How can I possible keep going living this lie

[cantkeepgoing]

I've got an almost 4 year old who is a dreadful sleeper......tried everything so please don't advise me on trying something.....

My question is this. How do I keep going? I so badly want out? I so wish I'd not had him. I hate being a mum. I'm so angry and resentful of this life. I just want to leave

Do you have a DP/DH to share the load with OP?

Have you spoken to your GP? When ds was 10 months I told the receptionist she either gave me an appointment or ds would be left in his pram in the foyer!!

He helped me through a sleep program and it blood worked!!

Yes I have a dh who helps and yes spoken to gp. I'm already on a huge dose of AD's

I don't want to die. I just want to walk but I know that everyone would judge me terribly

Would a night or two away help. Just on your own with some decent sleep and rest.

I haven't been in your position so I have no good advice. I'd encourage you to talk honestly and openly with your husband but obviously very out of earshot of DS. I don't want to patronise you, but perhaps try to remember why you wanted your DC in the first place, what about them brings you joy, what positives they bring to your life, how fulfilling their smiles are etc. I know sleep deprivation is a killer though.

First, speak to your GP again and tell them the drugs aren't working. You might need another approach

Second, child is 4 and you have a husband. The rules have changed now so book yourself into a local hotel for a night. Take some time and sleep. I had a mumcation earlier this year (before the crazy) and it did me the world of good. I had 48hrs away from my kids. Time to sleep, recharge and be me again.

Third, hire a sleep consultant / night nanny. Throw some money at the problem

I am not judging you. DS didn't sleep for longer than 45 mins at a time until he was 2 and a half.
I ended up crying my eyes out to the HV after I fell asleep standing up whilst cooking chips in a chip pan ( was 25 years ago). Sleep deprivation is brutal and can actually send a person into psychosis.
DS was finally sorted by the sleep clinic.

Sympathy here. My 4 year old has never slept through. Everything is worse at the moment as everyone is struggling to sleep.
In the short term you need to schedule in some really early nights for you (or naps if not possible).
Longer term--school is so exhausting that they generally sleep better.
Medium term has everyone got big comfortable beds, nice bedding, good curtains etc? We bought a double for the spare room for cosleeping which has helped.
Take care of yourself x

Talk to your gp ASAP. They can help you and your ds.
If you can get your ds referred to the sleep clinic, they can do wonders and if all else fails then they can prescribe melatonin tablets to help your ds sleep. It's a naturally occurring hormone that helps them sleep.

I would also suggest that you are probably depressed, which is not surprising as insomnia is a known trigger of depression especially when it's someone else's insomnia which has caused yours (i known that its not your insomnia as such but basically it has the same effect) .

I would love to say that it goes away but that would be a lie though it does get better, my ds is 11 now and with melatonin he sleeps 4-6 hours a night. It's not perfect but I can live on 4 hours solid sleep 6 hours is bliss.
for you

You have my sympathies OP. Sleep deprivation is the absolute pits! Just how bad is his sleep? What does a normal night look like?.

Nothing helpful to add but just my sympathies. It sounds really tough for you.

We've been to paeds about his sleep. Tried meds , tried night nanny's , sleep consultants etc......all say he'll grow out of it

I don't want a night away as I wouldn't come back . I'm not desperate or suicidal but I've felt like this for years. I made a mistake and now I'm stuck in this. I just have to keep going

Very much sympathize with you, my daughter was a terrible light sleeper and it was hard hard work getting her to nap and sleep!
when you say 'want out', you mean just wishing it was the 2 of you again, pre kids? or out of being a mum and your husband? is he supporting you through this? x

Have you had any nights away in the last four years with DH or friends ?

Don't have another child then as my first was a dreadful sleeper and everyone said the second would be different but they were wrong! Full sympathy - it's the worst thing. The only thing that worked for me was going to bed the minute they did so they didn't get a sleep head start on me. If I managed to get a couple of hours between 9pm and midnight I could just about function at work the next day.

I had a terrible terrible sleeper. He’s now 22...

So, how do the nights pan out? Is your DS able to explain what’s going on or why he wakes up?

I agree with others - even if its only a 24hr break where you spend the whole time in bed. Elsewhere.

DS won’t be doing it to hurt you or punish you.

Is he at school yet?

Our ds did not sleep a full night alone until his fifth birthday (the night dd was conceived :D) The only thing that worked from the age of abut 3 was for him to sleep with me, and dh to sleep in his bed, which sounds awful but literally nothing else worked.
He is now 20 and we cant get him up when he's at home!!

Sorry I don’t mean to come across as focussing just on him... but if he is sorted, then everything else will fall into place - including you.

@Lifeisconfusing what a shitty thing to say. OP's on her knees with tiredness and you thought that would be a helpful contribution to make her feel better?

I hear ya! My ds2 is such a terrible
Sleeper. It’s horrific and life ruining! Especially during lockdown as couldn’t even get a power nap in while someone else watched the boys! Don’t have any advice really as nothing I’ve tried has worked but I know how you feel. Sleep deprivation of
4 years is torture.

I didn't want kids, but he was unplanned and I felt I had to go through with his birth

The irony is that he's a mummy's boy who , of course, will always feel loved and he adores me. As crushing and disgusting as this sounds I don't feel the same back

I will continue to keep getting through this hoping and praying he'll never ever find out

My partner is heartbroken when I even touch the sides of how I feel so I know I could never tell him the real truth

Is it that your ds has trouble getting to sleep or staying asleep or a combination of the two?

I'm not going to go into detail of his nights as too outing as I've namechanged for this nor do I actually care anymore about them as I'm broken