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MN vs real life

387 replies

GlummyMcGlummerson · 19/07/2020 14:11

Can we have some (lighthearted) comparisons about what MN is like compared to real life. I'll start

MN: a roast chicken last for 14 days for a family of 5
RL: a chicken is cooked and the carcass is disposed of. At a push, the meat is taken off the bones for soup

MN: Parent and child spaces should only be used for randoms with invisible leg problems. Even if you have 5 children you should park in a normal space and not be so entitled as to think P&C spaces are for you
RL: Parents Park in P&C places and get annoyed when people without kids park in them

MN: Everybody wants a low key wedding with 6 people in the local cafe and the bride wants to wear a nightie she bought for 80p from the Scope shop
RL: most people have a lovely wedding in the region of £20k with a dress bought from a wedding boutique

OP posts:
tectonicplates · 19/07/2020 19:39

MN: Most people work either in the public sector or in large organisations with highly structured HR departments. Job interviewers ask everyone the same questions and you're expected to answer using the STAR method.

RL: Millions of people actually work at small or medium private companies where an interview is more like a chat and they don't ask you stupid questions. Sometimes the interview will even take place at a cafe or something.

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 19/07/2020 19:40

Now that we're all supposed to be getting into wearing masks, it might be a good idea to make RL more like MN.

A stash of emoji cards in the handbag to hold up to convey mood (Smile/Sad) along with a spare Biscuit in the pocket could really aid communication.

lifeafter50 · 19/07/2020 19:40

MN: That should be 'a lot' not 'alot' and if you refer to him as your 'hubby' it's not surprising he's been unfaithful.
GrinGrinGrin

decisionsdecision · 19/07/2020 19:42

My personal favourite

MN - normal human temp is 33-34
RL - 36-37

ssd · 19/07/2020 19:45

MN: I work in the public sector in a niche market at the top of the payscale
RL: I work in a call centre for £9.30 an hour

MN: Any SAHM is asking for trouble if she thinks her dh won't go off with someone else
RL: most couples split their money and support each other

bushby · 19/07/2020 19:45

MN: I hate my kids, I love them but I dont enjoy it at all. Looking after them is hard work and I constantly dream about moving to Bali to do yoga and sit in silence.

Oh yes, we all feel the same, if I could go back I'd have never had kids. Save me a pornstar martini in Bali.

Also MN: I love my dog but he {Insert any severe behaviour here}. I don't want to re-home, how can I work on this?I'm really struggling to enjoy dog ownership.

You should have never got a dog, you are an irresponsible, evil person. You've just not out enough effort into training. People like you are why rescues are full. You need to re-home immediately. I bet you bought a doodle crossbreed from a pets4homes.

tectonicplates · 19/07/2020 19:46

MN: Some toilets, both at home and at work, are for pee only and you're supposed to find out which ones you're allowed to poo in. Public toilets are places of horror where nobody should ever go, and everyone hovers above the seat. There's also an elite group who believe that all work and public toilets are for pee only, and that a poo should only ever be done at home.

RL: All loos are designed for solids and liquids, and normal people sit down to do their business.

Parker231 · 19/07/2020 19:50

Mn - DH never cooks and doesn’t know how to.

RL - most men can and do cook as well as women. If they can’t you should have realised what you were getting before you married them.

BronwenFrideswide · 19/07/2020 19:55

MN: No tradesmen, especially builders, must use the toilet in the property they are spending all day working at. Also, they must not expect a cup of tea or any refreshments whatsoever.

RL: Toilet is there, how do you like your tea?

Bluntness100 · 19/07/2020 19:56

MN I’m always getting told how young I look. So it must be right. I look young, young I tell you!

Rl no one ever randomly comments on how old you look unless you ask them , then thy under estimate it by a clear mile to be nice and play safe.

implantsandaDyson · 19/07/2020 19:57

My cousin has invited me to the evening bit of her wedding
MN : well if it's a two tier affair, she can jog on and as for a present Shock
R/L : I'll see if I'm free, it might be quite nice, I'll fire in a bottle of something if I go

Pelleas · 19/07/2020 20:01

I've just found out my children aged 7 and 8 are allergic to our new cat.

RL: Rehome the cat
MN: Rehome your children

pennysea · 19/07/2020 20:10

MN: friends invited us out for dinner and when the bill arrived they expected us to pay for our half. I was shocked! It wouldn't have been so bad but he ordered a beer and she hardly touched her desert. They even expected us to make our own way to the restaurant and didn't offer to pay for our taxi. I'm posting on our local FB page to warn other couples. We are going NC with them and might have to move.

RL: Thanks for inviting us, here is our half of the bill. Let's do this again soon.

FlamingoAndJohn · 19/07/2020 20:10

@pennysea

My favourite is when a poster says they are short of cash and someone comes along and suggests they take in other people's washing to make ends meet

This always makes me laugh. How many shirts would you even have to iron to pay a mortgage, heat a home and feed a family?

My dad works as a driver for an incredibly rich woman. (Long story) She pays my dad to drive her ironing to a woman in the nearest town. It costs her £60 for a load of ironing and she pays my dad £40 to drive it.
Dazzedandconfused · 19/07/2020 20:21

MN: all seem to earn over £80k and if you dont you should retrain at once for a better job.
IRL: Most people are on around £40k and retraining will mean years on a lower wage on the off chance you may eventually be promoted.

MN: rent out your house and travel the world.
IRL: take some time off and book a package holiday. Who in RL wants to rent their home to strangers or has the money to jet set around the world.

MN: take a 6 month sabbatical from work
RL: most work places would never agree to this plus the majority of people cant afford no wage for 6 months!

ShesMadeATwatOfMePam · 19/07/2020 20:22

*I've just found out my children aged 7 and 8 are allergic to our new cat.

RL: Rehome the cat
MN: Rehome your children*

Truest one yet.

tectonicplates · 19/07/2020 20:26

MN: Everyone lives either in Central London, or in a village or "very rurally". Anywhere outside zone 2 isn't real London, and the concept of living in zone 4 is an abomination against humanity.

RL: Millions of people live in the London suburbs, or in small towns which have plenty of facilities and aren't villages.

00100001 · 19/07/2020 20:29

concerning eaing and drinking.
childhood
MN: my 2 year old will eat 3 slices of whole meal toast, an entire tub of hummus (organic, natch), 2 satsumas, a kilo of olives, a head of broccoli and some lentil dhal for his mid-morning snack. He's skinny and tall. Drinks water only.

RL: My 2 year old threw his cheerios across the kitchen and ate half a petit filous the entire day. He's average in height and weight. Had a fanta for breakfast.

teen years
MN: my 15 yo will eat 3 homemade pizzas, a pint of icecream, 5 donuts, a bag of carrot sticks, a big tub of hummus, 200g of cheese that has been sliced up so as to you use the cheese as spoon to eat 2 tins of baked beans. They drink water, and the occasional fruit juice. They're sport, slim and tall.

RL: They ate 1 pizza and some doritos.... they play Xbox ALL day in their room. They chugged a can of redbull in 5 seconds.

adult years
MN: I am 32 yo. I look at a lettuce leaf on a Monday, and find that fills me up until Thursday evening, where I lick a tomato, which sets me up nicely for my Monday lettuce leaf. Anything else is just gluttony. Just the water for me please, except at Christmas, where I'll have a drop of champagne in my water.

RL: I am 32yo. I have to buy two bags of bakery cookies from Tesco when I go shopping.. because one pack is for me to get me through the journey home. I washed them down wit a litre of chocolate milk.

thunderthighsohwoe · 19/07/2020 20:33

MN: I don’t enjoy the taste of sweet things, I much prefer to snack on veggies and hummus.
RL: Oooh, chocolate buttons....

MN: If you cut back on takeaways you can absolutely afford that big family home in a nice area.
RL: The bank won’t lend us enough, so we’ll try for literally anything in our village that has a garden.

MN: (In response to any baby related issue) Have you tried a sling?
RL: Oh wow, what an idea! We’d not thought about/tried that.

MN: Just bring them into bed with you, you’ll all sleep better.
RL: See us exhaustedly stopping overexcited toddler from jumping off the bed/emptying all the drawers/legging it down the stairs...

thunderthighsohwoe · 19/07/2020 20:35

MN: One must never EVER use grandparents for childcare that they offer. Hire a nanny instead, you selfish fool.
RL: Hmmmm, shall we pay the nursery fees or the mortgage?

00100001 · 19/07/2020 20:37

regarding primary schools

MN: Any minor issue with school? ... GOVERNORS!
Did Little Johnny report that Little Janey said something that might be construed as unkind?... GOVERNORS!
The PTA sent out a reminder for the summer fete, but the flyer had Summer Fete, instead of Summer Fête?... GOVERNORS!
The lunch menu has been published and you have noticed that despite the claim it's a 3 week rotating menu, you notice that they actually have sweetcorn as a side TWICE in those three weeks?... GOVERNORS!

RL:
Any minor issue with the school? Roll your eyes and mutter, then forget about it a day later.

Parker231 · 19/07/2020 20:38

Mn - during lockdown DC ‘s have done 3-4 hours schooling at home each day. Plan to continue over the summer holidays.

RL - both parents working from home. DC’s are either still in bed, watching tv or playing on their phones/screens.

Parker231 · 19/07/2020 20:40

Mn - any problem with childcare, have you thought about hiring a nanny?

RL - ask friends, grandparents, next door neighbour- can you look after DC’s?

tectonicplates · 19/07/2020 20:42

MN: all seem to earn over £80k and if you dont you should retrain at once for a better job.
IRL: Most people are on around £40k and retraining will mean years on a lower wage on the off chance you may eventually be promoted.

Most people earn around 40k, do they? I don't think so 😂

00100001 · 19/07/2020 20:45

I''d say most people are on about £22-28k!

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