The reality of life living with Covid has just really sunk in this weekend, and I am finding it tough tonight.

[Belleende]

In all the ways that matter I am one of the very fortunate ones. Lovely healthy family, I credibly supportive partner, own our wee house, live in a town I love, reasonable job security.

Like many others, i cancelled every holiday we had planned, I made a makeshift office in our bedroom, I became the simultaneous teacher, employee and parent, I stayed home, made the most of our wee garden. I have worried about how and when I might see my elderly parents again. Like everyone else it was hard but had to be done.

We deliberately chose a life full of simple pleasures rather than luxuries. As lock down has eased I am seeing the new reality and many of the things we counted as simple pleasures just aren't pleasurable any more.

Our local farm re opened and it was pretty joyless, lots of queuing in the sun for ages to get five minutes in the playground and then having to carry DD off kicking and screaming, most of the animals not there, no sandpit, no cafe. Left after an hour.

Today DD had her swimming lessons restart. Her dad wasn't allowed to swim in the empty pool, there was no play time before or after the lesson. She really did nt enjoy it.

Local splash Park just doesn't work, if your kid wanders out they have to queue to get back in, try explaining that to a two year old.

Having spent a bit of time this weekend looking at the research and the global experience, this is it for the foreseeable. We are not going back to anything resembling normal for years. For some reasons, it is the loss of these small things that has affected more than anything else. Perhaps the straw that broke the camels back. Added to the increasing liklihood that schools will not be reopening as normal come September, and the feeling of wi ter looming with few options to do stuff with the kids and I am not liking life right now.

Anyone want to join my pity party?

[MoreListeningLessChatting]

Things will get better in time.

Try to focus on the good things, the positives and it will pass. It is different but lots of lovely things to smile about.

Stay positive xx

[thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter]

We haven't experienced much change because we couldn't afford to go anywhere before covid.

[Figgygal]

Same this weekend hit me
Not been “home” to parents and family since Xmas decided to wait until October half term but no confidence that will happen either

I’m bored of my house, walks round the village, hate masks Any joy in shopping has gone not that I need anything because we go nowhere. We did get away for. Few days last week which was lovely but just left me craving more

I’ve been working 10/11 hour days, dh been furloughed so looking after the kids, he’s on reduced pay I was too but now back to full pay. Planning on hibernating and preserving what we can as can see tough times ahead

It feels never ending

[Lovemusic33]

Feeling the same the past few days, going anywhere is no longer fun, I keep trying to tell myself and my kids that “we will get used to the new normal” but how?

I try and appreciate all the lovely things we can still do, we are lucky to live rurally and we can go walking, paddle in the river and exercise without having much contact with people but things like shopping have become something that I dread, I can no longer touch clothes before buying, can’t try things on. I have to remember to take a mask wherever I go, I can no longer just “pop onto a shop” without having to plan first. I miss not being able to meet up with friends for a quiet drink in the pub, can’t just turn up at a pub for a meal and can no longer enjoy a city break.

I guess we just need to adapt to living differently, learn to enjoy different things 🤔

[Echobelly]

I don't actually think it is going to be like this in terms of social distancing for 'years' - another 18 months perhaps but from all I've heard, by end of next year it seems likely there will be enough mitigation in place for it to be 'just another thing'. The beta-interferon treatment, for example, sounds very promising, and it is a known and understood substance for other conditions, so that is something that may lower the threat significantly.

This winter is going to be awful though. I've decided to expect and accept that. I imagine everything will have to shut down again and we will have to stop seeing everyone, and all this with the darkness, the cold, more people losing jobs etc. But I do think that by next spring we will be on the upward climb from the immediate effects of the virus at least, even without a vaccine (which I'm not counting on) and not having to face any shutdown like we have had or may again have this year. I expect we will know a lot more after this winter about things like whether people can catch it again, if the virus is changing, getting stronger/weaker and hopefully the news will be positive.

[Emmie12345]

Why can’t you meet up with friends in the pub? I had a fab night out on Friday with friends in 4 pubs bars was totally normal (better cos table service )

[Didiusfalco]

I feel like I go through ups and downs. Sometimes everything seems boring and pointless but then the tide turns and I find I can take some joy from a good walk or similar. The holidays are tough though, everything I would have done with my kids, the craft, the baking, the walks - we've done it weeks ago. I'm feeling the pressure of the empty days where they want to know what we are doing. I work in a school and I'm hoping the return is going to make things feel more 'normal' for everyone.

[CharlottesComplicatedWeb]

I’m feeling really fucked off with the whole thing. Have done my best to comply. Have worked throughout (food delivery business) and now... if you’re 50+ with a ore existing condition you’ve (potentially) to stay home. So that me. DH and most of my family.

It’s not the 50+ diabetics/asthmatics generally crowding the pubs and beaches. I’m not going back to restaurants. Wine bars. Parties. FFS, are we now to go home and shut the door so youngsters can spend spend spend under Boris Johnson’s “get out there and spend your money” policy?

What a fucking disgrace this Govt. handling has been.

[Greenhats10]

I would like to join. Currently starting our second stint of self-isolation in the space of three weeks and all because my kid has had a fever three weeks ago (covid negative) and another one tonight .....it's bad enough having a sick kid, but this is going to be a long autumn/winter - and am feeling very, very despondent tonight.

This isnt going to go back to normal anytime soon and I would love to have a proper break both from being a WFH employee and honestly a parent from home grown up....need more lazy time of just chilling and finding myself again. This has been relentless and I really dont have it in me tonight

[TheHydrangeas]

I feel the same.

I had not been in a shop since March until this weekend. When shops started to open I thought it was good that everything was getting back to normal. I still felt a little too nervous to go out at first which is why I waited until this weekend, but knowing outside of my bubble of being at home and only leaving the house for walks in the countryside I felt calmer knowing life was starting to return to normal. For example I would see on social media friends had been out for a day of shopping and thought there was some normality.

However the actual reality of it this weekend was just depressing. Queuing to get in, feeling frustrated and anxious when people pass you too closely, wearing a mask which is sweaty and uncomfortable but being too scared to adjust it as your hands are unclean, etc. It was not enjoyable or pleasant at all.

[uniglowooljumper]

@ChubbyPigeon

I think what I am finding tough is just the relentless judgement from others. Relentless control on when i can go to the toilet, put your mask on, keep your distance, sanitise your hands. I feel like Im at school and constantly on edge of being told off, and Im not even purposefully breaking the rules. I just feel on edge all the time

This!

[Allmyfavouritepeople]

I've been better over the weekend but Friday was tough. In a northern area and it was really shit to be told 'this is a minor measure' when the only thing we're bothered about is the one thing we can't do. Also was kicking myself we didn't go away (to the in laws) sooner. That was meant to be our very cheap holiday and so my OH could see her parents. That's cancelled now (or looking extremely uncertain) and seeing lots of FB posts from others who are still away and can still see family is really tough. Much easier to handle when everyone is in the same boat.

However I've come to terms with it over the weekend. It's okay to dwell and let yourself feel sad as long as you don't do it for too long. It is going to be shit for a while and we've got to dig in until it's over.

[Wishihadanalgorithm]

OP, I totally understand what you are saying. I feel a lot of what you are feeling and this is not to do with a lack of resilience or being ungrateful it is to do with the uncertainty that the end isn’t really in sight.

I can look and see that I am in a very fortunate position but in my head I keep thinking, ‘but what if things change and either DP or I lose our jobs?”

Nothing is free and easy as it used to be, nothing is spontaneous and I really miss that. It feels like the world has gone from glorious technicolour to black and white.

[TheoriginalLEM]

I'm struggling - i was meant to qualify as an RVN this year. Im 50 this year and this is a retraining exercise. Its been tough learning again at my age, three years, ive passed all my academic exams but my OSCEs have been postponed indefinitely. It feels like it will never happen.

My DP has (very lucky) just taken on a job partly bevause covid made his business very vulnerable. If lockdown happens again he'll be first out.

DD2 will be going into y11, i can barely encourage her out of the house and school is a bus ride away. Her mental health is suffering.

When this all started i was like, meh, its a bad cold. How wrong was i? Its ruining everything

Fuck you Covid-19 fuck you to hell

[IamHyouweegobshite]

I am struggling, I used to be so confident, wouldn't think twice about popping to the shops, or taking the kids on an outing. I realised today, that I'm actually scared, I have literally gone to our local 2 shops, a friends house. I've not filled the car up since March, I've gone out for one proper countryside walk. I did a lidl shop today with dh, last time I was there was week before lockdown. I should be going to the beach tomorrow with friends, but I'm too worried. Feel totally stupid for stressing so much.

[Whatelsecouldibecalled]

@Coldspringharbour people were allowed to support each other and have tactile human contact during the war though. Tricky comparison

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

I think it's normal and healthy for this to hit hard at times and it's ok just to feel it. So much has been turned upside down.

Sometimes I get massive waves of grief. I know things will be better, but I miss things still.

There are things to be enjoyed still. I've been playing the tourist recently and seeing places that are normally far too crowded to be enjoyed. I'm enjoying sitting out in pub gardens and I'm enjoying just being.

(hot weekend next weekend - get pub garden bookings in pronto!)

It will get better.

[randomer]

OP, its not a pity party. You have done your bit and you try to return to enjoyable activities. Its horrible.

[eeeyoresmiles]

People in the war complained and hated the changes forced on them, and it and it's fine and normal for us to do the same. I think it can still be worth reminding ourselves of the types of changes to normal life they (we, as a country) had to put up with during the wars or previous pandemics though. It can even give a bit of a feeling of solidarity, like the video someone shared the other day showing clips of mums and babies now alongside photos of mums and babies from a hundred years ago during the Spanish flu. They (we) got through it then and we will now too. It won't last forever - I really think the spontaneity and freedom will come back and when they do the awfulness of all of this will fade very quickly. In the meantime it's a head down, grit our teeth, one step at a time type of thing to get through, and it's grim, and also not equally grim for everyone, but it will eventually be in the past.

[IrishMamaMia]

I do agree with lots that has been said here, I'm also someone who likes the little things in life and went through a difficult phase a month or two ago realising these things with booking but am just trying to enjoy what I can do for now and find new little things.
I really liked bringing my small child to extra-curriculars, swimming and football in particular but have just tried to accept they're not an option for me at the moment. This too shall pass I suppose.

[mogloveseggs]

I was quite positive until we were "locked down" again.
Was so nice being able to see parents and have a brew. Now back to hoping it's not raining and we can walk.
Praying Ds cricket/football doesn't get cancelled as it's keeping him going.
As a pp said "this too shall pass" I just hope and pray we all come out of it relatively unscathed

[Ohsuchaperfectday]

Yes op, it's starting to hit home in a big way.
Un mumsnet hugs to all those facing awful times at the moment made worse by covid.

However, I feel very lucky in that where we were, we had good weather and a garden. Our actual house space is small, so breaking out into the garden is always an immense joy in March. Even more so this year!
A winter with covid is not going to be easy.
I've booked loads of museums for August, one every weekend to try and get some stimulus in before more potential lock downs. Also a small stay cation by the sea.

Op I must say, its been far easier for us because our dc are that much older and can amuse themselves well.
My heart has gone out to those with small dc. I couldn't have coped with mine in lock down and nothing open!
Can you stock up on everything you can for winter to keep dc amused!
A good idea someone said with small toddler... Swing in garden under a tarpaulin and slide.

On slightly plus side.. We have to wear masks in side now so maybe that will have impact on infection rates?

[RhubarbTea]

I feel the same.

It's okay to be struggling - it's allowed, it's normal and it's healthy. I've suffered from depression long ago in my late teens and after a bad breakup in my 20s, I thought I was over it but can feel it creeping back which scares the hell out of me. I have had some dark thoughts in the last few weeks.
Social isolation magnifies things times a hundred; it's been the thing I have found hardest. I have seen 3 friends to talk to face to face in about 4 months. Like, not 3 people to meet up with, 3 meetings in total. I have tried to be proactive but I don't know many local people where I am, don't drive and everyone is either having a nervous breakdown too, hibernating or just in full on denial busy mode acting like it's all fine. It's very hard.

I was thinking the other day that I just want to go to sleep and wake up in 5 years when this is all over and I'm not sad any more. But I can't, so I keep going as I'm a lone parent and have to be strong for my DS. I miss my old life so badly and I know we'll hopefully have a close approximation of that again (please God) but it will be a year or two yet, I just have to push through til then. It's shit though. And it's okay to say so, your feelings are valid.

[Babyshambler]

Totally agree OP, I have been feeling the same.

I really made the most of lockdown and am lucky to live in a coastal town with beaches and lots of green areas so could find a lot to do.

As things have started to get "back to normal", I've found myself hating the new regime of all of the old pleasures. Everything feels like so much hassle; so much so, I'd rather not do it. But I also feel like I've exhausted all the walks and bike rides and am just living on this endless loop.

[CharlottesComplicatedWeb]

I’m really hoping the supermarkets will put overhead queuing covers over the car parks. On Friday, it chucked it down all day and I stood in the queue with my mask but no umbrella 🙄(dh had taken it out of the car). I was bloody drenched. Imagine that, in December.