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Original poster

How can I possible keep going living this lie

151 replies

cantkeepgoing · 08/07/2020 18:17

I've got an almost 4 year old who is a dreadful sleeper......tried everything so please don't advise me on trying something.....

My question is this. How do I keep going? I so badly want out? I so wish I'd not had him. I hate being a mum. I'm so angry and resentful of this life. I just want to leave

OP posts:
Tappering · 08/07/2020 19:22

Jesus fucking wept you need to back the fuck off if you are seriously insinuating that about the OP.

Lifeisconfusing · 08/07/2020 19:23

@cantkeepgoing that’s very very sad. I hope you get that bond it’s not too late.

cantkeepgoing · 08/07/2020 19:24

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Families
Lipz · 08/07/2020 19:26

My first was a terrible sleeper. Can't get him out of the bed now. He did grow out of it about 6 years. No help telling you that but your son could be sooner. They do grow out of it. We went to every doctor and even let him decorate his room how he wanted, it was very hard.

What about fostering. It means both of you getting your needs fulfilled. He could be picking up on you being anxious and not wanting to be there. I fostered my sil ds, it started off as a respite night here and there, then weekends, then he stayed for a year, she visited him once a month with the liason nurse and Social worker. She got her health sorted and her little boy thrived, just something to consider if you are at the point of not liking or wanting him.

What does your partner say? Are they any help to you?

Survivingchipandkippee · 08/07/2020 19:27

I really feel for you. My daughter is 7 and it’s nearly 11 by time she goes to sleep. It takes hours but once over she sleeps through the night. I ordered a weighted blanket for her on Monday as it’s meant to help with helping calming children.

You need to get some help. I went through a course of CBT recently. I Was taking the weight of the world on my shoulders and just having someone external helped

Fatted · 08/07/2020 19:28

Only you can decide what to do OP. But I do recommend going somewhere on your own for the weekend. Just to catch up on some sleep for a start.

Have you told anyone how you feel about DS? Perhaps if you want to talk without judgement, speak to the Samaritans. They are just someone to talk to and won't tell you what to do. Sometimes just being able to say it freely without judgment is a huge weight lifted.

There is nothing wrong with walking away completely if that is what you want to do. Not every one was cut out to be a parent.

indecisivewoman81 · 08/07/2020 19:29

My son was like this. In fact I don't think he slept all night in his own bed until he was six.

What I found worked was; a heavy extra cover on (or if you have the money a weighted blanket), a lamp on all night and music playing very low.

Honesty I tried everything. He still doesn't need a lot of sleep and will wake naturally about 5.30 but sleeps al night and now knows not to wake us up too early.

It does get better

indecisivewoman81 · 08/07/2020 19:29

My son was like this. In fact I don't think he slept all night in his own bed until he was six.

What I found worked was; a heavy extra cover on (or if you have the money a weighted blanket), a lamp on all night and music playing very low.

Honesty I tried everything. He still doesn't need a lot of sleep and will wake naturally about 5.30 but sleeps al night and now knows not to wake us up too early.

It does get better

Lifeisconfusing · 08/07/2020 19:32

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MistyIsland · 08/07/2020 19:34

My dc2 (who’s now nearly 7) was the worst sleeper, started the day he was born! I actually at one point wanted to put him up for adoption (Dh wouldn’t agree if I’d been single I probably would of done it)

He made my life hell, holding down a more or less full time stressful job (nearly ended up losing my job as performance dropped so badly due to being exhausted) dealing with my older child who was having issues at a school. My Dh couldn’t help much as he worked night shifts Sunday-Thursday so he was never home to help, he did pull his weight at weekends but he too was exhausted. At one point I actually hated him that’s when I went back to the Gp who put me on antidepressants and signed me off work for 2 weeks. I’d drop the kids off at school/childcare then go home and sleep.

I tried everything over the years, sleep consultants, controlled crying when he was a baby, saw the Gp was referred to a consultant. Absolutely nothing helped. I was exhausted beyond belief. I’ve said many times if he’d been my first child I’d never had a second.

When he started school it did settle down and he started sleeping from around 8.30-5am gradually as he got older his sleeping has gotten better. He now sleeps from 7.30 to 6.30 am, occasionally longer if he’s been worn out.

It’s hard op and I have nothing but sympathy, I wish there was more I could say to help you.

Laburnam · 08/07/2020 19:34

My DD didn’t sleep through until school, I even put a double bed in her room and I would fall asleep with her . A fan in her room helped and she still uses it now and she is a teenager!Please don’t hate your little boy, you’re his world!
Maybe a chat with a professional about how you’re feeling might help the situation?

Tappering · 08/07/2020 19:38

Yes @Lifeisconfusing the rest of us could literally not give a shit about a child's welfare and you are the only one who cares. Well done.

Lifeisconfusing · 08/07/2020 19:38

@Tappering sounds like it Confused

baryonyxcake · 08/07/2020 19:39

I'm so sorry op Thanks sleep deprivation is absolutely awful. So many people talk about lack of sleep when they're newborns, nobody told me it would still be the case 3.5 years later. Our DS is a terrible sleeper and it does make everything so much harder.

I do think your partner needs to be more supportive, it's never nice discussing anything negative when it comes to your children but that's often part of it. He needs to let you vent and support you without judgement.

Please speak to someone op x

Tappering · 08/07/2020 19:42

Irony and sarcasm clearly passed you by then.

If you were so genuinely concerned about OPs child then you'd be trying to support and help her as other posters are doing - which is in the best interests of her child - instead of posting a really awful comment which was beyond spiteful and nasty.

tara66 · 08/07/2020 19:47

I had a child like this. At the time we had a 4 story house. I move child to ground floor while sleeping on second floor. I then slept though the night.

Original poster
cantkeepgoing · 08/07/2020 19:48

@Tappering I don't have it in me to take you on, I'm on my hands and knees here. My son is living his best life I can assure you , please don't comment anymore

I have to believe that my bond with him will grow in time as his personality adapts with more sleep whenever that may be

OP posts:
Original poster
cantkeepgoing · 08/07/2020 19:48

@Tappering I don't have it in me to take you on, I'm on my hands and knees here. My son is living his best life I can assure you , please don't comment anymore

I have to believe that my bond with him will grow in time as his personality adapts with more sleep whenever that may be

OP posts:
yellowsunset · 08/07/2020 19:48

Sorry. Lots of people with perfect mental health and "easy" kids regret having them too.

Somethingorotherorother · 08/07/2020 19:48

@cantkeepgoing this will probably get me flamed, but if you feel like this it may actually be better if you leave, even just for a little while. Children know when they're not wanted - it could be that the emotional stress is contributing to his poor sleep.

GabsAlot · 08/07/2020 19:49

i think this more than him not sleeping though isnt it op-you didnt want a baby felt you should and havent bonded-i think yiu need some therapy

probably controversial but i dont see why a womancant walk away men do it all the time

Eddielzzard · 08/07/2020 19:50

I totally get you cantkeepgoing. But you will, and every day in tiny ways, it will get better. Mine didn't sleep through until 5 years, and it was school that did it. Having a full tiring day just wore her out, and I had 2 older ones. I was on my knees. That's really an understatement. If you can just hang on until yours goes in September, and see how it is then. Just hang on.

Original poster
cantkeepgoing · 08/07/2020 19:51

@Somethingorotherorother you may be right. It may well be that this is how this ends up.......

OP posts:
Original poster
cantkeepgoing · 08/07/2020 19:51

@Somethingorotherorother you may be right. It may well be that this is how this ends up.......

OP posts:
Tootletum · 08/07/2020 19:51

Men walk away.

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