MN vs real life

[GlummyMcGlummerson]

Can we have some (lighthearted) comparisons about what MN is like compared to real life. I'll start

MN: a roast chicken last for 14 days for a family of 5
RL: a chicken is cooked and the carcass is disposed of. At a push, the meat is taken off the bones for soup

MN: Parent and child spaces should only be used for randoms with invisible leg problems. Even if you have 5 children you should park in a normal space and not be so entitled as to think P&C spaces are for you
RL: Parents Park in P&C places and get annoyed when people without kids park in them

MN: Everybody wants a low key wedding with 6 people in the local cafe and the bride wants to wear a nightie she bought for 80p from the Scope shop
RL: most people have a lovely wedding in the region of £20k with a dress bought from a wedding boutique

MN: you must be absolutely silent whilst in your garden; if your neighbours can hear you at all then you're a selfish arsehole.
RL: everyone plays their music at a reasonable level and it's fine.

MN: all my children's meals are cooked from scratch using only the freshest ingredients. My children eat no processed food at all.
RL: I cba to cook today so I'll just chuck a ready meal in the microwave. They'll get some microwaved veg if they're lucky.

MN: Help, we’re thinking of leaving London but we’ve heard the northern lands are full of dirty, uncivilised hooligans. But we can get a 17 bed castle with a pool for £20,000. Should we move?

RL: 90% of the population somehow manage to live outside of London.

MN : Vanity sizing is a thing!

RL : I’ve been a size 14 for twenty years though.

MN : That’s what they want you to think. In reality, you are a size 26 nowadays. You just haven’t noticed.

RL : But I have a size 14 dress from 1995 that still fits me.

MN : It must be made of elastic! You have lost sight of what a normal body shape is, because you’re a heifer. My mum’s wedding dress just about fits my daughter’s Barbie (it was a gift to my son before you start) and that is a 1965 size 18 and she was eight months pregnant on her wedding day!

Mn - I left hospital the same day as I gave birth and cooked Sunday lunch for the family when I got home.

RL - I stayed in pj’s for two weeks, might have showered, can’t remember.

MN: do you have proof for what you are saying? Request to research or links? I can't accept your opinion without that.
Real life: so you have a different opinion, or I simply disagree. Cool let's agree to disagree.

MN: I sprayed tea all over the phone chortling/ pissed my pants laughing at that anecdote.
RL: the only thing in living memory that made me lol is my son is operating a stolen rickshaw up and down the South Bank.

@maddiemookins16mum

MN - our teens eat everything in site, 4 big meals a day with seconds, 6 pints of milk each, large bowl of pasta and Cream cheese for supper.

RL - 3 normal meals a day (standard packed lunch) peanut butter and toast after school, bowl of 2 weetabix for supper.

There's one of these going on right now!

I've never understood "did you mean to be so rude?" as a contemporary thing to say. I'm not living in 1910 in an upper middle class society in which gentle shaming is a simple yet effective technique for managing bad behaviour.

@MrsSnitchsnose ooh where , I love a Mumsnet food thread.

MN: Someone in a shop behaved badly and I made a cutting and witty remark that totally shamed and silenced them. and everybody clapped

RL: I gave them a Look, tutted and left the shop then lay awake that night thinking about what I could have said and this would have totally shamed and silenced them.

@AWryGiraffe here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3971746-Greedy-teenager?pg=1

my son is operating a stolen rickshaw up and down the South Bank

I think this may be the best thing I've ever read on MN

My mum’s wedding dress just about fits my daughter’s Barbie (it was a gift to my son before you start) and that is a 1965 size 18 and she was eight months pregnant on her wedding day

This is SO TRUE! Only on MN are there claims of a fatty epidemic but when I look around everyone looks a healthy weight

MN: My BMI is 19 and if it goes over 20 I must start dieting immediately lest I become a lazy fat pig. Don’t you know how unhealthy being overweight is?
RL: My BMI is somewhere in the region of 24-26, I’m healthy and like cake.

MN: do you prefer of Persephone, Augusta or Ophelia for a girl? And Hercules, Balonz or Agamemnon for a boy?
RL: calls baby either Jack or Olivia like the rest of the UK.

@Parker231

Mn - during lockdown DC ‘s have done 3-4 hours schooling at home each day. Plan to continue over the summer holidays.

RL - both parents working from home. DC’s are either still in bed, watching tv or playing on their phones/screens.

So true. It wasn't until around May that my 15 year old knew there was a pandemic

‘I’m shielding’

MN: it’s only advice, you know and most people survive

RL: that’s tough. How are you? Can I help? Stay safe

MN: I eat 40 hundred veg every day. It's really easy.
RL: Has pizza for tea as rough after yesterday's tequila fest

MN: I fall asleep after 1 wine
RL: Gets pissed regularly, no one dies

MN: We won't be leaving the house til 2040 because of the virus
RL: Have been to the pub and out for dinner. It was wonderful not having to cook. All my friends feel the same.

Mn - start Christmas shopping in May

RL - week before Christmas checking whether Amazon can still deliver in time.

MN: if you are married it is impossible to be attracted to someone else, even if there is no chance of it becoming more.

RL: it is totally possible, and normal, to find people other than your DH attractive.

MN: If your DH even as much as slightly raises his voice at you or teases you, he is an abusive a-hole and you must immediately LTB.

RL: Couples argue and banter.

MN: if your DH is abusive, you must immediately LTB even if you have nowhere to go, no money, no support. Surely friends and family will rally round.

RL: lots of women remain in abusive relationships as the alternative is living on the streets, they are unemployed, have nowhere to go and no friends or family who can or will help.

MN: if you don't have at least 3 holidays, ideally exotic, and 4 mini breaks a year, there is something very wrong.

RL: Some people cannot afford lots of holidays and/or are not prepared to get into debt for them. Also there is a global pandemic and many have lost their jobs and incomes. Fuck off with your smug, self satisfied gloating.

MN: lying about your child's age to save £24 at an attraction that they'll barely enjoy and are only tagging along to for your older children, is nothing short of daylight robbery. Have you always been a thief?

RL: no, he's 2, he isn't 3 until next month

glummy that last one is so true! I was still telling DS to remember he was 4 when we went on a bus, right up until he was 7!!