Your most ridiculous mum shaming moment/advice

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I'm a mum of 2 (dd3 and ds 6 months) so it's safe to say in the past 4 years I've had some bat shit crazy advice & judgements both from well meaning people and absolute nutters.

At the weekend DSil, who is early twenties with no kids decided to take the absolute biscuit. She tried to start a 'discussion' (she's one of them who thinks she knows everything and will not be told otherwise) about my baby wearing nappies.
Not trying to shame me for using disposables or for using reusable but for just using nappies in general.
WTF.
Telling me how uncomfortable it must be for the baby and that obviously thousands of years ago people got by without them. No wonder he has nappy rash (well yeah, that sometimes happens but you know, better than being covered in his own piss and poop)

At the time I was busy and only half paying attention but it's just popped back in to my head and I can't stop laughing. So go on, cheer me up with your most ridiculous pieces of judgement and advice

A midwife told me the reason my 3 week old dd wasn’t latching properly was because I’d been ill and I needed to tell her I was better now and ready to feed. Apparently it was all my fault.

She actually had tongue tie, but yeah let’s just pretend a tiny baby understands language 😡 fabulous way to make a new mother feel inadequate.

Oh and I doubt anyone would dare tell me I hadn’t given birth as I had sections, but if they did they would certainly regret it! What absolute shite.

This isn't mine but it makes me smile because it is batshit but also harmless:

My friend asked her health visitor if it was normal that her six week old seemed to randomly stare at nothing. Her health visitor told her this was normal and they all do it (all good so far) - because babies are 'closer than us to the spirit world since they've just come from it' and so can see things we can't...!

My mum maintains that my dd didn't sleep through the night until aged 3 years because I used a sling when she was a baby.

Newly returned to work after having youngest DC, & I was on some compulsory training about childrens' safeguarding. The trainer said that all mothers who had PND neglected their babies, & was adament this was a fact.

That really hurt because I'd had PND, but no one had felt we needed referring to safeguarding. This "fact" has never been brought up at any safeguarding training I've done since.

What made the day worse was that we had to do an ice-breaker activity, & my partner, on learning how I'd just come back from mat leave, followed it up with how she didn't approve of working mothers. I wish I'd complained.

Suffered from depression for 6 years. DC early primary at time. My (definitley not darling in any way mother) said to me when I told her I was going to therapy and onmedication. .. "I had 4 of you on my own you never heard me complain".

This was the same woman who when I was 14 and brushing my hair to go to the shops said "don't know why you're bothering no one will be looking at you"

I'm 47 now and these comments are engraved on my brain

Christ, some of these are bat shit! I wonder what goes on in people's minds when they form these opinions and then think it's a good idea to actually open their mouths and speak them out loud. Are they expecting people to thank them for this nonsense?

@northernbelle84

"My baby's very calm because we had a hypnobirthing birth. I'm guessing you didn't?"

Last time I met said calm baby he had a thing about headbutting passers by.

I must admit I love it when ultra smugness gets rewarded like this. 🤣

A member of staff asked me to cover up when feeding ds2 at post natal clinic. When I said no, she got a sheet and tried to physically cover us herself. When I told her to stop, she lectured me about how people might find it uncomfortable to see me feed my baby. Because I am a bit of a twat, for weeks every time I walked past the building the clinic was held in I would sit on the carpark wall and feed ds2 just to make a fucking point.

@Iwalkinmyclothing

A member of staff asked me to cover up when feeding ds2 at post natal clinic. When I said no, she got a sheet and tried to physically cover us herself. When I told her to stop, she lectured me about how people might find it uncomfortable to see me feed my baby. Because I am a bit of a twat, for weeks every time I walked past the building the clinic was held in I would sit on the carpark wall and feed ds2 just to make a fucking point.

I nominate you for Queen

Just remembered another one, from my dad: You mustn't stand your newborn DS up (i.e.letting him 'stand' and push off my stomach with his feet) as he will get bandy legs. Also, you mustn't let him have a fan pointed at his stomach as he will catch a chill. Mind you in his country they wrap babies up in 13 layers in 40 degree heat so IDK!!

My sister told me DSs Peppa Pig obsession was caused by my lazy parenting style. It was neglect to let any child have screen time. Her DC would only ever have books when she starts a family.

Years later, her DS needs an ipad in the car or he'll scream to the point where he'll vomit of he doesn't have it. He'll also make himself sick if he doesn't have control of the TV at home. Meals out he sits with a phone and will sit in the trolley with a phone so she can food shop on peace.

My DGM told me my newborn DCs nose was too flat and wide so I should regularly give it a little squeeze between my fingers to elongate it as he grows.
She said that's what her late DF did to her when she was a baby to fix her flat wide nose but he did it too much which is why her nose is so long and pointy now
Just smile and nod.

@SmileyClare Brilliant! I just inhaled my coffee at that! What?

@ConcetricCircles Sincerest condolences

That I should be going out to lunch at 5 days post section or I would mean I was depressed. This was after I had said I my plans were to stay in bed, breastfeed, bond and eat chocolate for a couple of weeks.

She was aghast that I would do such a thing. Said it was a sure sign of mental illness to want to “lock mussel away”.

She was a fucking midwife.

*lock myself away

I used to get lots of remarks about how the mum of 'that child' in the playground clearly didn't care about him - because D's from the time he could crawl would spend half an hour carefully assessing a new playground, then deliberately and carefully climb to the top of the tallest structure with a crowd of performance mummies gasping in shock.

He had a great time and never fell.

I'd mastered 'fuck-off face' with dc2 but I recall some twat yelling at us on a bus when I was helping ds to a seat instead of holding the buggy, then shouting because I left ds sitting next to a stranger while I held said buggy... Got off the bus along with a woman in a niqab, who pointed at her face veil and said "get one of these, it really stops idiots talking at you!" I was sorely tempted - I wonder if face masks are stopping stupid strangers now?

Though winner of the tactless competition is probably the nurse who told my mum (who'd given birth prematurely) if I wasn't baptised, I wouldn't live through the night. Mum is still furious 40 years later.

My mum, typically known for always saying the wrong thing, came to the hospital about 12 hours after I’d given birth to twins. I hadn’t slept in 3 days (long induction), I’d had a traumatic assisted delivery (resulting in episiotomy), one of my twins was in NICU and I had only glanced at her since giving birth as I was on the special care ward with the other twin...full of hormones....you get the picture. My mum turns up asking why I don’t look ‘happy’ and asking whether I had post natal depression...
If I ever said something like ‘I’ve been awake all night with the twins’ she tried to give me advice like I’m doing something wrong.

@ConcentricCircles I'm so sorry to read that.

@vampirethriller

After three days in labour with sepsis and pre eclampsia followed by an emergency section and my daughter being born with sepsis, my father said "Well be thankful you didn't have to do it the hard way."

Good God.

I struggled to BF DD and ended up FF on midwife advice. I had just assumed I would BF, tried very hard, felt (and still feel) that I failed, and failed her.

At a post natal group during which we had all fed at some point, with me the only one to produce a bottle, someone looked around and said very smugly, isn't it wonderful how many of us are choosing to do the best for our babies and BF.

One of the others congratulated me later for not punching her.

My mother's sister-in-law's sister: "the reason you keep miscarrying is because you need to do novenas"
Well, that's the last time I fucking tell DM anything then.

Being told to get cracking on a sibling for DS - often when I was having one of said miscarriages.

Mil threatened to call social services because i didnt put a hat on my 6 week old. In august. In a heatwave. Oh and i shouldnt open windows either because someone will sneak in and steal my baby. We live in a fourth floor flat.

We never spoke again after that visit so actually turned out well for me!

Yes my mum arrived after I had dc3. I'd just been stitched up in theatre after a very traumatic birth. She asked how I was feeling. I said 'delicate'. She said 'oh dear, in what way? Do you feel tearful?'.
No mum, I've just been literally ripped apart and sewn back together, a few hours ago. I can't move.