Your most ridiculous mum shaming moment/advice

[anotherpostanothernamechange]

I'm a mum of 2 (dd3 and ds 6 months) so it's safe to say in the past 4 years I've had some bat shit crazy advice & judgements both from well meaning people and absolute nutters.

At the weekend DSil, who is early twenties with no kids decided to take the absolute biscuit. She tried to start a 'discussion' (she's one of them who thinks she knows everything and will not be told otherwise) about my baby wearing nappies.
Not trying to shame me for using disposables or for using reusable but for just using nappies in general.
WTF.
Telling me how uncomfortable it must be for the baby and that obviously thousands of years ago people got by without them. No wonder he has nappy rash (well yeah, that sometimes happens but you know, better than being covered in his own piss and poop)

At the time I was busy and only half paying attention but it's just popped back in to my head and I can't stop laughing. So go on, cheer me up with your most ridiculous pieces of judgement and advice

Well I am now a great grandma but I can remember the advice I was given from so called experts when my two were babies.
MIL told me to get them on gravy and mashed potatoes as soon as three months old otherwise they will be never on proper food. My mother advised me to put a couple of drops whiskey in the last bottle at night and the baby will let you sleep till morning.Also hold them over the potty after every feed they will soon get the feel of it and know what to do.It is dreadful having a baby in nappies at two years old.I was apparently fully potty trained just after my first birthday.I must have had the potty permanently attached to me or plonked on it every ten minutes.
When my grandchildren were born and my great grandchildren I struggled to hold my tongue! but was itching to pass on ''advice'' but had to admit times had changed.

In a reverse of a lot of these, a (generally lovely) friend of mine gave me a big speech when I was pregnant with DS about how the only reason I hadn't insisted on an elective caesarean was internalised misogyny and that it was ridiculous that I was 'willingly letting myself be butchered and depriving myself of a sex life' She also told me, while I was breastfeeding DS, that breastfeeding is a modern way of enslaving women and that there is no medical evidence at all that it is beneficial to babies. Her and her DH are planning to TTC next year and I'm genuinely quite interested to see if she continues to think all this.

OhhPeee you poor thing. I couldn't feed my first and was told You're over engorged! Go and express it in the side room. I couldn't even get half a cm out and remember crying, thinking well if this pump isn't broken my boobs must be faulty.

That my baby was behind because by 6m her dad was using a full set of cutlery proficiently (bollocks). That my other child at 12m was rude because she hadn’t learnt how to say thank you yet.

I think people just forget what happens at different ages and put standards on small children that are not obtainable at their age.

A woman at the supermarket checkout (was there very early one morning with non sleeping first DS) advised a bottle full of custard and making him really, really warm to get him to sleep. Very hot room, Wrapping him in one of my old t shirts m. He was 4 months at the time.

Also SIL trying to give me advice on and telling me I was breastfeeding incorrectly when she had never breastfed 🤷‍♀️

The no nappy thing is hilarious 😂

@OxenoftheSun oh no that's awful! Why do these people think they have any right to an opinion on how you're feeding your baby.

And as for the woman at the dinner party, I'd have thrown food at her, horrible witch! Both my dc were csection and between the recovery from surgery, and the fact that you know, a newborn had left my body and entered the world, it certainly seemed like giving birth to me!

@Sailingblue

That my baby was behind because by 6m her dad was using a full set of cutlery proficiently (bollocks). That my other child at 12m was rude because she hadn’t learnt how to say thank you yet.

I think people just forget what happens at different ages and put standards on small children that are not obtainable at their age.

Oh yes, DS is just turned two and as far as I can tell (and according to what nursery say) his speech is average to maybe a bit above average for his age. MIL expressed concern because by his age DH was talking in completely developed, adult-style 'mother could I possibly trouble you for just a smidgen of juice?' type sentences. Uhuh, sure he was. But then my mum insists I taught myself to read aged three, which I'm reasonably sure is bollocks but DS will presumably be expected to live up to this, too!

[quote anotherpostanothernamechange]@Witchofzog that one always baffles me! Do these people actually believe in a god that will send innocent children to hell because their parents didn't let them get dunked in some holy water?! I come from a very strong catholic family and I just remove myself from these conversations these days. Although tbf, I do think that if DD walked on to holy ground, she'd probably go up in flames [/quote]
No most Christians do not believe in such a vengeful God, nor is it Christian teaching or doctrine.

@northernbelle84

"My baby's very calm because we had a hypnobirthing birth. I'm guessing you didn't?"

Last time I met said calm baby he had a thing about headbutting passers by.

This made me do a funny sounding cackle! Dp has just come to check I wasn't drowning in the bath

@Rocksandstones seriously fuck him!!! Who the fuck does he think he is, that comment has given me so much rage on your behalf! I hope he's not in your life anymore.

This wasn't advice but just a really weird comment from an uncle.

At his house Infront of all my cousin's, no other parents around funnily enough (I had ds1 when I was 18 and I was very shy at the time) he asked what was labour like, was it like squeezing out the biggest jobby I've ever done. At the time I didn't know what to say. I'm not shy anymore and now if I was asked that I would answer "no it was like pushing a human out of my vagina. Have you ever pushed a human out of your vagina?". I would pay to see his face now with a comment like that. They were pretty religious and didn't like anything "vulgar".
My mum and dad would have ripped his head off if I told them that.

One of my close friends couldn't get her head around why people put on more weight than just the weight of the baby during pregnancy. When I told her I was pretty impressed I'd only put on 2 stone during my pregnancy she was like "but the baby only weighed 7 pounds??"

@SirGawain no I wasn't saying that most Christians do, I'm one myself. I just meant the ones that spout this rubbish about children going to hell, do they actually believe these things and if so, why would you want to worship a god that you believe would do this!

My 2 are yet to be christened and when certain family members have started on this with me, I just simply reply that the god I believe in wouldn't do that so it's not a problem

"Go easy on chinese take away, it can make your baby gay." This was given to me at a bus stop by an old lady. I had no response.

"You have to get him off that asap" re my bf son, aged 4 months.

My mother said I started learning the alphabet at 18 months and could read by 2. Sadly neither of my children have been geniuses like me she was a bit batshit tbf.

@Witchofzog- that’s just reminded me about another crazy in-law! DD due date was actually my birthday and crazy in-laws was 3 days before that. She was constantly telling people that DD would arrive on her birthday and it would be really special etc, I think being born on my birthday would be more special but whatever

When her birthday arrived and I still hadn’t gone into labour she told my MIL I was holding the baby in on purpose just so she could be born on my birthday and not hers As it happened DD was actually 10 days late and an emergency Caesarian because I got stuck at 4cm which I’m sure if I asked crazy in-law would be my fault for holding the baby in too long

@CostaCosta

"Go easy on chinese take away, it can make your baby gay." This was given to me at a bus stop by an old lady. I had no response.

"You have to get him off that asap" re my bf son, aged 4 months.

Hahahaha this is one of my favourites! Looks like both of my kids will be flying the rainbow flag if that's true, i practically survived my first pregnancy on soft noodles and Sui mai

Oh good grief.

I was sitting in a cafe and formula feeding DC1 as I had no milk after c section and had been in hospital and ICU for 2 weeks after birth and then been in hospital for a further two weeks (had a blood transfusion etc) and a man lent over me and was ranting at me that I failing my own child and how she wouldn't bond with me as it was "crappy formula crap".and I was poisoning her and a "crappy mother". I will forever be grateful to the manager (male) who came and removed him from shouting in my face. He stood in between us and slowly moved forward forcing the man away from me and made him leave but assertively and firmly. I was just unable to speak only cry. I was still recovering from an awful c section and recovery. He then made me a coffee (the manager), gave me a free lunch and chocolate cake and insisted, I phoned a friend for a "complimentary lunch" -my friend arrived and he explained I had been shouted out and insisted on giving her a free lunch. It was one of the worse experiences and best in the same day. I will never ever forget him and his kindness.

I went in there weekly after that for a lunch once a week. I still think it stands as one of the nicest things anyone did for me. The man -that shouted at me- I never saw again.

3 months later at a wedding I felt really beautiful in a beautiful flowing gown chosen so it didn't dig into any scars or anything. I felt totally beautiful -and I was holding DC1 -4 months old and I felt wonderful and recovered and I had lost 2 stone. Then some random woman said to me "Good god dear you look ready to pop, you're huge, you must be due any day now! when it the baby due". I steeled her with a look and said I'm holding her and kept my face together and walked off and cried later. My day was ruined in that one comment. I never ever ask now ever and never mention anyone's weight etc.

These are all another level. I'm reading this thread open mouthed

Mil told me not to touch my baby's feet as it would give him a stutter. How do you put socks on then.

I also remember my mum bending down and asking my 2 year-old What do you say? After giving him a present. He looked a bit confused and said "sorry"

Ohhh I've just remembered another one! When I fell pregnant I remember saying that for some reason, I thought I'd end up having a c-section. I've had a few gyno problems, the same my mum had and she also ended up having csections with all my siblings so it was just a feeling.

Anyhow, I had placenta previa, baby was breach and then she stopped growing at a good rate towards the end of pregnancy so c-section it was. A "friend" told me that I had caused all this to happen because I planted the seed with my thoughts and so my baby and pregnancy progressed in a way that would make a csection necessary because my thoughts had transferred to dd's growing brain

I got told by an interfering, know-all aunt of mine that I should, on no account ever pick up my boy when he cried, as I too - like a pp - would be 'making a rod for my own back', and would be making him a sissy'!

Well guess what, he became his own awesome person,and I picked him up and even hugged him whenever and as often as I damn well pleased, and thank goodness I did, as he died when he was 15.

You can never pick them up and hug them enough.

Went to visit my friend after her dd was born. Friend struggled off the couch wincing in pain due to her csection stitches. When she'd gone the toilet, and was out of earshot, friend's childless SIL (who I'd never before or since!) told me friend's pain was so much worse than mine because I'd only had a vaginal delivery. I should've showed her my huge episiotomy scar and the gory details of how I could only sit down on a rubber ring and take a pee in a salt bath! Naturally, I just nodded and said nothing

[quote Sevo7]@Witchofzog- that’s just reminded me about another crazy in-law! DD due date was actually my birthday and crazy in-laws was 3 days before that. She was constantly telling people that DD would arrive on her birthday and it would be really special etc, I think being born on my birthday would be more special but whatever

When her birthday arrived and I still hadn’t gone into labour she told my MIL I was holding the baby in on purpose just so she could be born on my birthday and not hers As it happened DD was actually 10 days late and an emergency Caesarian because I got stuck at 4cm which I’m sure if I asked crazy in-law would be my fault for holding the baby in too long [/quote]
I don't understand how people can be so dense as to think you really can just stop nature or hurry it up for convenience

@anotherpostanothernamechange
Both of mine born by EMCS under GA. My sister had her baby a week after my first was born.My mother informed me that ''It was like she was shelling peas'' as she was only in labour for four hours with a nine pound baby and no stitches so why couldn't I be just like her and not give me worry!.I said I was sorry for causing her worry but I was much smaller build than my sister and could not help my baby going into transverse lie as his head failed to engage and he moved when my waters broke.
I had my tubes tied during section as you were only allowed to have two then and was told my life would be in danger if I got pregnant again.My MIL heard about this and told me I was now condemned to hell as this was a mortal sin in the Catholic Church. This was coming from someone who only entered a church when she felt like it which was only once a year.If she had been a practising catholic I might have understood what she said.I told her she should be having those words with her son as well as I had signed the form with me but no she could not upset him.

I meant during my second section I had the tubal tie.