Do most people see second weddings a bit "meh"?

[Fressia123]

We've announced our upcoming wedding to our family and everyone's response has been lukewarm at best. Only one cousin replied with a "I'm so happy for you".I'm really surprised because my mum knows how much my first one was a non event and knows how much I want to have a nice and happy wedding.

The children are very thrilled (couldn't ask for more really) and so are a couple of my friends.

Considering how happy everybody is about the baby I thought it would be a similar response. Has it been the same for other people and their second weddings?

Honestly, I don't feel the same about second weddings, unless I know that whoever is remarrying was very much the innocent party in the break up, in which case I treat it like a first wedding. My set of beliefs includes taking marriage very seriously.

First weddings I love and get genuinely excited about. I do whatever I reasonably can to attend. Second weddings I rarely go to, and usually just send a present.

Hiccup totally agree, I don't get excited about weddings at all and happily send a polite no thanks' these days. We've been invited to one next year & I don't particularly want to go, we are at the age where we are on the 'distant aunts and uncles/random friends of the parents' table' so the young couple probably don't really want us there either .... such a waste of money all round.

All of my friends are super excited. They're all coming from different corners of the world. I think. They obviously know my struggles and how happy I am.

The one who is probably even more excited than me has told me what you lovely MNs have told me, that's it's about us and what our families think/do is irrelevant.

I'm wondering this myself. My friend is super excited to marry us (he's a Vicar) but I'm guessing I'll be met with indifference by most people, but that's the case for first weddings too. We aren't at that stage yet as I need to get around to filing for divorce (super amicable so haven't bothered to sort paperwork) after which it's decision time. This thread makes me wonder if we should just go away instead

I feel a bit meh about the thought of a second wedding for myself (although DP is amazing and I have every intention of being with him forever) but when I think of any of my divorced friends getting married again to someone right for them I'd be absolutely over the moon, so I don't know why I don't apply the same to myself?

Screw the rest of them OP, if you and the kids are thrilled then have your wedding with the people that are excited for you and forget about the others 🙂

Some of these replies are horrible. I had an abusive childhood and married early to an abusive man who gambled and drank. We had 3 dc until I had a defining moment and left him. Dp married and had 2 dc and one day his wife left him for another man.

We are both much more suited to each other than our first partners were. We see it as bringing together our families too and the children are walking with me down the aisle. And yes, I’m wearing a white dress. It’s a small wedding (we are both introverts and hate loads of fuss) but I really hope we haven’t misjudged our friends to the degree that someone would ‘politely decline’ because they disapproved of second weddings.

Sometimes people don’t get it right first time, particularly if they haven’t had a happy childhood model to base their own lives on.

It means one set of vows solemnly promised have already been broken so a second time doing the same is a bit meh

Yeah. It’s shit when your husbands ex broke all those vows cheating on him and kicked him out of his home. Then no one cares about his second marriage because meh, broken vows.

He didn’t break his vows. I’d never been married before. Still his parents cba to come because they’d done it before.

We ended up just getting married with 3 witnesses because everyone was a bit meh.

Micah I'm sure it was a very happy day for you two, which ultimately is what matters. Even though I'm slightly annoyed I know...

Starting to realise how lucky we are with our friends and family who are not meh. I’ve been extremely selective about who I’ve invited though. The more I read this thread, the more I think I’m a misanthrope rather than an introvert. People can be mean.

Funnily enough his ex had a big white wedding with her Other Man. All part of her narrative they she’d done nothing wrong.

Dh’s parents went. They were invited so they could take the then very young kids home while she went on honeymoon, but still, they went.

If it makes you feel better its not just second marriages. Increasingly its first marriages too. Too many ruinous divorces.

I think knowing and being invested in someone’s first spouse makes attending a second wedding awkward.
But I have been delighted for many people who get to have a second shot at establishing their dynasty, too.

I think anyone playing big, white princess for the day over the age of 30 is a bit immature and cringe, regardless of them having been married before, but that’s just me being a snob.

Enjoy your day regardless of what anyone thinks.

We’ve had this - we are getting married on 1 August and when we told Dfiancés mum she said “what does it actually change?” Which is a very stupid thing to say, as of course it changes everything, legally, financially and socially. My family have been nice about it and my friends have been lovely.
People being judgemental - wait til their husband cheats on/abuses them and see how they feel about divorce then! And if that never happens we’ll good for you, but that’s no reason to shit on those who have already been through hell. There’s no need for the nastiness on this thread.

Whois why is it 'horrible' to have an opinion that doesn't agree with your's? .

People are being honest, my own first wedding was a mistake, my second marriage has lasted over 30 years but I still stand by my decision that, in my own case, a small, quiet second wedding was a much preferable option.

My second wedding day was a relaxed bbq with friends after a register office ceremony.
So much different from my first but so much happier.

F**k people being meh! Once you and your partner & DC are happy, no one else matters. Congratulations OP, hope you have a great time x

I love a wedding, but going by a lot of threads and post on here, the majority of people find them tedious and expensive. You don’t really expect to have to attend more than one wedding per person

People were (apparently ) thrilled to bits for us even though, or maybe because, we had a small family only do. Our friends insisted on a small gathering afterwards which we had, cake, bubbly, just at home. Both had more weddingy weddings for our first ones though very different styles. This one has lasted a lot longer than my first marriage and people have been very kind with their happiness at our happiness.

Congratulations OP, only your opinions count! Enjoy your day.

Do you think they're happy with you getting married again?

Sorry it's felt a bit flat. I'd be really happy if someone was remarrying and it was much happier circumstances.

Baby I would have thought they would be! My mum helped us get the deposit for our home. Having a baby, buying a home it's all the same level of commitment as marriage. If I try to spin it positively I think it's because they were expecting it anyways.

Well this thread is depressing. When I get married it will be my first wedding and my partner's second, after a disastrous, short first marriage. I've always felt a bit paranoid about the idea that it was going to cast a shadow over our wedding. It's very sobering knowing how many people would be totally uninterested. So as someone that has never been married before, am I expected to have a small wedding and not bother anyone with it, because he's done it before?

So as someone that has never been married before, am I expected to have a small wedding and not bother anyone with it, because he's done it before?

Ime, yes.

Especially when it’s the bloke who’s done it before. Weddings are all about the bride, and the brides friends and family will pitch up regardless of how many times she’s been married.

Men, people think marriage isn’t so important.

My second wedding which was almost 40 years after my first was lovely.
Totally different .
Destination wedding, all my children and grandchildren there and some good friends and a few other relations.

Everyone seemed to be very happy about it.
I know I was.

My friend is angling for a 3rd wedding with her partner. I think she likes the idea of the ceremony/reception party. First one was a church wedding with a strong military theme (DH 1 was in the army); second was a registry office do; I think the next one will be a hotel/venue do.
She's tried on wedding dresses/purchased evening gowns that would fit the bill.
She's engaged to potential DH 3. However there won't be a wedding until he divorces his ex.

My cousins first husband hit her. Her second husband died after 20 years.
She had big weddings both times.
Her third wedding again was a big do. She wore a beautifully Long white dress. She looked so happy And definitely didn’t look like a 57 year old mum of 4.
In fact when the 4 of us get together, we’ve clocked up 11 weddings between us.