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Original poster

Do you need to give your parents notice before you visit or can you just turn up?

157 replies

LizzieBlackwell · 08/08/2020 13:26

Inspired by another thread.

Could you just drop in for a quick hello or even stay the night or would you have to plan ahead.

I have keys to my grannies house ( she raised me) and through out my life many times I’ve just turned up and she never batted an eye lid. If she was going bingo she’s still go and see me when she got back Grin There wasn’t food in I’d pop to the shop or order a take away.

Do you ‘visit’ or do you just see it as going back home?

Would you need your adult children to give you notice or are you/would you be happy for them to just turn up and even sieve the night?

OP posts:
ineedaholidaynow · 08/08/2020 15:58

Although we have never ‘popped’ into my parents once I left home, as moved away from home town, have never refused a visit either way unless had something else planned, and either parents or we would arrange too see them if it was convenient if we were passing by on our way home from somewhere else.

mbosnz · 08/08/2020 16:06

I would definitely warn her in advance, as it's a 30+ hour flight, and the shock she'd get might just be enough to make her pop her clogs at 82, lol.

HopelessSemantics · 08/08/2020 16:08

I can't imagine ever feeling like my son can't just turn up.

We can turn up at my parents in laws place but not at my parents. My mum would be flustered.

I suppose it's not an issue these days, with phones, but when I was a student, even just 10 or so years ago, it was still usual to just show up at a friend's house to say hi.

WindsorBlues · 08/08/2020 16:10

My parents, nan and great aunt all live 5 minutes away I always just let myself in when I visit. I've keys to parents house and Nan and Great Aunt always leave their doors open (I've tried explaining how unsafe it is but they pay me no heed). They wouldn't blink an eyelid if they came home to find me lying up the sofa, watching TV and eating their best biscuits 😂.

PIL live ten minutes in the other direction DH would need to make an appointment to call even with an appointment he needs to stand at the door to knock, then they'll come out and talk to him at the door instead of inviting him in.

I think the way his family do things is odd... He thought we where odd for a bit but now just walks on into my lots houses as he was feed up of my nan and aunt shouting at him for ringing the bell, and making them get up of there chairs for no good reason when he could walk on in.

Shizzlestix · 08/08/2020 16:11

Tricky. When I’ve turned up unannounced, they’d had friends round and were pissed as usual They live 5 hours away so I tend to arrange visits and they’re often away. I would hate for them to turn up unannounced.

sunshinesupermum · 08/08/2020 16:14

I'm 60 mins drive from DD1 and 2 x DGS. My visits are always planned.They don't welcome drop ins 🙄

ineedaholidaynow · 08/08/2020 16:20

For those who live only a few minutes from family would you cope if your children move miles away?

CrimeCantCrackItself · 08/08/2020 16:32

@Triangularbubble

The people who just pop in - have you not ended up walking in on some delicate situations? I don’t want to interrupt my parents (or anyone else) in the middle of an argument or a nap or a visit with someone else or having sex on the kitchen table.
You lock the door. They try the door, find it locked, they knock, stick your head out of the top window, "sorry I was just about to get in the shower, give me two minutes" go down, unlock door and let them in. Or pretend to be out

I don't mind my parents walking in when I'm having an argument or a nap Grin

Original poster
LizzieBlackwell · 08/08/2020 16:34

@ineedaholidaynow

For those who live only a few minutes from family would you cope if your children move miles away?
My eldest is 25 and lives in Dubai. We talk daily.
OP posts:
AlexaShutUp · 08/08/2020 16:34

Mine live up a 15 mins walk away and I generally turn up unannounced. They don't mind!

When I lived further away, I would have given them notice of going to visit, especially if it involved an overnight stay. Wouldn't have known what their plans were otherwise. Of course, it would have been different if it was an emergency.

My dd is only 15 but I hope she'll feel able to come back home whenever she wants as an adult. She'll always be welcome, but I hope that she will also communicate with us before she comes so that we can make it nice for her.

sunrainwind · 08/08/2020 16:36

I can go at short notice but I text or call first. I like that they do that before coming here too, I don't like being taken totally by surprise, but happy with 10 mins notice (and can say no if it's not a good time).

Toddlerteaplease · 08/08/2020 16:38

My parents live half an hour away. We always plan as we are all busy.

woodhill · 08/08/2020 16:38

Yes would be happy for my dc to turn up. Dm wouldn't mind but has a new DH so I would tend to check first as she effectively lives in his house

AlexaShutUp · 08/08/2020 16:39

For those who live only a few minutes from family would you cope if your children move miles away?

Yes, of course, it's the natural order of things. My parents choseto move so that they were near us, but we lived quite far apart for a long time before that - including on the other side of the world for the best part of a decade.I fully anticipate that dd will want to move away from where we live now, possibly live overseas etc. We might end up moving to be near her when she has kids of her own, like my own mum and dad did, but that will depend on where she ends up and how she feels about it at the time.

Purpleartichoke · 08/08/2020 16:40

I would never turn up at any home unannounced, even my parents.

BakedCam · 08/08/2020 16:44

My daughter often turns up unannounced. She has a key, drops in for lunch, cuppa between her house calls.

My son tends to let us know as they live overseas.

RonaldMcDonaldio · 08/08/2020 16:46

I am snorting at the very idea of dropping in on my 82 year old Dad without prior notice. Fuck me I think he'd have a coronary, he plans every moment with absolute precision.

My late mum, though - before the Alzheimer's, if we'd called by unannounced she'd have been flustered for a few minutes, then she'd have put the kettle on and rustled up a cake. Aww, miss you mum.

ProfYaffle · 08/08/2020 16:55

We live 250 miles so can't really pop in. If we did live locally they wouldn't have an issue with it. I would call ahead though as I wouldn't want a waste journey if they weren't in.

HeronLanyon · 08/08/2020 16:56

When my ma was alive (1 hour away - saw her at least weekly as she got older) I had to ring ahead because she was more busy going out than I was, often.

In fact day before she died I was supposed to pop down but she rang me to say she was off to an exhibition and would I mind rearranging by a few days. I really wish I had seen her but am more glad that she had a full life to the very end which is an absolute privilege.

weegiemum · 08/08/2020 16:58

Mine are 90 mins away and like to plan, so we'd almost always plan with them. Plus there both really busy even though they're mid 70s so I'd like to know they're in!

But one of my siblings had a really sudden, nasty relationship breakup and nothing, at really short notice, was too much bother for them. In fact, I'm the only child (out of 6) who hasn't moved back home at some point. Even though their house isn't the one we grew up in.

They're planning on moving to a place with a smaller garden in the next few years as its getting too much for them. All the grandchildren are devastated (oldest is 21, then my 3 are 20, 18 and 16) as its the only place, to them, that Gran and Grandpa have ever lived.

TheChosenTwo · 08/08/2020 17:00

I think my children will move a bit further afield, house prices here are cripplingly expensive even though we’ve been saving deposit money for them, I’m okay with that.
I hope we will always remain close relationship wise.
We bought our house close by to our families as they were a support network, dh worked in the area and had built up a business around here, there was literally no good reason for us to move away other than that house prices would have been cheaper elsewhere.

KitKatastrophe · 08/08/2020 17:10

We could turn up unannounced with no problem but my parents have a busy social life and are often out playing sports or in their campervan, so we tend to plan ahead so that they're actually there when we visit.

I don't see it as going home because they dont live in the house I grew up in. But we do treat it like home, help ourselves to food and drink etc.

BlusteryShowers · 08/08/2020 17:26

I can pop in whenever I feel like it but I tend to ring first to check they're not busy.

Hidingtonothing · 08/08/2020 18:15

I'd always ring first (was brought up with manners Smile) but do still have a key and know I could just rock up in an emergency. Adult DSC have keys (despite never actually living here) but know to call first, again unless it's an emergency when we wouldn't bat an eyelid if they just turned up.

DontBeShelfish · 08/08/2020 18:38

I live about 2 hours away from my GM, who I lived with on and off during early adulthood. I still have a key to get in and have turned up without giving her notice. But given the distance I usually ring in advance.