Thoughts please, be as blunt as you like.
I'll try to keep this short but I will give background for context.
I have a small group of close friends who have been in my life for 20+ years. We're the same age. Our lives have all been fairly similar but my financial situation has improved over the last few years, while theirs hasn't and I feel it's starting to cause issues even though I do not discuss money.
So my situation is that I am now a stay at home mother. Before that, I worked FT and in a fairly well paid job for my age and experience (higher rate taxpayer). Before we had the children we saved really hard, sold our starter home and bought a 4 bed family home for quite a good price. It's shot up
in value since (although I expect that will take a hit!). DH has a really good job and earns really well. He works his bum off, and is out of the house 7-7 in normal times (currently WFH). We decided to have two children because we knew we could afford that comfortably.
We don't struggle for money but we are very sensible. We drive old second hand cars, don't holiday abroad, shop at Aldi etc. On the other hand, if I want to buy the children some nice clothes (nothing excessive, places like Frugi etc) then I do and don't worry about it.
In my friendship group we have another sahm with a high earning partner but they have lots and lots of debt and are renting. They have five children and find it tough financially. Another is a nurse, homeowner with three children with an average earning partner, they do ok I think. One is a civil servant, homeowner with three children and another average earning partner, again I think they do ok and the other is a secretary with a low earning partner, own home and four children.
As I said, I don't talk about money. But recently I've had quite a few comments which have been really off, and it's starting to bother me. I don't know if it's something I'm doing, or not.
For example, our group chat the other week one was really suffering with her skin. Asked for skincare recommendations. I sent a photo of what I use, and immediately got comments of "huh well we can't all afford that!" (It's nothing excessive, again, mid range I think it was £18). Didn't think much of it.
I put a photo on FB of my children playing in the sand the other day and got comments about how I let them messy play in expensive clothes (they were from Next) and that I must be made of money.
I went for a socially distanced walk with two of them yesterday and I had a new handbag. I didn't mention it, they did and asked where it was from. Told them Boden and I said I'd got it in the sale reduced from £100 to £30 but they didn't really listen just said how nice it must be to be able to buy leather bags willy nilly especially when I don't work!
We were discussing ordering the children's school uniform the other day as one mum has a child just starting at school. I agreed that is bloody expensive etc. Asked where I got trousers from, I said Next as I find they wash and wear well. Cue shouts of "what a waste of money, nothing wrong with supermarket clothes, don't be such a snob!".
What I haven't told them is that we've recently come into a substantial early inheritance. It's enough that we will be able to buy a significantly bigger house in a nicer area and some land with no problems and that is what we plan to do. Another friend is also moving house (buying a bigger one) and I said that we're moving too (didn't say a word about upsizing etc) and again it started "you can't possibly need a bigger house, your house is huge" (it not, it's just a normal semi) "you've only got two children why do you need more space it's ridiculous think of us all crammed into a three bed" (we don't need extra space per se but it's an investment) .
My figure was also commented on yesterday. I've been carrying 4st of extra weight since I had my children. We've had a tough time of it with health problems with one child and I've been lacking the motivation to sort myself out. Since lockdown I've lost 3 of the 4 stone. Again I didn't mention it, but when I saw them there was a "wow, look at you that's great" followed by "you're going to get so scrawny, how have you managed that don't you eat any more? Are you taking diet pills?" I am still a stone overweight I'm nowhere near scrawny (or even slim!).
Aside from this I have no issue with these friends. We share a lot, we're close and we have been for a very long time. I just seem to offend or annoy them just by living my life quietly. I know there is a difference in our financial situations and I'm mindful of it. I don't show off, I wouldn't dream of suggesting we go to an more expensive place to eat/drink etc. It's always commented on when I buy a drink as I only really like a certain type of red wine (my days of drinking shots are done!) and apparently it's 'posh'. I don't like alcohol much, but I do like a glass of red. Who cares? I'm not bothered how much money my friends do or don't have.
One of the working friends said the other day in our group chat said that sahms need to be careful because we're going to be "screwed when we're old because we'll have no pensions". I agreed it was a risk but said we pay into a pension for me so I wasn't worried and I got back "of course you do, Mrs sensible, I bet you've got life insurance and a will too!" (I have, LI is a condition of the mortgage and surely a will is sensible?!).
Some of our being comfortable is down to pure luck (the early inheritance). Some of it is down to sensible financial decisions, saving hard, not getting into debt and keeping our family small. But I'm constantly being made to feel like I'm doing something wrong.
Am I?