One of my neighbours has reported us to social services

[LittleTopic]

And I’m absolutely fuming.

Quick background - DH is furloughed and at home with 14 month old DD. I’m working full time (key worker). A neighbour has called SS to say that DD is screaming all day and that she is dirty and never dressed. So I got a phone call yesterday to ask me about it.

DD has been unsettled for the last week as she has four teeth coming through. She spent most of last week in a nappy in her paddling pool because of the heat (it was 34c here) and DH also strips her off when she invariably gets lunch down her clothes. She likes to run away at that point! More often than not, she has crushed tomatoes or blueberries around her face which we can scrub off in the pool or when she’s distracted.

Anyway, I had a chat with SS and they said everything sounded normal and they’re closing the case down with no action or home visit. But I am so utterly furious. I think I know which neighbour it is and whilst we are not friends, as we are with our neighbours either side, we say hello when we see each other and take parcels in etc. DH is devastated as he adores DD and is now too upset to play with her in the garden in case he’s being watched. He’s been a stay at home dad for months now and has been fantastic, and one malicious act has knocked all his confidence.

Ugh, just needed to vent. Does a happy child in a nappy really sound so bad?! I’m also really concerned that these people will keep making complaints, if they’ve done so once before, and we’ll end up with a bigger issue on our hands

Please don't take it personally.
I'd rather concerned neighbours did something rather than nothing as we've seen innocent children let down by their parents, neighbours and Social Services, who have died because of inaction by those who could help.
I often think of poor little Daniel Pelka.

Just recently here in Ireland 7 daughters saw their father being jailed for incest.
They said no authorities showed interest in them when they obviously needed the help of Social Services.

I'm surprised and a bit peturbed that SS took your word for it didn't send anyone around unexpectedly.
In one awful case, some years back inIreland - a real house of horror - SS always gave notice of their visits and a great "show" was put on for them according to one of the victims. So nothing was done.

I know this has been a shock for you, but try and keep calm, as strangely there is always one, or maybe a few, nasty, nosy and spiteful people in a neighbourhood. They have nothing better to do , other than to cause upset. Best to ignore them,or confront them, but sometimes confronting them makes them worse if they are know troublemakers.

@biglouis

"there are only three neighbours who could possibly see into our garden, I have a fair idea of who it is."

I would find a way to pay her back because I hate grassers. But not by confronting her.

A friend of mine were grassed to the DWP for supposedly not being as disabled as she had reported. Fortunately she was able to prove in the interview that the report was malicious. The interviewer let slip something that was a pretty broad hint of where the report had come from. The couple were popular and pretty soon the word that XX was a grass had got around the neighbourhood. The snitch and his family then had 6 months of constant harassment before they sold up and left.

I wonder what you would do with the family I'm working with. Lots of support, nice community. Mum has all the supports. She seriously emotionally abuses her child. She lies through her teeth about it. Luckily the neighbour reported. And yes, got called a grass to all the other neighbours.

I have 3 young children and they are always running around in bathing suits or undies, usually dirty and having the time of their lives!! I'm so sorry this happened to you!

@Kittykat93 the OP hasn’t said as much but the usual procedure when making checks is then to ask for parental consent to speak with other agencies involved to establish if they have any further concerns and to decide whether a home visor and single assessment is necessary (eg nursery, GP, health visitor...)

I'd put up one of those sail things so the nosy neighbours cant see into your garden

and write on the top, stop staring at my child you loons

We had this last year and it was horrible. I was really upset, all because we home ed and had a run in with our now ex-neighbour because their kid was throwing rocks over the damn fence and a family member (not us! We tried to talk to them about it!) reported them to the landlord. It really knocks your confidence and our DC is a lot older. It doesn't matter how old your kid is.

Sending hugs, wine and chocolate your way for you and your DH!

I was reported to SS by DS1's school (they were insisting he was fine before his ASD diagnosis). A SW came to the home but could immediately see there was no 'home issue' and spent the rest of the visit saying they were experts and experienced and could 'read' a situation very quickly, they were hugely over-worked but had to waste an inordinate amount of time when they should be helping vulnerable DC following up nonsense referrals.

This over vigilance doesn't keep DC safe. It stops help being given to those who need it. Just like calling an ambulance unnecessarily means that staff are unavailable to assist in genuine emergencies.

@Oldraver

The more I think about it, I’m annoyed quite so much because I don’t think it’s about DD at all, I think it’s being spiteful towards DH and me. Assuming I’ve got the complainants right of course. We’ve had a couple of minor “run ins” with them before as have other neighbours. Not least when DD was taken to hospital and they asked could we not just drive her to A&E as blue lights are very disturbing for people trying to sleep

@KeepOnKeepingOnAgainandAgain - nail on the head there. It’s hard enough assessing the situations involving real risk.

I'm surprised they are not calling to the house and wonder what is the point of even lodging a concern if all they do is ring Mum and that's the end of it. From the neighbours perspective they see a unclothed, dirty child who is in the blazing sun all day, without clothes and is screaming alot. They don't know your child is teething or that you are using suncream(but not wiping the dirt) etc. It is better to be concerned than just ignore it.

Oh come on people, you dont actually believe the neighbour had genuine concerns do you?! It's clearly malicious. I'd be devastated and acutely angry too.

I'd also be signing up their address to every catalogue and junk mail company I could think of. Do you happen to have their phone number as well?...

Keep a record of their moans. How can they complain about blue lights. I would be putting up a big gazebo in the garden and creating a lovely play area. We have just built a mud kitchen with hours of squealy fun. I would also be looking up to see if they were watching me.

@ImFreeToDoWhatIWant what stupid advice. I don't know the op or her parenting style - all I know is what she's told is here. Is she lying? Telling the truth? Thinks that something isn't a big deal to her but has clearly pinged on the neighbours radar and they felt it worthy of reporting?

What you are effectively saying is that anyone who raises concerns over a small child and is incorrect or the parents manage to get away with it, deserves to be harassed unlawfully.

Grow up or stay away from threads if the only advice you can offer is to harass the neighbours. Unless you were stiff outside the OPs house all day when it happened, you know nothing

'Assuming I've got the right neighbours...'

It's very dangerous to assume OP

@BelindaBl1nked

😂😂😂😂 Course I'm not outside the op's house all day, pretty stupid yourself really! Though I am feeling a bit stiff these days, perhaps I'll do a yoga class. Know any good ones?

We have neighbours one side who have already expressed sustained for my parenting and lockdown has certainly not improved my children’s behaviour!! So I too live in fear of SS being called on me due to the fighting and screaming that goes on most days. I’m totally paranoid over it but this actually makes me feel a little better that if I do get a phone call SS will be sympathetic and hopefully understand that I’m trying my best.

*disdain

Can I suggest you watch lady of letters with Imelda Staunton on i player..this is the second version although the first is better imo it still gets the point over. It will give you an impression of what your neighbour might be like and I think you would find it very interesting. I would speak to your neighbour..I would probably say you can't believe that anyone would think your baby wasn't loved..but that would be what I would do because I always prefer to have things in the open as they worry me less. Years ago my older neighbour reprimanded me for letting my little boy run around naked in the garden during a hot summer but I just ignored her. You and your husband sound like lovely parents.

Just read your update, you really should watch Alan Bennet's monologue lady of letters!

@ImFreeToDoWhatIWant is that the best you can do, pick me up on a typo?

You made a moronic comment and can't even own that. Encouraging her to harass people when she doesn't even know it was them. You're clearly extremely hard of critical thinking.

I understand how you feel- we had the same phone call from SS saying they had given us a background check and that along with the accusers report, decided it was malicious. Unless you have experienced this, you have no idea of what it does to you, it's awful. I later discovered that the person who contacted SS had been exposing herself to my two young autistic boys, in her garden facing their bedroom window. This woman was and still is a nursery manager. We have moved house and so has she - if I see her again I don't know if I will be able to control myself. It takes time to process and recover from this, be kind to yourselves. x

@BelindaBl1nked

With two degrees and a Masters, you couldn't be more wrong. Your frothing is highly amusing 😂😂

All the 😀 at ' two degrees and a masters.' Of course you have. That was clearly apparent from your well thought out advice to the OP

Any further attempts to gain my attention will be ignored.

@BelindaBl1nked
Shall I tell you something else that will blow your tiny little mind? They're all from Redbrick institutions and one was a first.

Such fun poking someone who gives such delicious answers!