In all the ways that matter I am one of the very fortunate ones. Lovely healthy family, I credibly supportive partner, own our wee house, live in a town I love, reasonable job security.
Like many others, i cancelled every holiday we had planned, I made a makeshift office in our bedroom, I became the simultaneous teacher, employee and parent, I stayed home, made the most of our wee garden. I have worried about how and when I might see my elderly parents again. Like everyone else it was hard but had to be done.
We deliberately chose a life full of simple pleasures rather than luxuries. As lock down has eased I am seeing the new reality and many of the things we counted as simple pleasures just aren't pleasurable any more.
Our local farm re opened and it was pretty joyless, lots of queuing in the sun for ages to get five minutes in the playground and then having to carry DD off kicking and screaming, most of the animals not there, no sandpit, no cafe. Left after an hour.
Today DD had her swimming lessons restart. Her dad wasn't allowed to swim in the empty pool, there was no play time before or after the lesson. She really did nt enjoy it.
Local splash Park just doesn't work, if your kid wanders out they have to queue to get back in, try explaining that to a two year old.
Having spent a bit of time this weekend looking at the research and the global experience, this is it for the foreseeable. We are not going back to anything resembling normal for years. For some reasons, it is the loss of these small things that has affected more than anything else. Perhaps the straw that broke the camels back. Added to the increasing liklihood that schools will not be reopening as normal come September, and the feeling of wi ter looming with few options to do stuff with the kids and I am not liking life right now.
Anyone want to join my pity party?
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The reality of life living with Covid has just really sunk in this weekend, and I am finding it tough tonight.
Belleende · 02/08/2020 18:54
OP I totally get it. It's worn very thin now and I'm not convinced of light at the end of the tunnel. I think it's the lack of spontaneity that's particularly grinding me down now. I had a simple life before but the little things that used to give me it turns out inordinate amounts of pleasure e.g. going to my orchestra, having a chat with the ballet mums once a week, all gone.
It's only in the last week or so now it's the summer holidays so the DCs aren't missing school that I'm feeling any shadow of normality. It's still a shadow of it though.
In the last month we have done some day trippy things like the zoo which has been good.
Sadly, masks put indoor things like museums out because where's the pleasure in strolling around when you can't look at people's half faces, and you're shuffling around trying to focus on keeping your breathing regular. Plus DS1 has autism which opens up a new can of worms... he needs to conciously process expressions that most of us take for granted, so others wearing masks impairs his ability to "read" the world around him.
I can't realistically take them swimming. Out of the 4 nearest public pools probably serving 400,000 people, there are 30 family slots per week where you have to hire half a pool. In the week, it's 5-7pm, hardly filling a good chunk of day time. That's at the one pool offering a family option. 2 are still shut and one is adults lanes only.
We've done one week of the summer holidays and we're already ground down by the previous 4 months. Little fillers like going to the park were exhausted long ago, and we can't pop along to the National Trust, I have to stay up to midnight Fri am to see which slot I can book.
I know it's all first world problems, but it's wearing. Especially when the function of my life has been reduced to bored housekeeper. My volunteering roles that give me purpose and external structure are all on hold. Things like races that motivate me are showing little sign of prompt return.
I suspect it will be a disrupted winter. I'm a SAHM because of DS's autism, and if school bubbles are in and out like the hokey cokey, then it's even less suitable to RTW than ever. Getting DS1 to return to sicial functions like being at school after nearly 6 months off is highly likely to be a challenge...
I think by Easter we will be over the worst and life will increasingly look like a real normal from that point. Ultimately the government know they can't crash the economy with regular, widespread lockdowns. They also won't want to destroy their popularity to make Kier Starmer a clear election winner barely a year after being voted in. While I don't have much faith in their competance, I can put my faith in their own need for self-preservation 
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