Your most ridiculous mum shaming moment/advice

[anotherpostanothernamechange]

I'm a mum of 2 (dd3 and ds 6 months) so it's safe to say in the past 4 years I've had some bat shit crazy advice & judgements both from well meaning people and absolute nutters.

At the weekend DSil, who is early twenties with no kids decided to take the absolute biscuit. She tried to start a 'discussion' (she's one of them who thinks she knows everything and will not be told otherwise) about my baby wearing nappies.
Not trying to shame me for using disposables or for using reusable but for just using nappies in general.
WTF.
Telling me how uncomfortable it must be for the baby and that obviously thousands of years ago people got by without them. No wonder he has nappy rash (well yeah, that sometimes happens but you know, better than being covered in his own piss and poop)

At the time I was busy and only half paying attention but it's just popped back in to my head and I can't stop laughing. So go on, cheer me up with your most ridiculous pieces of judgement and advice

A family member told me I should stop breastfeeding my then 1 month old DD as I was being selfish and that DD would become far too attached to me and prefer me to other people

She also told me I should have DD in her own room from birth and when I told her that I wanted her near so I knew she was ok was told that’s what baby monitors are for and that I was making a rod for my own back. I tell her with great delight every time she asks if DD is in her own room yet that no she’s still no only in my room but still in my bed at 20 months. She always pulls a face and exclaims “Still??” I’m tempted to keep it going as long as possible just to annoy her

That ds would be going to hell if I didn't get him christened. Then said woman failed to get her own ds christened silly moo

I should add though she was actually right. DD does prefer me to other people and I have made a rod for my own back not putting DD in her own room. But it’s my rod and my back and frankly none of her business!

Oh and she also told me that if I ever had another child I would need to embrace my labour. My labour was apparently over 30 hours as I was subconsciously holding my baby in whereas hers was only 4 hours as she embraced her labour properly

@Sevo7 how dare you nurture your child, you selfish monster!
Oh they'd love me then, dd3 is still in my bed most nights (even though she has the nicest room in the house) and I plan on letting it carry on for as long as she wants. They're only little for so long!

I remember when I first had dd and she was really struggling to latch. The community midwife, breastfeeding consultant and my dp were all crowded round me in the living room with my tits flopped out and trying all sorts to get dd to latch. My dm walked in and then back out because she couldn't believe my "lack of dignity"
Hated to be the one to tell her but that went out the window a long time ago!

Op, someone recommended I look at the "nappy free baby" website. Honestly I thought it was satire. One memorable quote from it - all babies are born with the innate ability not to soil themselves.
Oh really? I was roused from sleep on the first night of ds1's life by him merrily soiling himself. Didn't even wake up, bless him.

I think my mum was more emotional than I was after my twins were born.

I remember her gently dabbing her eyes and pondering why they weren’t sleeping through the night in their own cots and own room....at six weeks old. They were 4 weeks early so only two weeks old corrected, they actually slept through at about 4 months but come on!

@Witchofzog that one always baffles me! Do these people actually believe in a god that will send innocent children to hell because their parents didn't let them get dunked in some holy water?! I come from a very strong catholic family and I just remove myself from these conversations these days. Although tbf, I do think that if DD walked on to holy ground, she'd probably go up in flames

Brb, off to check the nappy free baby website

[quote anotherpostanothernamechange]@Witchofzog that one always baffles me! Do these people actually believe in a god that will send innocent children to hell because their parents didn't let them get dunked in some holy water?! I come from a very strong catholic family and I just remove myself from these conversations these days. Although tbf, I do think that if DD walked on to holy ground, she'd probably go up in flames [/quote]
She wasn't even religious. That was the worst thing. She was just a nasty piece of work who liked to make awful comments to people

My (male) friend laughing at the fact I had an emergency c section after hearing another friend gave birth with just gas and air. ‘Haha and you had to be put to sleep’ me ‘no I was awake’ Him ‘you were numb from the waist down though weren’t you, just lying there hahaha’..Seriously like I was pathetic for having a c section, not sure I can ever get over that judgement!

Well I think this review pretty much summarises what I think of

I was told that I should not still be bfing ds1 aged 2 because he would become too attached and never be independent, especially as he is a boy.

The priceless thing about it is that that was said to me by an obgyn, who I had never consulted about that in any way and who had no knowledge of ds’ medical history - and that his paediatric gastro had recommended I bf him for as long as I could.

Baby led potty training.

Pressed post too soon

Health visitor one year check - when she asked how much milk DD was having I couldn't give exact amount (still breastfeeding). She asked if DD was on cow milk yet, I replied no she doesn't seem to like the taste of it, always spits it out whenever it's offered. Apparently this made me a negligent mother - if DD didn't like the taste of cow milk I should add nesquick to it so she's get used to it. When I said I'd rather not feed my baby milkshakes I was glared at.

It's over a decade ago but I'm still fuming. I still wish I'd raised a complaint but at the time she'd made me doubt myself so much I didn't want other people knowing in case they agreed with her.

@Rocksandstones

My (male) friend laughing at the fact I had an emergency c section after hearing another friend gave birth with just gas and air. ‘Haha and you had to be put to sleep’ me ‘no I was awake’ Him ‘you were numb from the waist down though weren’t you, just lying there hahaha’..Seriously like I was pathetic for having a c section, not sure I can ever get over that judgement!

Okay, that's bad! As if it's not bad enough that he thought these things, he also thought it was a good idea to actually voice them! Words fail me.

My labour was 30 hours long because I was subconsciously holding the baby in what the actual fuck? Because you wanted the worst pain in the world to go on forever obviously wow.

Op: note to self- don't offer to hold dsil's future first baby until checking her stance on nappies first. Nothing messier than those first meconium poos

I had a friend who did the nappy free thing, it sounded great but every time her dd was at mine she’d wet herself (she was about 2 by then) until eventually her older sister explained that you had to put her on the potty every half an hour or so.

I just had lots of spare knickers for when she came to mine.

I was told that I should not still be bfing ds1 aged 2 because he would become too attached and never be independent, especially as he is a boy.

Ahh that good old toxic masculinity getting drilled in to kids from a young age! Never mind that it's the best thing for him, don't want a 2 year old boy to be attached to his mum

Most of mine were total strangers making nasty remarks about me formula feeding, including, bizarrely, a man in a park who said he was a recently arrived asylum-seeker and was spreading the love by asking why I wasn’t ‘doing it properly’. I was blamelessly feeding my very new DS on a bench, very sad that after eight weeks of trying, my supply never got beyond a trickle. I remember that it was the day Mo Farah won his first gold at the London Olympics, and I was still upset watching him on tv.

Oh, and a friend of a friend at a dinner party who, when someone asked me what hospital I’d given birth in (I’d had a CS) said ‘I’m going to have to correct you there — you didn’t “give birth”’.

@Cupidity okay, that is batshit! Did she recommend what flavour to give her or was you just meant to try her on them all to see which one she took to?

"My baby's very calm because we had a hypnobirthing birth. I'm guessing you didn't?"

Last time I met said calm baby he had a thing about headbutting passers by.

My first DC was seven weeks early and quite poorly in NICU. I was beside myself with worry and feeling helpless. I’d not been able to produce any milk, but kept trying hourly with the breast pump around the clock, as I felt so guilty and ashamed that I couldn’t do anything to help her, wasn’t providing the precious milk etc.
After a few days some milk came out! Probably about a cm in the bottom of the bottle, but I felt so pleased I finally had something to give her. I returned to NICU and presented it to the nurse who laughed and said, “Is that all?!” and pointed to the woman in the next incubator and said that she had already filled a full shelf in the freezer with her milk. I have never felt shame and humiliation like it.

@SmileyClare both of my kids first poops weren't contained by their nappies so I dread to think of what her kids will be like! I still struggle now to find time in the day to shower, imagine how much you'd be in there with babies just pooping and peeing freely!

@SmileyClare

My labour was 30 hours long because I was subconsciously holding the baby in what the actual fuck? Because you wanted the worst pain in the world to go on forever obviously wow.

Op: note to self- don't offer to hold dsil's future first baby until checking her stance on nappies first. Nothing messier than those first meconium poos

She was an absolute nob head. It was all said with a preen like she was a super birther.