The reality of life living with Covid has just really sunk in this weekend, and I am finding it tough tonight.

[Belleende]

In all the ways that matter I am one of the very fortunate ones. Lovely healthy family, I credibly supportive partner, own our wee house, live in a town I love, reasonable job security.

Like many others, i cancelled every holiday we had planned, I made a makeshift office in our bedroom, I became the simultaneous teacher, employee and parent, I stayed home, made the most of our wee garden. I have worried about how and when I might see my elderly parents again. Like everyone else it was hard but had to be done.

We deliberately chose a life full of simple pleasures rather than luxuries. As lock down has eased I am seeing the new reality and many of the things we counted as simple pleasures just aren't pleasurable any more.

Our local farm re opened and it was pretty joyless, lots of queuing in the sun for ages to get five minutes in the playground and then having to carry DD off kicking and screaming, most of the animals not there, no sandpit, no cafe. Left after an hour.

Today DD had her swimming lessons restart. Her dad wasn't allowed to swim in the empty pool, there was no play time before or after the lesson. She really did nt enjoy it.

Local splash Park just doesn't work, if your kid wanders out they have to queue to get back in, try explaining that to a two year old.

Having spent a bit of time this weekend looking at the research and the global experience, this is it for the foreseeable. We are not going back to anything resembling normal for years. For some reasons, it is the loss of these small things that has affected more than anything else. Perhaps the straw that broke the camels back. Added to the increasing liklihood that schools will not be reopening as normal come September, and the feeling of wi ter looming with few options to do stuff with the kids and I am not liking life right now.

Anyone want to join my pity party?

[SimonJT]

It is a bit shitty at times.

We have generally managed fairly well despite bumps along the way.

Today is going to be a bit shit for us, my boyfriend is having major surgery tomorrow to hopefully enable him to have use of one of his hands, he has arthrogryposis and at the minute has essentially no use of his hands. The surgery isn’t available on the NHS so instead he is flying to where he was born to have it done, originally the idea was I would fly out with him today, we would return two days later and he would have intensive daily physio at home.

Obviously that can’t happen as now we would have to quarantine for two weeks so the lack of physio would guarantee the surgery to fail. So now he has to stay on his own in Sweden for what could be weeks and weeks before he comes home, whether or not the surgery works as either way he needs intensive physio after surgery.

He has only just started a new job so he is now on zero pay, I don’t have any childcare for my son so I’m on unpaid leave at the moment. Financially we can manage, but its just another load of pressure we really don’t need.

[okiedokieme]

The key is to adjust expectations and choose activities not affected. I've just spent the week on holiday and only the museum (face mask, timed entry) and closed castle were different. That said bird watching, hiking and sitting on deserted beaches are more solitary to start with. The only difference eating out is the wearing of visors by staff.

Trying to do things which are normally packed is going to be hard for the moment. We are swimming in the sea rather than pool (just ordered wetsuits in preparation for autumn). Admittedly my kids are big but they adjusted to no group activities

[JHaniver]

I feel like so many others, it’s the little things. Like popping into the shop to get the children a magazine or an ice cream as a treat after school or nursery, or deciding to go to the cafe for breakfast, or waking up and deciding to visit a local farm or go on a boat ride or just anything. We can still do these things, but they involve planning and masks and stress trying to get the children to keep their distance and not touch anything.

We had a day out yesterday to a place run by a charity as I wanted to support them. All of the fun activities were closed off and the best bit of the tour can’t happen because of COVID and our view was blocked by plastic screens. The tour guide said they’re facing redundancy. There was only one other family there when usually it would be so busy in the holidays, and seeing that and everyone in masks just made me so sad. I hate this. I want to do all the fun stuff with my children while they’re still little and impressed by everything but it’s not fun anymore. We go to see Santa at the same place every year, I’m gutted it’s probably not going to happen this year.

[okiedokieme]

@talkingkrustydoll

Sorry to hear that, we are battling an eating disorder too, the dr hasn't called it anorexia yet but it's borderline. I'm fortunate to have a great gp and my dm has taken dd in and is trying her best to reverse it before it goes any further (specific trigger in our case). Hope you are getting the help you need

[MinnieMousse]

I've found things are mainly getting back to normal round here. My children's gymnastics classes have restarted and they are doing a summer school for their dancing classes. All the parks round here are open. We can do most of the things we normally do in the summer holidays - go to country parks, a couple of historic properties, etc. Tbh I prefer the reduced numbers with online booking.

I probably feel more positive because I was lucky enough to get away for a week in France and it was just like one of our normal holidays there. We always do outside activities anyway, but most indoor places were open too if you wore masks, which absolutely everyone does.

The hardest thing is not staying with my family, which I would normally do in the summer. It must be very hard to be in one of the places here with localised restrictions. Are playgrounds still open there? It would seem extremely unfair if adults mix with loads of people indoors at the pub but kids can't play outdoors at the park.

[StealthPolarBear]

Yes I agree op, the joy has been sucked out of the little things, and we're in a very fortunate position, I know loads are worse off.
Are we even allowed to meet up with more than one other household at a time yet? For me that's the big difference, just going to my parents' or aunt and uncle's house for a meal with lots of family.

[OhToBeASeahorse]

I know what you mean OP. At the start there was an 'ok, we can get through this' but now it's a bit scary. I have a 2 year old, we are expecting baby number 2 in october. We are having building works done on our kitchen and dining room. Nothing is easy at the moment and I'm so tired of it all.

[ineedaholidaynow]

Unfortunately @StealthPolarBear that is one of the riskiest things for increasing the rate of transmission, if inside, so will be one of the last things on the list of things we can do

[rc22]

I was sad last week for the lovely beautician I go to. She's only young and left a big salon a couple of years ago to go it alone. She set up a lovely little business and has worked so hard. I saw her a couple of weeks ago to have my nails done and she was so excited to be able to start booking facials, brows and lashes. She rang last week to cancel my appointment for brows and was clearly very upset. Her partner had been made redundant shortly before lockdown so has been unable to find anything else.
I think I'm also beginning to fear the effects on the economy more than I fear covid but still passionately feel we must protect the vulnerable. I don't like this government but do feel they're stuck between a rock and a hard place.

[IrenetheQuaint]

@StealthPolarBear

Yes I agree op, the joy has been sucked out of the little things, and we're in a very fortunate position, I know loads are worse off.
Are we even allowed to meet up with more than one other household at a time yet? For me that's the big difference, just going to my parents' or aunt and uncle's house for a meal with lots of family.

This is perfectly legal, as long as there aren't more than 30 of you and you're not in one of the areas with extra restrictions; but I agree with a previous poster that it will probably be against official advice for a while yet.

[BogRollBOGOF]

Some playgrounds haven't reopened at all. Especially some of the village ones run by parish councils who are still hand wringing over the details that can be solved by sticking up a sign with advice, diclaimers and a pathetic capacity for everyone to ignore.

No public swimming accessible for children in my city, or paddling pools, or water play areas, or public toilets.
There is still a lot that is allowed to be open, that simply isn't. We live at the furthest point frm the sea in the UK, and while I've had a wild swim with knowledgable local friends, that's simply reckless for my novice swimming children.

The "what we can do" advice tends to come over as patronising, because that's what we have been doing. Climbing trees in the park wore thin months ago. There simply isn't enough range to keep up interest in the simple, cheap stuff because that's what we've already been doing to cling on to santy for the past 4 months when there were even fewer options to get out. I'm fortunate that we can manage a couple of ££ options per week, many families can't.

I've been known to pack up the basic camping gear and head off to small, local campsites to break up the holidays, but the toileting restrictions make that unfeasible this year.

DS1 has autism and dyspraxia. Many "simple" things like going for a bike ride or doing crafts are difficult because his autistic perfectionism has a very low threshold for his frustration at poor gross and fine motor control. Right at the start, I snoozed half of fb because I struggled seeing all the pretty rainbows, crafts and cakes that saw many families through the first month or so. It's just not worth the inevitable meltdown.

I have the child I have and he's wonderful. Superficially masks as fairly "normal", but the fact that he has those diagnoses means that medical practicioners recgonise that his life has significant impairments in the way he functions. And my heart really goes out to those with the far greater challenges of children with more extensive needs, especially where much needed support and respite has been out of the window. And all the others facing other life problems of ill health, financial problems and bereavement, particularly as the lack of normal options and coping strategies make it all the harder to cope.

It's been helpful that I already sacrificed my career 4 yeara ago because DS could not cope with childcare on top of a school day. Crap for feminism and has its drawbacks for my well being especially as my substitute supports of things like volunteering are still out. But the plus side is that I haven't had the slog of worrying about failing my children/ homeschool/ and remaining competent at work that so many (mainly mothers) have.

I have got perspective in the importance of my whinges; venting them is healthy for mental wellbeing. Supressing it and pretending all is hunkydory because it's a bit less shit than it was a few months ago is dishonest and has a tendency to backfire.

[Athrawes]

I haven't seen my partner since March because he is stuck on the other side of the planet. It's shit.

[Notfeelinggreattoday]

@IrenetheQuaint
I still thought dad only max of 6 outside from different households ?
The 30 only in certain Very limited situatioms and that he even paused this for wedding receptiions ?

[Frazzled2207]

The 6 vs 30 thing
Guidance is 6 people
30 is the law.

[Notfeelinggreattoday]

@Frazzled2207 thank you

[relievedlady]

This weekend for the first time it kind of felt like it used to for us.

We had a hot lunch in a cafe that was immaculately clean and organised and not rammed.

We queued for less time than normal and it was the first time since March we have been able to do that.

We also went into a couple of shops to pick up our Norma monthly bulk buy stuff which we haven't been abled to do since March either.

My dd also had a lesson in her hobby for the first time since March yesterday morning.

It started to feel normal for us and we really enjoyed our day.

I just have an inner worry now that it may step bak again

[Belleende]

And now John Hume is dead, a funeral that would have brought my family back from the four corners of the globe to pay our respects. But that can't happen and he will be robbed of the send off he so much deserves. Today I am officially pissed off.

[Ohnoducks]

@bloodywhitecat I hope you get good news today

[chasegirl]

Feel the same way completely. Starting to feel more down now than I was before. We had summer to look forward to but that's going to change soon.

Its August now, the nights will be drawing in and cooling down soon so any evening outside activities will be more difficult.

As it cools daytime activities will be trickier and then winter will arrive with rain, coldness, other illnesses.

I just can't see any light in the tunnel.

[wentawaycameback]

@bloodywhitecat - I have been thinking of you today. Hope the news is better than you are expecting.
I think we need to keep some perspective. A lot of people on here are moaning about things that do not really matter. We all have our struggles. Many of them made more difficult with covid - however this constant 'things will never be the same again, I can't cope with wearing a mask, I took the kids out and some of the attractions were closed....' hopefully this is just a stream of thought in a posters head that they are putting out on the internet rather than being a real day to day concern.

[Thisdressneedspockets]

I went to two outdoor shopping centres last week. At each place, I found what I needed in the first shop, had a little look in one other, then couldn't be bothered to mask up for any more browsing, so came home. Stopping for a coffee in Starbucks was a joyless exercise too. I couldn't even put my own sugar in my coffee?!
I won't bother with going back to either shipping place for a good while. It doesn't feel worth the petrol or effort.

My favourite independent cafe has put in booths. As I go alone, I'll feel like I'm in an isolation booth, so that's off my list.

Those are small things compared with people dealing with hospitals and people who have small children whose life has changed so much.

[RosieLemonade]

A lot of things people are saying you can’t do you can do? Like you can see your family, you can go out for dinner and drinks, you can go shopping and to the cinema.
Really depressing when people say you can’t be upset about what’s happening if you aren’t dead. There’s a whole lot more to living than being alive.

[wentawaycameback]

There is more to living than being alive. However we are in the middle of a pandemic, some people are really suffering - why is it okay to complain that your favourite cafe or that your local, favourite attraction just arn't the same - and that this is a huge problem. It isnt a huge problem - for goodness sake stop moaning.

[bookworm14]

The worst thing about this whole shitshow - the restrictions, the uncertainty, the anxiety, the joylessness - is that we’re not even allowed to complain without some sanctimonious twat telling us to stop complaining. For god’s sake, this is an anonymous internet forum - are people not allowed to have a bit of a moan?

[labyrinthloafer]

we’re not even allowed to complain without some sanctimonious twat telling us to stop complaining

Please stop moaning about not being allowed to moan