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Original poster

Your most ridiculous mum shaming moment/advice

136 replies

anotherpostanothernamechange · 29/07/2020 21:38

I'm a mum of 2 (dd3 and ds 6 months) so it's safe to say in the past 4 years I've had some bat shit crazy advice & judgements both from well meaning people and absolute nutters.

At the weekend DSil, who is early twenties with no kids decided to take the absolute biscuit. She tried to start a 'discussion' (she's one of them who thinks she knows everything and will not be told otherwise) about my baby wearing nappies.
Not trying to shame me for using disposables or for using reusable but for just using nappies in general.
WTF.
Telling me how uncomfortable it must be for the baby and that obviously thousands of years ago people got by without them. No wonder he has nappy rash (well yeah, that sometimes happens but you know, better than being covered in his own piss and poop)

At the time I was busy and only half paying attention but it's just popped back in to my head and I can't stop laughing. So go on, cheer me up with your most ridiculous pieces of judgement and advice

OP posts:
Limpshade · 30/07/2020 04:34

Some of these are Shock

Mumoblue · 30/07/2020 04:46

I had awful hyperemesis in my pregnancy, and went from eating as healthy as possible to basically eating whatever I could keep down, on my doctor's advice.
A coworker saw what I had bought in for my lunch, and said in the most condescending voice "Is that what you're having for lunch? Not very healthy, is it?". I explained about hyperemesis and how I know it's not healthy but it's all I can keep down. She nodded and acted like she understood and then made the same comment a week later.
I had already been struggling with guilt from eating unhealthy things, and she just made it worse.

I suppose the one upside of raising a new baby in quarantine is that it does minimise the dumb advice you get from strangers.

ItWasNotOK · 30/07/2020 04:53

"I suppose the one upside of raising a new baby in quarantine is that it does minimise the dumb advice you get from strangers."

Exactly! I had my baby just as this broke out and I am honestly almost glad. If people message me about him, I keep it very brief and try to change the subject. I definitely never mention any issues he has with sleep/eating/crying/whatever apart from to the one friend who I know will just sympathise and not give me shitty advice.

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ItWasNotOK · 30/07/2020 04:56

I can't really remember anything really specific or bad that I've had but we don't have lockdown here (not UK) and basically every time anyone saw me out with the baby, it was "omg you can't go out with a baby right now very very dangerous" and anytime I didn't go out for a bit, I would get texts saying "you must go out with the baby for your mental health".

I really really wish people would just accept that I am a grown woman and I can make my own choices. They might not be what others would do and they might not be the right ones, but unless they are actively dangerous (a woman once told me that my baby was not placed correctly in the carrier and I'm ok with being told that kind of thing), people need to mind their own business. Pregnant women should eat healthily? No way, I never heard that!?!??!

ItWasNotOK · 30/07/2020 05:02

"and a friend of a friend at a dinner party who, when someone asked me what hospital I’d given birth in (I’d had a CS) said ‘I’m going to have to correct you there — you didn’t “give birth”’

I honestly do not understand what the fuck is wrong with some people.

Sailfin · 30/07/2020 05:21

The Bounty woman asked me how I'd given birth and I told her I'd had an emergency section. She opined that it was terrible that so many babies born via section.

Mind you, she did seem a bit thick.

jessstan2 · 30/07/2020 05:22

@whereistherum

My mother was very upset about the fact I didn't get DS christened, so she did it in the bath the first chance she got.

She has been a catholic for over 75 years, so I have no idea why she thinks that would work, but she stopped mentioning it afterwards. {

On the other side of the coin, when I was pregnant I asked a friend about childbirth and her reply was its all different for everyone, have a simple plan (mine was give birth, any difficult no needles or surgery unless its necessary) she has had four kids with no pain relief the last one was the only one were she had to. Her plan was, give me what works

I'm a Catholic (lapsed), anyone can baptise in certain circumstances. Trust me, your son is baptised!

Your friend was right about childbirth, there is no one size fits all.

DHW1 · 30/07/2020 06:05

Some of these stories are Shock... my SIL is one of these know it alls whose kid did everything super early, honest her DS came walking out of the womb with a top hat swinging a cane Hmm (she forgets I’ve been with my DH over 10 years and know what her child did and the relative timelines but nm). I get loads of lectures which used to upset me but now just annoy me... latest one her child was fully potty trained at 13 months, so why isn’t everyone elses... her method of teaching for potty training just put boxers on DS and let him pee and poo himself as he’d soon get sick of being dirty...

DHW1 · 30/07/2020 06:11

Also the competition of natural birth vs c-section... friend outright told me hers must have been more painful than mine because she had a c-section... my reply both births are painful, in different ways, and a trauma on the body and its not a competition!

OxenoftheSun · 30/07/2020 06:27

@whereistherum, @jessstan2 is right. Lay people can baptise in certain circumstances, though for it to be fully licit under canon law, the baby would have to be considered in danger of death.

For what it’s worth, I’m pretty sure my MIL will have done similarly the first time she had thirty seconds alone with DS when he was a baby.

ItWasNotOK · 30/07/2020 06:31

"her method of teaching for potty training just put boxers on DS and let him pee and poo himself as he’d soon get sick of being dirty..."

To be fair, a lot of people use that method as it works quickly for many children especially as a last ditch effort, but also in different cultures.

vampirethriller · 30/07/2020 06:37

After three days in labour with sepsis and pre eclampsia followed by an emergency section and my daughter being born with sepsis, my father said "Well be thankful you didn't have to do it the hard way."

DHW1 · 30/07/2020 06:48

@ItWasNotOK yes as a last ditch effort but she is suggesting I do this for my just turned 1 year. I don’t think this any different to a nappy for a 13 month old.

PopsicleHustler · 30/07/2020 06:53

We are a muslim family . So I have people rambling on about the fact my children are missing out because they dont eat pork or celebrate Christmas.

Like as if they're going to die , if they dont eat pork. Please grow up.

ContessaferJones · 30/07/2020 07:36

@PopsicleHustler

We are a muslim family . So I have people rambling on about the fact my children are missing out because they dont eat pork or celebrate Christmas.

Like as if they're going to die , if they dont eat pork. Please grow up.

But bacon is life, PopsicleHustler!!

Disclaimer: my father is Muslim and I grew up in the Middle East. Also, now vegan Grin

Seriously though, that must be extremely irritating for you....

Sailfin · 30/07/2020 08:12

Know it all SIL told me to get my newborn (born mildly premature and

Sailfin · 30/07/2020 08:14

Oops SIL told me to get my newborn into a routine. He was mildly premature and was ill. He'd just come out of SCBU. I had also been ill.

She smugly told me her baby slept through from three weeks old.

I was so upset. My baby didn't sleep through for months which is completely normal.

Sailfin · 30/07/2020 08:16

Popsicle - this regular happens to friends of my. They are Orthodox Jews.

Badassmama · 30/07/2020 08:20

My MIL. She means well but by the time he was 2 months she kept going on about how “she expects I’ll be weaning at 4 months” or “she expects I’ll not be bf much longer”, this is always the way she phrases things so it’s not her telling you what to do, just subtly manipulating and confirming her belief that her way is best..when I was having trouble getting bf established right at the beginning after c section and feeling like a failure she just kept saying “well it’s great that he’ll take a bottle so we can all have a turn”. also things like I made up a song about stinky frogs for my son (which he loves!) and the first time She heard it she said “oh that’s a horrible song, we don’t like that LO do we!” And telling me his Rolling Stones t shirt was “scarey”.
Joke is on everyone else- I’m still bf him at 12 months now he is A super big, strong and healthy boy who I did BlW with at 6 months and he tries everything. The stinky frog song is also the only way to get him to stay still for a nappy change!

Dogsaresomucheasier · 30/07/2020 08:20

My in-laws cancelled their Boxing Day drink with the neighbours because they were embarrassed that I was still breastfeeding a two year old who would march up to me and ask for boobies. He continued nursing until he was four.

Yankathebear · 30/07/2020 08:35

That by having a pushchair that faced me would mean that ds would never talk. He was 1.
Using a sling meant that I was spoiling him and he would be unable to form relationships.

These were both my mum. I’m sure I’ll remember others later.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 30/07/2020 08:48

I was told by a (non Brit) neighbour that if I kept on carrying my toddler when pregnant, my baby would be born with a broken arm.

By another ditto that if I went swimming when pregnant ‘your bones will open and you’ll lose the baby.’ 😂

And by the first, that I ‘must’ start potty training at 12 months. Interesting that her dd (same age as mine) was reliable no sooner, and in the meantime there had been hundreds of accidents to clean up.

Mamette · 30/07/2020 08:52

I have a friend who practiced elimination communication (EC) with her first baby. This means you spend every nanosecond of your life obsessing about your baby’s poos, holding the tiny baby over a potty after every feed and boring the arse of all your friends about how wonderful you are.

I went to her house for lunch with DS1 & 2, who at the time were 22m and 4m, and both in nappies. Friend began a loud rant about how her DS (about 9m) had done a poo for the first time ever in his nappy and how DISGUSTING it was and how it offended her eyes and all her senses, and how she couldn’t EVER cope with poos in nappies every day. I just sat there silently, I had been looking forward to the lunch as a chance to swap stories etc., I was a bit isolated around that time.

After all that I don’t this EC even worked particularly well as her DS went through a months-long phase of pooing in his pants every day when he was about 3.5. Almost as if once he got a bit of independence he decided not to communicate his imminent eliminations Hmm

MellowMelly · 30/07/2020 09:16

I got told by a family member that it was ‘disgusting’ and ‘perverted’ to still be breast feeding my 18 month old.

sashh · 30/07/2020 09:16

What a lovely manager. I love this part of the story

I thought that. I also thought he shuld get a Norman award, we have not had them for a while.

One from an ex boyfriend (was quite young but still) "Why do babies need nappies, can't you train them to a tray like a cat?"

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