents house and could drop in any time. They’re about 30 mins away. I usually let them know I’m coming (to check they’ll be in) but it’s no big deal if we’re nearby and just appear.

We often surprise my grandparents with a quick visit if we’re passing by. (Live about 20 mins away)

PIL live 2 hours away and we always stay over (wouldn’t cope with 2 x 2 hour car journeys with a toddler!) so we obviously let them know we’re coming. They’d be delighted to see us if we randomly dropped in though.

HelenaJustina · 08/08/2020 20:35

MiL lives in same village, we can just pop round. She is bubbling with us so kids are in and out, DH walks her dog etc.

My parents live about 25 minutes away. Some of my siblings drop in with no notice and my Mum is genuinely delighted to see them.

However, if I did the same there would be passive aggressive faux surprise followed by ‘no no, of course it’s fine, lovely to see you darling’ and I would have to be explanatory and apologetic. So I usually text ahead to avoid this charade. It used to upset me that she is much less pleased to see me and game plays, but I’m now older wiser and tougher and mostly don’t give a toss!

Redyoyo · 08/08/2020 20:54

I live about 15 mins from my parents, i have keys to both my mums and my dads house, i pop into my mums all the time no notice and if no ones home i use my key and pop the kettle on, see whats in the fridge/biscuit tin/new products on the dressing table.
I always call my dad as his partner lives along the road from him and he's often at hers, i never use my keys to his house they are only in case of emergency, although i don't think he would mind.

MsAwesomeDragon · 08/08/2020 21:00

My parents live an hour away but I'm always welcome to just turn up if I want to. The house would be a tip, but that doesn't matter for family. We tend to ring ahead and plan though, so that we know they'll be in (obviously they're in most of the time now, but in normal times they're out a lot)

OverTheRainbow88 · 08/08/2020 21:04

Mine are a 4 min walk away. We turn up... if they are busy we say hi and go on our way, if they are out... we sometimes let ourselves in to play...( that’s usually if it’s raining and kids need a change of scenery) if they are in and want a catch up/have time we go in!

hotstepper4 · 08/08/2020 21:06

I could just pop in, but wouldn't be able to stay - my mum has a funny thing about anyone staying the night at hers, me included! She's quite neurotic in general. She's lovely and kind but has a lot of neuroses and anyone sleeping at her flat is one of them

EventRider1 · 08/08/2020 21:14

Yes, we can just pop in to both my parents and PIL. They only live 5 and 15 minutes from us so very local and always happy to see us. Never seem flustered if we just turn up.

TheMurk · 08/08/2020 21:16

Me and my siblings all still have keys and just pop in as and when.

I might send my mum a text to say I’ll be over at some point but equally if I didn’t it wouldn’t be an issue.

I see them most days. Always have.

ineedaholidaynow · 08/08/2020 21:32

@Redyoyo why do you have a nosey round your mum's house and help yourself to biscuits?

madroid · 08/08/2020 21:36

Interesting thread OP.

I'm always vaguely aware certain members of the family see it as rude to turn up unannounced.

On the other hand I see it as too formal and stand-offish to have to make an arrangement to see your own dc or gdc.

No one has actually said anything tho Grin