The reality of life living with Covid has just really sunk in this weekend, and I am finding it tough tonight.

[Belleende]

In all the ways that matter I am one of the very fortunate ones. Lovely healthy family, I credibly supportive partner, own our wee house, live in a town I love, reasonable job security.

Like many others, i cancelled every holiday we had planned, I made a makeshift office in our bedroom, I became the simultaneous teacher, employee and parent, I stayed home, made the most of our wee garden. I have worried about how and when I might see my elderly parents again. Like everyone else it was hard but had to be done.

We deliberately chose a life full of simple pleasures rather than luxuries. As lock down has eased I am seeing the new reality and many of the things we counted as simple pleasures just aren't pleasurable any more.

Our local farm re opened and it was pretty joyless, lots of queuing in the sun for ages to get five minutes in the playground and then having to carry DD off kicking and screaming, most of the animals not there, no sandpit, no cafe. Left after an hour.

Today DD had her swimming lessons restart. Her dad wasn't allowed to swim in the empty pool, there was no play time before or after the lesson. She really did nt enjoy it.

Local splash Park just doesn't work, if your kid wanders out they have to queue to get back in, try explaining that to a two year old.

Having spent a bit of time this weekend looking at the research and the global experience, this is it for the foreseeable. We are not going back to anything resembling normal for years. For some reasons, it is the loss of these small things that has affected more than anything else. Perhaps the straw that broke the camels back. Added to the increasing liklihood that schools will not be reopening as normal come September, and the feeling of wi ter looming with few options to do stuff with the kids and I am not liking life right now.

Anyone want to join my pity party?

[elfycat]

Like many I've been making the best of it. Built and planted the spiral herb garden I wanted, and growing veg in the long neglected raised beds.

We tried going to a zoo on Friday - late afternoon when members don't need to book. OK it was incredibly hot and none of us like that but there were so many restrictions. OK I understand why you don't want people up to the glass and peering in - but how else are you supposed to see through on a bright day. I understand why you've shut off the narrow corridor to the aardvarks sleeping area (social distancing wouldn't be possible) but then we can't see out favourite animal. It was also busy and people just don't think through how to move in a crowd. FFS if you're stopping to do something for a minute/chat move to the fucking side of the path so other people can get by and stop standing in a loose group in the middle of the path.

I'd rather just stay at home but I also want to support the zoos. I made sure we ate ice creams and had slushies (and DD1 had a toy cheetah with her money) to 'support' them

On the bright side. I finally, after months of stubborn refusal, got DD2 (9) to willingly do maths and even her hated subject of English. Thank you BBC Bitesize for leaving your lessons up! really scared I've got a future school-refuser on my hands and that was before covid

[LegoMaus]

I’ve never had any friends anyway so I’m not greatly bothered by social distancing. I miss doing activities with DC but apart from that I couldn’t care less.

[Shodan]

I was doing ok - the small pleasures were keeping me going.

Then my DM was taken into hospital, 3 weeks ago today. She'd had a few falls, but was aware and talking. Whilst in hospital, she had a stroke, followed by seizures.

Now she can't speak. She can't eat. She barely responds to stimulus- and when she does, the nurses can't be sure if it's coincidental.

They don't know if she's even aware of what's going on.

And we can't visit. Not even one of us, not even once. We're allowed to do WhatsApp video calls- to a woman who can't even look at the screen.

It's tearing us all up inside. And there's fuck all we can do about it.

Because, you know, COVID.

So yeah. That's the reality of life with COVID.

[Ohsuchaperfectday]

@IamHyouweegobshite

Sorry your so worried its very easy to get closed in on. Have you been shielding or anything?
With proper masks and etticute and gel.. Personally I think it's vital to get out whilst you can. Most places I've been, there are no crowds!

We've had amazing picnics by the local river, and no one near us at all.
I mean people are around but further than 2 meters away.

Every natinal trust place we've been to is also empty pretty much... Very few people, easy to distance.
Hitting shops between 11 and 4, you'll get crowds. Just avoid those times.
It's vital for mental health and wellbeing. I felt very closed in, right at the start. I was so tightly wound waiting for lock down.
I couldn't believe it was taking them so long to do it.... I had to work in busy setting too... I pulled my dc out a week or so before official lock down.

Then, we went to the woods... For a walk. I remember how immensely soul restoring that was. I relaxed and breathed deeply for the first time in weeks. There is a world outside covid and 4 walls. Good luck. Do try and challenge yourself.

[HappySonHappyMum]

Totally with you - still furloughed and expecting to be made redundant. Went shopping today, was joyless, a face masked experience went to the shops I needed things from and straight home. Food shopping is stressful. My 18 y/o is stressed about his A level results and still reeling from being left to his own devices since March. My 15y/o is wondering if she'll be able to start Year 11 and take her GCSEs. No one wants to go out - socialisation has stopped. For me its the drifting aimlessly on without knowing what is going to happen. My whole life is timetabled to fit everything in usually and this is doing my head in.

[Frazzled2207]

I hear you OP. I've been in tears this past few days. I thought things were heading in the right direction but the stats and media say the opposite and we're in GM so now can't visit friends and family. I have said many times to DH I can't cope.
Kids have definitely had it worst of all. My older son is 7 next weekend and has had his party cancelled. He hasn't had much to look forward to. Home school has been a complete disaster. They hate it, I hate it. School has been useless. I have pretty much lost all income (self-employed) - I probably ought to look for a job but seems no point while I have the kids full time with zero options currently for wraparound care IF schools do reopen. I have warned DH that I fear I may have a full-on breakdown if I have to homeschool again from September but am trying to prepare myself mentally for that possibility. I am so worried about my kids, not so much academically but for the social experiences they have missed.
I didn't sign up to any of this.

[Ohsuchaperfectday]

Shodan

That's beyond awful.
Are you not allowed to sheild for 10 days then visit her, or take a test and visit her... Sounds barking mad when rates although rising did drop?
.

Can you wear mask and visor?
Seems very peculiar to ban visits when there are steps you can take to mitigate risk?

[Kez200]

Ive worked throughout. Helping people worse off than me. I never went out much. I was OK.

Now its starting to hit me. My children in early 20s are worried about their jobs. They are too far away to visit, although Im considering it. Not seen them since we visited last December as our April trip was cancelled.

I had to force myself to go shopping as a semi boring task is now officially boring (and annoying with a mask). Ive no objection to wearing a mask at all, but it makes me not want to do things.

Im feeling down too.

[HungryForSnacks]

@ChubbyPigeon

I think what I am finding tough is just the relentless judgement from others. Relentless control on when i can go to the toilet, put your mask on, keep your distance, sanitise your hands. I feel like Im at school and constantly on edge of being told off, and Im not even purposefully breaking the rules. I just feel on edge all the time

Yes I feel like this too. I'm so over people monitoring our behavior. Today we were lining up for an RHS garden and the usher actually asked us to 'close the gap' in the line.

Can you just leave me alone FFS! Of course I'll keep my distance, 2m at a minimum if I can. But being told we were TOO far apart really pissed me off

So over it

[bibbitybobbitycats]

bloodywhitecat and Shodan so sorry you are both going through such difficulties on top of everything else.

OP, it is not a pity party, it is normal to feel like this, despite all the folk on here who say get a grip etc. I have been through some shit in my life and am resilient, but there are days when I have to force myself to get out of bed, get showered and dressed - and it's just me and DH here. How people with children are coping I don't know. I salute each and every one of you. This is such a horrible way to live, but it will end. We have to focus on that. It will end.

[jakeyboy1]

I was starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and had been out a bit locally and it was ok - all a bit alien but good.

Anyway I went out on Friday night to our nearest city with my girlfriends. It was so unpleasant. We booked an expensive restaurant and had a separate area to ourselves. Fine. However we were barked at that we only had 2 hours there - the restaurant area wasn't full at all (yes I know some tables will be left empty but this restaurant also has a whole other floor not in use) and we would have sat there happily and spent all night. Then when we left we had to go through the bar area that was absolutely full of 20-30 year olds not paying any attention to social distancing and trade me really uneasy. Then trying to get in another bar and when we did that was also really busy despite table service. Whole thing was just unpleasant.

Add that to the lack of stuff for the kids to do (especially on rainy days) and it really is depressing all I keep thinking is how long can this go on?

[rc22]

@ChubbyPigeon I'm with you. I was ok in lockdown. Took pleasure in the little things. Read the books I'd meant to read for ages, few netflix marathons, prepared lots of meals from scratch. Now it's started to ease a bit, I can't handle the thought of going back to it. I am teacher and desperately want to go back to work in September and believe kids need to back to school but when they start talking about closing pubs again to allow for this I feel dreadful for those people who have just got their businesses up and running only to be told they may have to close again.

I just can't see an end to it and had this horrible thought it would never end in my lifetime.

[Ohsuchaperfectday]

Frazzled, try and look for school work? Hard to find but there are school jobs that fit in with school hours.
Someone I know has become cook in school because previous lady had to leave because she was shielding vulnerable partner.

Re home school I do think come hell or high water they will force schools back.
But what home schooling did you do? Was he OK student or behind etc.

I understand the pressure on dp to home school esp with utterly crap schools, making out the one phone call a week was a big deal whilst issuing no work!

However, I did only 30 mins per day, + book reading with my dd because she's quite behind.
I think with an average student, just reading and keeping them ticking over with maths tables and basics.... Should be fine at that age?

My dd 7, was basically starting from scratch and on very low reading level.
The best thing we did was subscribe to reading chest which sends out her school book scheme. Thanks to mumsnet, someone reminded me of it.

We've had to go over all English and maths basics. But now that's done, I want to learn fun stuff, like volcanos, history... Science etc..... If however she had been OK and average we would have just trundled on with reading and tables and then fun stuff.

[Ohsuchaperfectday]

Yy, I think I've found the relentless monitoring more hard than almost anything.

Even from friends.... Saying I'm out somewhere.. Then asking how I got there and who with.
Saying going to x... And someone assuming it must have been crowed??

[bibbitybobbitycats]

I just can't see an end to it and had this horrible thought it would never end in my lifetime.

Most pandemics only last a year or two, don't they? Covid 19 may be around for a long time, but it won't always be in a pandemic situation.. My brother delights in telling me the Black Death lasted for 300 years or something. I choose not to listen.

[jessstan2]

Just go back to your wee house and enjoy your wee garden as you were a couple of weeks ago and don't venture out again until there is definitely a new normality.

[itsaratrap]

We’ll all get through this if we’re all sensible. Unfortunately, therein lies the problem,

[Frazzled2207]

@Shodan
I'm so sorry. I really hope you are able to visit your mum soon.

[Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe]

I am with you OP. My time now is spent questioning everything.Its madness.My confidence has taken a nose dive and I am due back at work soon and even thinking of chucking that in, I dont know whats happened to me ...so I will gladly join your pity party whilst trying to sort out my life from here on in!

[AnxiousAlpaca]

Maybe it’s because I don’t have kids but my life feels pretty much normal (besides going to gigs). In the three weeks I’ve had off work I’ve been able to see my parents and gran again (yes it sucks not to hug them but we can go round each others houses now). I’ve been to cafes with friends, I got one of my ear piercings changed, had my hair cut, I’m able to go to the gym again. Shopping in town is fine it just means wearing a mask which I find OK - not great but easy enough to tolerate. Oh and I’m getting a tattoo next week and taking motorcycle lessons.

[alittleprivacy]

Honestly, there is genuinely an extremely, extremely good chance that we will have a vaccine before this winter is over. This is very unlikely to continue for years and years. Odds are, this time next year the worst will be in the past and Covid will have a similar effect on our lives as measles does now.

[beatrixpotterspencil]

so well off, so lucky, so frugal, so sad.

same old.

[ChristmasinJune]

Sorry you feel this way everybody, I think this weekend has been particularly miserable as we all finally acknowledge that numbers are creeping up again. It's a scary, difficult time and the hardest part (for me anyway) is not knowing what the future holds.

However, a few positive thoughts.....

All the new measures, masks, hand gel, distancing etc all feel cumbersome and difficult right now because they're new and we're not used to them. Give it time and they'll become second nature and you'll hardly think about them. Think of it like breaking in a new pair of shoes!

There are huge amounts of positive news if you look for it.....

Several vaccine trials going really well.

Treatments identified and many more being trialled.

We're learning more about the illness every day and the best ways to treat it.

New saliva tests could be a game changer as the faster we get at testing the more efficient we'll be at catching and stopping the virus before it has a chance to spread.

History shows us that pandemics don't last forever and neither will this one.

Chin up, it feels endless now but it'll be a memory before we know it!!

[KenDodd]

I think there'll be a vaccine before the end of the year.

I also hope world leaders (most of them have been bloody useless) have learnt a lesson from covid and when the next virus comes they will take notice, act together, and extinguish it before it can take hold.

[bibbitybobbitycats]

@beatrixpotterspencil

so well off, so lucky, so frugal, so sad.

same old.

So nasty. Why?