Do most people see second weddings a bit "meh"?

[Fressia123]

We've announced our upcoming wedding to our family and everyone's response has been lukewarm at best. Only one cousin replied with a "I'm so happy for you".I'm really surprised because my mum knows how much my first one was a non event and knows how much I want to have a nice and happy wedding.

The children are very thrilled (couldn't ask for more really) and so are a couple of my friends.

Considering how happy everybody is about the baby I thought it would be a similar response. Has it been the same for other people and their second weddings?

I must be a miserable git too because sure, I'd say congratulations and all but what else do you expect? I'm sorry, but im not going to be exploding with excitement about it when I just attended your first wedding not that long ago! (I dont mean you personally OP, I mean, the people I know who have remarried).

Of course I'm happy for people but when this is the second time they've done it, its not really THAT big a deal to me. Sorry.

Weddings are all about the bride?

Oh dear. I’ve been doing it wrong. Wish someone had told me! Or told DH. I thought it was about making a legal commitment to your chosen one in the company of your family or friends. I clearly missed a trick...twice!

@Micah I don't understand the logic - if it's all about the bride then why is it more of a problem if the groom has been married before?

DDIJ but in our case everybody is happy. His exW had a proper (with all the bells and whistles) proposal on Christmas Eve. We didn't have any of that because we're a lot more pragmatic (and personally wouldn't feel comfortable with it considering we have a baby and own a house... That to me speaks more than a ring).

Weddings are all about the bride?

In theory, no, you are right, it’s a legal commitment etc. But generally, it’s the “bridezilla” aspect, weddings are usually controlled by the bride, it’s about the bride in her dress. Brides dream about weddings from a little girl, men avoid it as long as they can. Bloke and his family are expected to pitch up and jokes made about his reluctance- “ball and chain” etc.

Yes it’s stereotyping, but nearly every wedding i’Ve been to sticks to the stereotype narrative. It’s the “brides big day”.

@Micah I don't understand the logic - if it's all about the bride then why is it more of a problem if the groom has been married before?

Because if it’s your daughter, sister, other female relative you’re more likely to be involved- see above. You don’t miss her “big day”, even if it’s the second or third.

Weddings aren’t seen as such a big deal for men. Again the stereotype of men being closer to the wifes family than their own.

Dh’s second wedding, most people were not bothered at all. Been there done that. So if we’d have had a big wedding it would have mainly been my family and friends.

His ex’s second wedding her family were all very involved, so they all went, so they had both sides their as you would normally.

Same as when you have your second baby really

@Micah so you mean DHs family and friends specifically weren't bothered?

Congratulations!
Amongst my (traditional) circle of friends when we married (in the 90's) the bride's father would pay for the wedding and it would be a big, lavish, showy event where the bride was handed over to the groom. The second weddings amongst our crowd were self funded and whilst still or probably more joyous, were relaxed and much less indulgent with a declaration on the invite not to feel obliged to give gifts. They were more of a party to celebrate the wedding and not the big £20k, 200 guest and 6billion bridesmaid statements of status.

Second marriage or vow renewal?

I find all weddings "meh" including my own. Nothing personal, just don't like them.

@Micah

Yours sounds exactly the kind of second wedding I'd be excited about. Circumstances where you deserved a fantastic and very special day.

Sorry your PIL didn't see it that way.

If the first marriage was very short and the next marriage seemed rushed into I’d be a bit meh.

If there were very young children involved and a blending of families and it had been rushed into again I’d be quietly concerned and couldn’t be excited for them.

But I’ll always happy for friends who have entered and exited their marriages for genuine reasons and who took their marriage seriously, and who have chosen to try again.

For both of us it feels like we're marrying the right person this time.

i have only been to one, my best friend's. It was a proper do, white dress, bridesmaids, father gave her away, the works. I was thrilled for her after the shit she went through in her first marriage. It was a first marriage for her fiance and he wanted a 'proper wedding' she wasn't actually that fussed. It was amazing, probably the best wedding i have been to.

I think all weddings are a bit meh to be honest...

Yes all weddings are a bit meh to people who aren’t particularly close to the couple. I’ve restricted my guests to 20 so it will be people who genuinely care about us and will celebrate with us, rather than viewing it as ‘meh’ hopefully. It won’t be meh to us and our children.

Yes i usually find weddings very meh. When i was young all my friends got married, it was just what you did, and all the weddings were virtually identical. 30 years later all my nephews and nieces got married, again all very similar. Somehow my friends second wedding felt very different, it really felt like it meant something more, but i can't quite explain why.

But these are people who shouldn't feel "meh". Both our mother, my father, and our siblings. I think that's what hurts. And my mum did get exciy about my sister's wedding, so it's not like she's "meh" about them either.

All weddings are a bit meh. I love the sacrament and significance of a wedding, but cannot abide with the narcissistic and capitalistic way it is being conducted.

considering we have a baby and own a house... That to me speaks more than a ring).

If you have a baby and a house then presumably you have already effectively committed to being together forever. So the wedding probably isn’t that much of a big exciting deal compared to two 25 year olds.

Still lovely though - enjoy your day!

I suppose when you get married for the first time it marks the beginning of a new chapter of your life. If you’re previously divorced, already have children or are older you aren’t really celebrating a major change to the status quo.
On a personal level though, if I think the groom is a decent man I am thrilled for my friends whether it is their first or third marriage! Congratulations.

immigrantsong totally agree, I love the fact two people want to commit to each other but am not interested in the showiness, expense and general OTT ness (is that a word?) of the vast majority of weddings.

If my DS and his lovely GF announced they were getting married I would honestly hope they eloped or at the very least had a very small private wedding (like the Royal wedding today ).

Of course if they chose to have a big extravagant wedding I would have to pretend to be pleased about it.