The reality of life living with Covid has just really sunk in this weekend, and I am finding it tough tonight.

[Belleende]

In all the ways that matter I am one of the very fortunate ones. Lovely healthy family, I credibly supportive partner, own our wee house, live in a town I love, reasonable job security.

Like many others, i cancelled every holiday we had planned, I made a makeshift office in our bedroom, I became the simultaneous teacher, employee and parent, I stayed home, made the most of our wee garden. I have worried about how and when I might see my elderly parents again. Like everyone else it was hard but had to be done.

We deliberately chose a life full of simple pleasures rather than luxuries. As lock down has eased I am seeing the new reality and many of the things we counted as simple pleasures just aren't pleasurable any more.

Our local farm re opened and it was pretty joyless, lots of queuing in the sun for ages to get five minutes in the playground and then having to carry DD off kicking and screaming, most of the animals not there, no sandpit, no cafe. Left after an hour.

Today DD had her swimming lessons restart. Her dad wasn't allowed to swim in the empty pool, there was no play time before or after the lesson. She really did nt enjoy it.

Local splash Park just doesn't work, if your kid wanders out they have to queue to get back in, try explaining that to a two year old.

Having spent a bit of time this weekend looking at the research and the global experience, this is it for the foreseeable. We are not going back to anything resembling normal for years. For some reasons, it is the loss of these small things that has affected more than anything else. Perhaps the straw that broke the camels back. Added to the increasing liklihood that schools will not be reopening as normal come September, and the feeling of wi ter looming with few options to do stuff with the kids and I am not liking life right now.

Anyone want to join my pity party?

Ken I believe the stragety needed is to find these viruses before they find us!!

@bibbitybobbitycats Rationally I know it can't last forever and will come to an end at some point in the next year or two. I am now frantically resisting the urge to Google the black death though!!

My reality is different.
This last month I have been working normal shifts,we have few COVID +ve patients so PPE requirements have changed(though still used for intubated patients).
It's busy because we have a massive backlog of patients waiting for operations(I am one),we could be a lot more efficient if testing results were faster .
I make the most of my time off,not doing much but just grateful for it.
It could all change and I am not low risk and at the pointy end.For now I am relaxing,talking with my DD,watching the weeds grow and wishing the sun would shine a bit more in the Midlands.
If you have small children do daft things,obstical course on the garden,water pistols/guns in the garden,parachute making for teddies(make sure you take pictures and launch from somewhere high),paper aeroplane making(can get competitive but give the kids a go too).
If you have charity shops open search for board games.If you have outside paving give your children coloured chalk.
Young children won't remember half of it but you will have photos and memories of laughing and we will get through.
My DD is a teen and has to be prised from her room at regular interval to prevent muscle atrophy,putting down roots and permanent loss of speach!

[quote rc22]@bibbitybobbitycats Rationally I know it can't last forever and will come to an end at some point in the next year or two. I am now frantically resisting the urge to Google the black death though!![/quote]
Actually, I think it was the bubonic plague he was on about rather than the black death. But agree best not to Google!

I was seeing some light at the end of the tunnel, and last week we went out for our first family meal since March. Then we were put back into some lockdown restrictions on Friday (In Greater Manchester) and I feel like we've gone back to where we were months ago.

I am struggling more at the moment than I was, because life is going back to normal but, like you say, it’s not actually the same. I’d made the mistake of looking forward to a time when lockdown is “over”, when there wasn’t really going to be a set time for that as everything is so gradual and with weird rules. What’s got me is the swimming rules - it’s all lanes now and due to my disability I find that really difficult - in normal times I’d only go in an empty lane but now I’d have no choice and it’s making me anxious as well as feeling shit that I can’t swim like the other people do.

It could be a lot worse and in many ways I’m actually better off (quieter life etc) but it’s ok to admit we are struggling too.

Honestly, it’s the coming recession which scares me more than the virus. My father in law, an economist, thinks it’s going to be much worse than many people realise.
I feel this is the calm before the storm. Hope I’m wrong!

On a positive note, Im on holiday at the moment and was very worried about what it would be like but it’s actually been very nice and all the locals we’ve encountered have been friendly and welcoming. It’s very busy but most people are doing their best to social distance, wear masks and sanitise from what I’ve seen. I’m just trying to enjoy myself and make things as normal as possible for the dc’s, doing some fun activities while we can in case things get even worse come winter.

Whether the kids will be back at school in September remains to be seen IMO.

@Bleepbloopblarp I'm really scared about the economic impact.

Where I live, I’ve woken up to the heaviest new restrictions yet (second wave). Curfew (8pm- 5am) and no travelling for any reason, bar work, beyond 5km from your house (many industries closed). 6 more weeks of remote school, minimum (we’re in the middle of term 3 now). Heavy fines for just about everything.

I’ve just realised that my local shops (supermarket etc) are 6.5km away and I’ll either have to risk it or be stuck with the single tiny expensive local shop that never has anything we need (and will be stuffed full of people now) 😫.

I was doing ok, with periods of ‘just fine’. Even the occasional ‘there are benefits to this life’ moments. Today I’m definitely fighting off feelings of defeat. Oh well, so goes the Coronacoaster!

I had a bit of a moment today when my ds wanted to go in a bookshop to spend a voucher he had won.
I absolutely love books and browsing through bookshops but there were signs everywhere saying "Do not touch! Only touch items you are buying." but how can you choose a book if you can't pick it up and read the blurb? It was also really humid and the mask was making my face sweaty. I was rushing my dcs because I wanted to get out in the fresh air and take the mask off.
I did find it all quite depressing and I'll avoid the shops as much as possible and buy online.
But that makes me feel guilty and worried for high street shops.

I was also looking forward to schools going back so I could hopefully go back to working my normal hours but as I work in a pub now I'm worried about my job not even being there when schools open.

@Shodan I am so sorry. It must be absolutely awful. It is inhumane. I hope you get to see your DM soon!

@HungryForSnacks 100% agree

'My DD is a teen and has to be prised from her room at regular interval to prevent muscle atrophy,putting down roots and permanent loss of speach!'
i have teen boys it literally breaks my heart when they spend their days glued to screens in a dark room .we went camping for 4 days last week and re connected played cards chatted laughed . now we are home they've gone again . what do we do ?

@beatrixpotterspencil Been at the gin again, dear? I’m sure you think you sound wry and witty, but you really just sound like a twat.

@bloodywhitecat sending you lots of hugs for tomorrow.

It’s like a really bad dream that won’t go away

This

I'm so sad for everybody on here, this is just so hard whatever you're facing. I was just thinking it was starting to get easier and now Manchester has been locked down and my best friend, who.is 55 and has been at home for most of the time has just tested positive, and I'm starting to feel as scared and anxious as I was at the start of it all...

Yep. Initial ‘proper’ lockdown was ok because it was all new and it felt like we would just power through until it was all ‘over’ and come out the other side.

Now it’s the ‘new normal’ with no end in sight and everything is so different. A lot of things I missed are back but not the same anymore with all the rules and regulations and distancing and missing aspects that I actually can’t be bothered with most of them.

Agree with no definite end in sight it makes it hard
We went away uk and have had days out but its not the same trying to avoid people and putting on masks to go in and out of shops so i just avoided
Nothing is spontaneous now and have to do a risk assesment before planning anything
I also lost my new job due to covid and have applied for around 50 in last couple of weeks and the majority haven't replied even with a no
My dh job is now looking shaky as well so have gone from two good incomes to one ,which we can just about manage on , to now maybe the possibility of no income
Have two teenage ds who im worried about too as they are missing out on so much
I think at beginning i was nieve and thought we would have lockdown for a few weeks etc and by summer all back to normal
But all we can do is follow the guidelines and hope we get on top of this or a vaccine comes along soon

Oh gosh

I was trying to put this into words yesterday.
I feel such a loss of all the things I haven't got to do with my tiny boy this summer. The fun we didn't have, the places we didn't go, the things I haven't got to show him. I was going to teach him to swim. He was going to meet his great grandparents but we lost them both to Covid before it could happen.
I feel grief, not for me but for the time we've lost.

I hear you.

I'm finding it hard too. My dd was diagnosed with anorexia mid way through lockdown and it's just been awful. I'm a single mum so could only visit her on the days my other two were at school which was a mission getting them into. I had to plead with the schools to have them so I could see her. I was then reported to social services for not being in with my dd15 all the time. So I've since had them round to check I'm a fit mother.

I was feeling relieved that things were getting back to normal but it's hit me that it's not. My dd seems to be going backwards since things have started to open. Everything is just not quite so fun and things like shopping are just hard work. I need to get some new clothes but without trying on I don't even know what size to buy. I can't afford to get multiple sizes so I just don't bother.

The only positive thing from all of this is my son who has ASD is so much better. He's loving not being crowded and all the rules. He also loves wearing his mask. I thought he would be the one it hit hardest but I've never seen him so happy.

for all, especially those posting about bereavements and health, very hard times for many.

I also have found it hard this weekend, went to a museum with some family and my younger child found it worrying as they weren't really distancing - they weren't too bad with us but at one point went up to someone working there and were touching everything. It was hard to see because I just want this virus to feck off!

I think the news from the NW has set me back in terms of positivity, must be horrible if you live in the area.

Last night though we had hot chocolate in the garden, lit candles and played games and it was really very nice.

It's going to be a long winter, we have to really take care of ourselves and focus on the small things I think.

@talkingkrustydoll

Sorry to read about your daughter,hope they start to recover

Seems like this has struck a cord. I am normally very resilient, I have coped with my fair share of shit, picked myself up, dusted myself off and moved on. We aced lock down, bought a bike trailer and took the girls up hill and down Dale. A different adventure every day. I suspect this will be the earliest memories for my 5 y. O. And they they be good ones.

But, my elderly parents live in an isolated part of Ireland, can only get there via multiple forms of public transport. Don't know when or if I will see them again. My one family member who lives close is having lots of family drama so hasn't made the time to see me, which I am finding difficult to understand. We are announcing major redundancies this week.

I also don't share the optimism about a vaccine. There will likely be a successful candidate towards the end of this year but we don't know how this virus works yet, so we can't possibly know how effective the vaccine will be. That I think will take years.

I don't like feeling like this. It feels unnatural to me. Was thinking of taking on a big project, like extending the house but worried this could be madness adding in more stress and that keeping money in the bank is more sensible.... Hmmm.

I think some of what's getting to me is if I felt like I knew what we were aiming for I'd feel better. It feels like we're just waiting. The government could help by giving us an idea of where we are trying to get to!