One of my neighbours has reported us to social services

[LittleTopic]

And I’m absolutely fuming.

Quick background - DH is furloughed and at home with 14 month old DD. I’m working full time (key worker). A neighbour has called SS to say that DD is screaming all day and that she is dirty and never dressed. So I got a phone call yesterday to ask me about it.

DD has been unsettled for the last week as she has four teeth coming through. She spent most of last week in a nappy in her paddling pool because of the heat (it was 34c here) and DH also strips her off when she invariably gets lunch down her clothes. She likes to run away at that point! More often than not, she has crushed tomatoes or blueberries around her face which we can scrub off in the pool or when she’s distracted.

Anyway, I had a chat with SS and they said everything sounded normal and they’re closing the case down with no action or home visit. But I am so utterly furious. I think I know which neighbour it is and whilst we are not friends, as we are with our neighbours either side, we say hello when we see each other and take parcels in etc. DH is devastated as he adores DD and is now too upset to play with her in the garden in case he’s being watched. He’s been a stay at home dad for months now and has been fantastic, and one malicious act has knocked all his confidence.

Ugh, just needed to vent. Does a happy child in a nappy really sound so bad?! I’m also really concerned that these people will keep making complaints, if they’ve done so once before, and we’ll end up with a bigger issue on our hands

Your child sounds just like mine! It’s hard when neighbours do this stuff but don’t give it your attention. xx

Out of interest OP, did SS also talk to your DH seeing as he is the primary caregiver during the day?

@Dowermouse

Hope you are feeling better now after your bizarre rant

I can imagine it is upsetting,but it may well have been done with good intent. If they are not used to toddlers then they might be worried.

Also there have been a few cases where children have been horribly abused and no one has called SS.

Give your dh and dd a big hug and be thankful there are people in the world who will not turn a blind eye.

I'd rather live in a world where parents receive phone calls for perfectly healthy happy children than one that turns a blind eye.

Sounds exactly like my almost two year old DD. Various outfit changes per day and hot weather means she’s often in just nappy/shorts, loves playing in mud, food everywhere and the last few weeks super clingy and whingey as teeth are coming through.
All perfectly normal, I’d be furious too!

Did SS tell you it was your neighbour? I'm surprised by that really, you'd think GDPR and safety would dictate that that seems incorrect.

Not much anyone can say though OP, they may have felt they saw something that concerned them, so called SS, in which case to them that wasn't unreasonable. It isn't as though they've called them before(?) so something clearly seemed of concern to them at the time. Nobody here knows what they think they saw or their motive so there is no point hypothesising over the motives of total strangers.

From your perspective it sounds as though you're not at fault and SS are satisfied based on talking to you that all is well- i would focus on that. Ultimately it is what it is and will have to be something you move on from. Dragging it out with the neighbours or deciding it might be spite or an agenda won't help that, it cannot be taken back even though it must feel very upsetting.

The only revenge is to carry on as you were happily.

Dread to think what my neighbours thought of my 2.5 yo running naked in the garden last week and splashing in the pool!

I thought it was perfectly acceptable?

I had something very similar happen to me, but twice. It was the same person making the same false claims, and I doubt it will ever leave me.

Because more than one report had been made, a SW decided that there was no smoke without fire and we had to go through months of investigations. It was incredibly distressing, and the SW was awful (she even wrote in her report that while there was no evidence we had done anything wrong, repeated reports make it much more likely that we actually had!). So "no harm done" is at best naïve.

OP, I totally understand how upsetting this would be. I really hope your neighbour doesn't make any more reports, and that you can both recover your confidence. I never did.

Sympathies, as they sound a bit batshit.

However I've been trying to work from home all week and next doors have had their daughter & SIL/ grandchildren and friends in the garden ALL day screaming on the trampoline and paddling pool/waterslide.
The dad was whipping them up into a frenzy chasing them around and I really thought someone was being murdered.
Someone I had a meeting with on Zoom asked if everything was OK!

It does get to you if it's prolonged and I think as a parent you don't notice it.

MIL reported us to SS after we cut contact with her. She said our child was covered in cuts and bruises etc - funny how she'd know that without seeing him. The police came to the house, he was only a couple of months old - took me a very long time to get over so I understand how hard it is. I think, it's important to view it objectively. Your child was screaming and dirty - but with perfectly acceptable reasons why. The pain you're feeling at being reported is better than someone not reporting and a child going abused. Your suffering is basically saving a child - that's how I viewed it and it made it easier.

My 2 and 4 year old are quite often naked running round the garden atm. The 2 year old often with a food covered face as well, as he hates being cleaned and runs away!

I can understand why you, and particularly DH feel so upset about this. It’s not a nice thought that a neighbour could be spying and judging, or that this could result in scrutiny from ss. I hope it was just motivated by misplaced concern for your child, and not any malice. I think you both need to just crack on as you were before. Unfortunately kids that age can scream a lot, and beyond making sure their needs are met and giving adequate pain relief if that’s the issue, it just a case of riding it out until they’re older and better able to communicate. The food on face thing is just nuts, assuming it’s not left there for hours and hours before being wiped off.

a UV sunsuit over her nappy would be a good idea Each to their own, but I always cringe at the thought of putting kids in these when it’s so hot. I worry about them overheating, and it would be the last thing I would want to be wearing myself on a very hot day - just the thought makes me nauseous. It’s fine to just use sunscreen, provided you are diligent about using lots (not just a thin smear) and reapply. I’ve managed this with my milk-bottle fair red headed DC, and not had any sunburn yet at age 5. Of course, if the child won’t tolerate sunscreen being applied, I can see why one of those suits might be preferable.

@Dowermouse

DH needs to nut up and carry on as normal. "his confidence has been knocked"? Poor delicate creature. Men don't usually suffer this kind of blow to their ego without the wife having to pick up the pieces.

Ffs really? I think I'd be feeling the same if someone was questioning my parenting abilities.

As an adult I have recently found out that some of the best parents I know got reported to SS when I was a kid.

I have been reported by my health visitor to SS when SS investigated they thought the HV had been utterly over zealous.

Don't worry about it. You are doing the best you can. Your child is clearly loved and well cared for.

Ignore your neighbours. Don't drag yourself to the same level as them they will beat you with experience.

How horrible for you. I can understand that you are upset. You will have to try to breathe and understand her actions are probably more about her than you. Some people are so judgemental and nasty to others

As tempting as it is to confront the grass neighbour, I wouldn't. All the sad fucker will do is make a report that you were abusive or aggressive. It will make the sad acts day.
From now on, no saying hello, if they say it to you a look of utter contempt is all you need and if asked to take a parcel say no because they're someone who wastes the time of Keyworkers making up malicious lies about people. It will soon get round where the scuzzbag lives and if it's anything like my village they will soon know what people think.

OK, so, in response to a few comments which have asked the same thing - DD isn’t screaming, that’s the thing. She cries when her teeth hurt but she’s a grizzler, and it’s been 4-5 days out of the 13 weeks she’s been home. So I think there is a level of exaggeration in the report.

The only time she’s “screamed” is when she was severely ill a few months ago and obviously in a lot of pain, and we are both so paranoid about her being ill again that we’d be carting her back to hospital for any screaming as it’s so unlike her.

@PenelopePitstop49 no, they didn’t. Both our numbers are listed with all the relevant agencies etc but it’s usually me who gets the call for GP/HV stuff. I did say that they were welcome to speak to him if they needed and they said they were satisfied.

@dontgobaconmyheart not explicitly, no, but the nature of the conversation means it was someone who has seen DD in the garden. Given that we haven’t had visitors for months and there are only three neighbours who could possibly see into our garden, I have a fair idea of who it is.

Lol I was consistently naked in the garden until I was 8. We lived in Brisbane. In fact, when friends came round , they pointed out that every single childhood picture my mother had put in the fridge had me starkers and my sister in a pretty dress. I'd never noticed. Anyway, I wouldn't worry, your neighbours are wrong and if they complain again I suspect they're they'll ones who'll be in trouble for making vexatious complaints.

Horrible thing to happen OP but as other's have said, try not to dwell. At least SS were satisfied

Dowermouse that's the sort of nasty, sexist post that gives MN a bad name.

I’d be furious too, I’d stop taking in parcels for her, keeping a child spotlessly clean is very hard, ss weren’t concerned and everything’s fine, maybe the neighbour doesn’t think a man can look after his child, or your child was making too much noise for the sour faced neighbour

@Dowermouse

DH needs to nut up and carry on as normal. "his confidence has been knocked"? Poor delicate creature. Men don't usually suffer this kind of blow to their ego without the wife having to pick up the pieces.

My confidence as a parent has been shattered by far less than an SS call. So we can leave off the anti-men pitchforks for five minutes, because just as many women can be harmed by such a malicious act by the neighbour.

Buy a gnome from Asda that has it's bum showing and face it to the ndn. And stop taking parcels on for them

I never let my kids run around naked and I don’t let them leave the table with a dirty face or sticky hands so they are probably considered ‘spotlessly clean’ as a pp put it, and tbh I don’t understand why people let their kids run around dirty BUT I realise that this is my own personal issue and lots of people do let their kids run around naked and dirty (as is their prerogative) and I would NEVER report someone to social services for this?! That’s insane. It sounds like your neighbour has some kind of grudge or is just a really nasty person. Try and get your husband to see that if you do not value them as people then you shouldn’t value their opinion of you either.

I wouldn't jump to conclusions about which neighbour it was, they could be on very good terms with you but still have concerns for whatever reason, sounds misguided, and made the call.