MN vs real life

[GlummyMcGlummerson]

Can we have some (lighthearted) comparisons about what MN is like compared to real life. I'll start

MN: a roast chicken last for 14 days for a family of 5
RL: a chicken is cooked and the carcass is disposed of. At a push, the meat is taken off the bones for soup

MN: Parent and child spaces should only be used for randoms with invisible leg problems. Even if you have 5 children you should park in a normal space and not be so entitled as to think P&C spaces are for you
RL: Parents Park in P&C places and get annoyed when people without kids park in them

MN: Everybody wants a low key wedding with 6 people in the local cafe and the bride wants to wear a nightie she bought for 80p from the Scope shop
RL: most people have a lovely wedding in the region of £20k with a dress bought from a wedding boutique

MN: I know a very well respected epidemiologist who is leading the fight against the virus and they have said there will definitely be a 45th wave. FACT!!

RL: I watched Sky News today and Kay Burley said this.

MN: terminating a pregnancy at 38 weeks, relinquishing your newborn and putting your 2 year old into care are all very brave, acceptable, selfless acts. However, rehoming a pet because it has bitten your dc/your dc has had an anaphylactic reaction to its fur/the animal is distressed in your home obviously means you are the spawn of the devil and didn't do enough research about the breed, it's evolutionary history and behaviour and you are ergo an unfit sub human species.

RL: People prioritise their children over pets.

@iVampire I remember you from another thread. You're a runner aren't you? It must be really hard missing out on that for so long.

Lots on MN live 'very rurally' where there is no shop for miles and they cant get any deliveries, even Amazon wont deliver there...

MN: How can I host party games safely? How can I make sure my birthday child does not win Pin the Tail on the Donkey? Is it cruel to animals to draw them without a tail, or to hit a donkey pinata with a stick? Should I use a separate freshly washed scarf to cover the eyes of each child, for safety, especially with a killer virus on the loose? What if some children are scared of not being able to see? If I ask them to close their eyes, how do I know they're not cheating?

RL: Just blindfold each of them with a communal scarf, spin them round, let chance decide who wins. Job done.

Mn.im having my first child. No one shall come to visit until she is 10 and then only with a 2 year prior booking.
RL. Grand parents excitedly visit with balloons and presents as soon as hospital visiting starts.

MN: A long never ending list of what is considered rude

RL: no one gives it a second thought

@DestroyedPeople, thank you for the stolen rickshaw , from the bottom of my heart

Oh haha yw I am v happy to have amused a few of you.....
I wasn't making it up you know. ...

One of my favourite threads. Good to know the ‘RL’ is so much nearer my life than some of the Mn posts!

I bet you bought a doodle crossbreed from a pets4homes

Looks around guiltily He's still gorgeous, I picked him up from a family home, both parents appeared to be living there. He's fit and well, showing no signs of hip dysplasia. Bought previous dog 14 years previously in similar circumstances. He was also lovely.

Teenage daughter shaves her head and op is distraught

MN oh get over yourself, it’s only hair, women have been brainwashed to have long hair so they are more attractive to men. I/my sister/my colleague have buzz cuts.

RL A week later the daughter is in floods of tears at what she’s done, her siblings have taken the piss non stop and the mother is online looking for realistic wigs.

Also

MN I do nothing for DH, no laundry, I don’t make him a cup of tea in the morning and god forbid I should ever cook him a meal. I’m not his mother.

RL popping down to the corner shop to get a bottle of wine because DH has text that he’s on his way home from work and he’s had a bad day.

And

MN My DC have suffered so much during lockdown, their childhood and education is ruined, they are in the depths of depression. OPEN THE SCHOOLS

RL kids I know are loving it, including my own, they don’t want to go back to school, one of my sons friends has said he’s having the best summer he’s ever had, his father is furloughed and it’s the most he’s seen him for years.

@DestroyedPeople , I'm experiencing the urge to compete with you. But my lips are sealed.

MN children are all tall ('growing like weeds', especially the boys, who are all 6ft by 13), 'top of the class' (or 'flying academically'), slim, sporty and working determinedly towards worthy careers by age 8 at the latest.

MN husbands are all 'very senior' and/or 'at the top of their game'. They invariably 'work long hours'.

MN parenting is all about 'family time' and 'instilling' (routine, manners, gratitude, a work ethic, etc.) things into children. And MN screen time is half an hour a day at a push with an hour on alternate Sundays when there's a new moon.

Oh, the thing about how much teens eat is only ever posted about boys.

Oh go on footle you can always name change after.... (like I am planning to)...

@00100001

concerning eaing and drinking. childhood MN: my 2 year old will eat 3 slices of whole meal toast, an entire tub of hummus (organic, natch), 2 satsumas, a kilo of olives, a head of broccoli and some lentil dhal for his mid-morning snack. He's skinny and tall. Drinks water only.

RL: My 2 year old threw his cheerios across the kitchen and ate half a petit filous the entire day. He's average in height and weight. Had a fanta for breakfast.

teen years
MN: my 15 yo will eat 3 homemade pizzas, a pint of icecream, 5 donuts, a bag of carrot sticks, a big tub of hummus, 200g of cheese that has been sliced up so as to you use the cheese as spoon to eat 2 tins of baked beans. They drink water, and the occasional fruit juice. They're sport, slim and tall.

RL: They ate 1 pizza and some doritos.... they play Xbox ALL day in their room. They chugged a can of redbull in 5 seconds.

adult years
MN: I am 32 yo. I look at a lettuce leaf on a Monday, and find that fills me up until Thursday evening, where I lick a tomato, which sets me up nicely for my Monday lettuce leaf. Anything else is just gluttony. Just the water for me please, except at Christmas, where I'll have a drop of champagne in my water.

RL: I am 32yo. I have to buy two bags of bakery cookies from Tesco when I go shopping.. because one pack is for me to get me through the journey home. I washed them down wit a litre of chocolate milk.

Will you please stop following me to tesco?

Most of the replies are light-hearted as the OP wanted. But there is proof with some of the replies that some MNs are just nasty.

@DestroyedPeople , it pains me to refuse. Your one sounds very enterprising and presumably very fit by now.

And another thing, @DestroyedPeople. I hope you don't change your name , I'm enjoying your posts on various threads and I like a bit of continuity.

footle thanks! Yes he is quite physically fit. ....

I love this thread, such a relief to find that I am not the only one whose RL differs from the MN version. 😁

And destroyedpeople, the rickshaw post is brilliant, thinking of the steps per day you’d get with that...

MN: Sahm have sold their soul to the devil. Have no idea how to manage life have abdicated all responsibility and choice to working parent. Will not have a leg to stand on in 27 years when you find out OH has a second hidden family.

RL: some people are Sahm or sahd. We do ok. And some of us even (big gasp) chose it. Some of us it just happened. And....we are fine.

@Strugglingtodomybest - toilet brushes
...i am a mn brush hater. Don't want them. Get rid of them. So why are there not 1 but 2 in my ensuite? Do they breed....do they sneak in when I'm not looking?

@00100001 so true! 😂