One of my neighbours has reported us to social services

[LittleTopic]

And I’m absolutely fuming.

Quick background - DH is furloughed and at home with 14 month old DD. I’m working full time (key worker). A neighbour has called SS to say that DD is screaming all day and that she is dirty and never dressed. So I got a phone call yesterday to ask me about it.

DD has been unsettled for the last week as she has four teeth coming through. She spent most of last week in a nappy in her paddling pool because of the heat (it was 34c here) and DH also strips her off when she invariably gets lunch down her clothes. She likes to run away at that point! More often than not, she has crushed tomatoes or blueberries around her face which we can scrub off in the pool or when she’s distracted.

Anyway, I had a chat with SS and they said everything sounded normal and they’re closing the case down with no action or home visit. But I am so utterly furious. I think I know which neighbour it is and whilst we are not friends, as we are with our neighbours either side, we say hello when we see each other and take parcels in etc. DH is devastated as he adores DD and is now too upset to play with her in the garden in case he’s being watched. He’s been a stay at home dad for months now and has been fantastic, and one malicious act has knocked all his confidence.

Ugh, just needed to vent. Does a happy child in a nappy really sound so bad?! I’m also really concerned that these people will keep making complaints, if they’ve done so once before, and we’ll end up with a bigger issue on our hands

[Idontlikewednesdays]

Your neighbour was absolutely right to report you to children’s social care if they had concerns about your child. What is disappointing is that a social worker took your word that everything was ok without even visiting you. They are doing a valuable job. They are damned if they do and damned if they don’t. Your neighbour was absolutely correct to report their concerns.

[PicaK]

because it sounds awful and unnecessary.
But you're the collateral damage for ensuring kids don't fall down the crack. A bit of mortification vs a child getting overlooked. It's harsh I know but I think it's justifiable.

[mamasiz]

@Idontlikewednesdays the OP hasn’t said as much but the regular procedure would be for the social worker to ask for consent from the OP to contact agencies involved with their child - the purpose being to gather extra information about the wellbeing of the child, when they were last seen by other agencies, any concerns relating to the referral information - the social worker should then make a decision about whether any further action (ie a home visit and full single assessment) is to be taken. It should never just be a phonecall to a parent.

[chrissycn11]

It's easy for people to say the neighbour did the right thing, when they haven't been in this situation. It's not always reported for the right reasons. Yes SS do deal with this via phone, but ONLY when checks have been done and the reporter has been analysed. However, the person being reported has the fear of multiple anonymous reports being flagged as something more serious. From my experience, SS will answer anything you ask - giving away the callers identity without a name! Phone back and ask more questions. You can get the time and date of the call and the exact details of what and how they got their info. Keep asking questions until you know exactly who it was - they don't cover for them. Stay calm and keep digging for info.

[mamasiz]

@chrissycn11 - from experience a social worker certainly wouldn’t be revealing the identity of an anonymous caller to a parent. It’s not a question of covering for a caller - you just would not reveal that information. Professionals making concerns on the other hand - they cannot remain anonymous.

[chrissycn11]

People saying it shouldn't just be a phone call are wrong. Back ground checks are done on the family being reported and the validity of the caller and their disclosure are taken into account. If the caller is anonymous , they look even more suspicious.

[chrissycn11]

mamasiz " from experience a social worker certainly wouldn’t be revealing the identity of an anonymous caller to a parent. It’s not a question of covering for a caller - you just would not reveal that information. Professionals making concerns on the other hand - they cannot remain anonymous."

I asked them questions, which were answered in full revealing the caller. Our caller was anonymous, but they gave us enough detail to know exactly who it was. Every question asked was answered in full, times, dates, exact detail. The more you ask the more it narrows i down.

[Cleaningismycardio]

Jayfee I came on to say the same thing! There are rational people who understand the gravity of reporting and take the very serious step of speaking to the authorities because they have genuine concerns and do so with the best of intentions (whether their concerns are found to be correct or not). And then there are others who do so out of pure malice or because their own perceptions are completely skewed - both of which makes them dangerous. You say your neighbours are known for being difficult, which possibly puts them in the latter category. Give them a wide berth, keep a log of any communication with them, reassure your husband and continue with your family life - which includes fun in the garden. If these people persist it will be them who will need to be spoken to for harassment.

[Idontlikewednesdays]

[quote mamasiz]@Idontlikewednesdays the OP hasn’t said as much but the regular procedure would be for the social worker to ask for consent from the OP to contact agencies involved with their child - the purpose being to gather extra information about the wellbeing of the child, when they were last seen by other agencies, any concerns relating to the referral information - the social worker should then make a decision about whether any further action (ie a home visit and full single assessment) is to be taken. It should never just be a phonecall to a parent.[/quote]
Completely agree.

[Idontlikewednesdays]

[quote Genevieva]@TheStuffedPenguin People should not call social services because they are worried about whether their neighbours have put enough suncream on their toddler. It is none of their business. Social Services exist to deal with extreme situations when a child is at risk. If a child presents in A&E with severe sunburn then doctors can make a referral. It is more than likely the the OP has a nosey busybody neighbour who should be told to mind their own business and not bother Social Services with their petty 'tip offs'. I have never come across this in real life, but it appears to be remarkably common on Mumsnet. Every time someone makes a malicious or stupid report SS have to follow it up, which is time they could have been using to focus on children who need their attention. I think repeat offenders should be find for wasting their time.[/quote]
Of course children’s social care are not just there for the extreme cases. The idea is that they intervene whilst the concerns are at the lower level of a child in need, before a situation escalates to the degree where a child ends up being subject of a child protection conference. A child being allowed to burn in the sun is neglectful. None of us know whether this was a malicious call or not. A neglectful parent is usually the last to see there is an issue with their parenting.

[LittleTopic]

@idontlikewednesdays

“A child being allowed to burn in the sun is neglectful.”

Except I’ve already said that she wasn’t and hasn’t been sunburnt, was in the shade, in a paddling pool (with an inbuilt sunshade), with factor 50 sun cream, a hat and water to drink. And that also wasn’t brought up at all by SS so it wasn’t mentioned by the complainant.

I’m not going to try and justify myself to every person on this thread who has decided I’m a neglectful parent but can’t see it, when I was posting to vent and hopefully get a bit of support,( but please don’t post things that sound like assertions of the facts.

[WitchesGlove]

@chrissycn11

I understand how you feel- we had the same phone call from SS saying they had given us a background check and that along with the accusers report, decided it was malicious. Unless you have experienced this, you have no idea of what it does to you, it's awful. I later discovered that the person who contacted SS had been exposing herself to my two young autistic boys, in her garden facing their bedroom window. This woman was and still is a nursery manager. We have moved house and so has she - if I see her again I don't know if I will be able to control myself. It takes time to process and recover from this, be kind to yourselves. x

That’s awful- did you report to police?

If she’s a nursery manager, report her anonymously to Ofsted

[WitchesGlove]

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

I'm sure this isn't the case here, but I have a bil and sil who massively neglect their children, but they would also be horrified if anyone reported them, because they think they are great parents. Social services are actually involved with them, but I still don't think they can see why.

Exactly.

Neglectful parents normally think they are brilliant parents, or that ‘love is enough’.

I used to know a child who’s parents were separated (but normally lived in same house), where Mum smoked weed all day and never cooked or cleaned and took cocaine on weekends.

Dad drank 6 cans of larger a night every night and also smoked weed every evening. He thought he was a brilliant parent because he had a job and paid child support and cooked once or twice a week, (normally they ate takeaways late at night).